[ The Memories ]
Thursday, July 31, 2003
Happy day in sch =)
Happy day today =)
discovered i've been happier in sch these few days when ian's around to lighten and lift my moods. haha, he bought the few of us (shihan n i) full-scap papers n stationaries with his "knowledge box" (sch's bookshop) voucher (his prize for receiving Best in Geog in our level last yr). got me a zip colour pen/marker (the "in" stationary we students are using in sch these days). hehe, got new colour pen le, happy~~ =p
dunno why, its jus a stationary only, but i'm very happy.
perhaps cos its his tots bah =)
n he rejected to get apple the cup-noodles she wans from the bkshop too =p haha. ok, evil me. but the gal really too much, wan ian to jus blow his precious vouchers on five dollars worth of cup noodle for herself free of charge to bring home eat?? think is her vouchers ar?? wan to buy home eat oso ian buy for himself wad. crazy gal. *roll eyes*
jus when i tot that i've stop disliking her so much n give her chances, she'll always revert to her old ways again. blah. i dun even think she REVERTS to her old ways, i think she LET SLIP her true character tt she's trying to hide so unsuccessfully. duh. as if we cant see thru her hypocrisy. i think one reason y we can nv be frens is cos she KNOWS i know her real self n can sense my disgust for her.
watever. dun wanna waste my blog space on her anymore. back to happy tots :p
hmmm...the pen thing isn't the onli reason y i'm happy. something he said to sherm while we were in the cafe today makes me feel that he sees me as a fren le...
apparently sherm they all jus knew about ian and i had done n planned our "revision" time- table n make plans for going out at mac the other day. sherm seemed quite shocked and exclaimed "why u all go do revision time- table together?!", like incredulous tt ian n i will go out like that...
After wat ian told me, i'm not surprised by how much sherm doesn't know bout ian. contradictory to how close i tot ian was with her last time.
And ian was like quite fierce, "why cannot??"
could see that sherm was quite shock actually. dun blame her, if i'd been on the receiving end of his rebuttal i'd be intimidated by him too. but har, that ian hor...aiyoh.
but the three of us were like making many kinky jokes after that, with sherm playacting jealousy (our joke tt sherm's ian's wife n i'm the vixen/mistress/seductress/second-wife, etc), "and wat else are u all doing there ar??! huh??! huh??! wat else did u all do ar??!" n all sorts of suggestions of places where we had sexual activities. Lol...dunno wat to say bout that siao gila =p (i said doing "that" on mac's table, in public lor...kinky =p Lolx)
but ian knows my conservation bout this kinda subject thats directed at me and sided me....(forgot wat he said) actually quite touch that he remembered these.
haha, then sherm was like "you vixen(in chinese)!! seduce my ian!!"
i played along n whined (or watever you call making those cajoling noises) to ian. n sherm was like, " ian! y u not disgusted by her?!"
gotta explain b4 i go further...cos usually when sherm's playacting with ian yi4 xiang1 qing2 yuan4 (by herself, ian not joining in) flirting exageratingly wif ian, he'd usually screw his face in mock disgust and deny anything she said...(eg. ian, wat we did last nite...ian, u were great last nite...Lolx)
but yeah, ian din say anything when i whined which explains sherm's outburst. but actually, its only when she said that that i realized that ian din find my antics disgusting (thats good) n his beforehand n subsequent siding of me made me feel that he's really taken me as a fren (thats even better!). but then again, it could jus be becos its sherm n [that] and not me...
but still, at that instant, it felt good to have a "fren" in class...a fren like xiangling in class who'll always on my side...or like having hanxiang back in my class again. i'd forgotten there's such a warm feeling already since i entered this class...its such a great feeling. hai...how i missed it. missed the sec sch days. missed hanxiang.
but yeah...until if we actually verbalized the status of our frenship (so ironic tt others have seen us as such good frens, but the two of us have nv assured that of each other yet...not even my telling him how i take him as a fren i like...maybe cos there's still this fear in me...wat if its all my imagination n wishful thinking only and he scorns at this idea??), meanwhile i'm happy to let things carry out this way...hope the near future will see us becoming more familiar and closer with each other.
ian, i'm not clive...
i won't hurt you...
nitez, the people i love.
cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed
What Sign of Affection Are You?
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+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 11:33 PM
Wednesday, July 30, 2003
An ah beng bf? Lolx...
How ironic it is that others think that ian and i are such close frens already when the two of us had barely jus gotten to BE frens.
dunno how we approached this topic actually...was chatting with layhoon, apple n xuan at jec jus now, n being the gers we are, we started gossiping of cos. we were imagining n describing how each of us think we others' future bfs wud look/ be like...(which is oso ironic seeing that there are 2 les amongst us...) should we have one in future.
haha, they actually said that mine wud be an ah beng...Lolx. hey, jus cos i look like a lian doesn't mean i like bengs ok??! then they went on to describe how they feel he wud look: pretty tall, quite well-built (good, nice to hug mah =p yummy bod!!), hair center-parting, and other comedic ah beng's descriptions...wah lao =p actually, a couple guys sprang to my mind when they were describing. one of them was David. but i dun feel attracted to him anymore n their this descriptions din exactly made my heart go pitty-patty pitty-patty either. Tho if i've to choose a bf, n if he really must be an ah beng, i'd like him to be like weilong lor. a reformed beng and a mature n sensitive guy. maybe cos bengs give pple a feeling that they know how to play n anjoy life more than ya average nerd. but the term "beng" is like so sec. sch term le and i really cant stand those act beng but not beng, act lian but not lian kinda pple. cannot make it ah, haha.
hmmm...
xuan told me later in all of seriousness, that she had a "feeling" i wud find a bf soon... huh??! thats my first reaction. y leh?? wat made her think that??
apparently, she sometimes have this "feeling" bout some of her frens, that they wud find a stead soon. and it has always come true. i'm like, really??!
she asked am i looking for a bf now?? (told her nope) and wud i wan to find a bf soon?? n i said not in these four months...yeah lor, dun wan to flunk my 'A' levels man...she felt so too. but then again, this matters of the heart cant really be controlled one...
hey! that reminds me...she asked me those qns while we were walking to the omnimax theatre, but she seemed to have mentioned it already when we were at jec...that she wans to or is going to intro me to her male frens in future. it came jus after we were discussing the bfs thingy so i tot she jus said it as an aftertot n din give it any tot. in fact, she'd actually asked me am i looking for a bf at that time already, but i din pay much attention then... looks like her this "feeling" wasn't actually on the spur of the moment while we're toking on the way to the omnimax. she even mentioned wanna intro a few times ah, but i brushed it off as nonsence. cos i dun see y she wud wan to do that for.
no wonder!! now remembered why they mentioned ian le!!
cos xuan asked this n mentioned that she wan to intro me to her male frens! diao...still can remember her expression lor...she was serious looking when she said that, not those laughingly joking stuff...but i tot she was jus bored, thats y made such a funny suggestion. haha, she even asked how i find Thye Heng ah (our same secondary sch schmate; din noe hime well in sch tho he's in basketball too)...totally not my type man, too short le (think he's not more than 165), tho he's a pretty nice guy, gentlemenly sort, with a quite well-built body with six-pack abs one, but he's really quite small size, not my type. heard that he jus broke up wif his gf from another jc quite some time ago le.
aiyoh...xuan tot she's match-making ar?? Lolx... =p
anyway, they were saying dunno wat then linked to ian...smth abt the bf thing...think i said i'm not looking for a bf now, no options now oso then they were saying scully its the pple i already know from around me then suddenly mention ian. so ridiculous, y has this led to him?? apple was saying we're such good frens, then xuan said scully we'll like each other. i was like, Huh??! pls lor...bu4 ke3 neng2 de4 (impossible)lor.
thats cos they dun know.
kept insisting that it wun happen between us one; we're jus frens man. but they were still continueing. i even looked to layhoon for some help and mutual understanding...cos we're the only 2 among them who know AND she's such gd frens wif ian too she wud know. but either she's acting blur or playing along with them, laughing away man. big help, si layhoon :[
i mean, wats wrong with a boy and a ger jus being frens??
esp since i know that bout ian tts y i felt so at ease with him...treat him like my jie3 mei4 mah =p haha.
actually, xuan should know one. she has Clive for her gd fren for God's sake.n its the same situation for ian n clive; she KNOWS nth will happen between she n clive oso, no matter how arh they are wif each other. same wif me and ian. cos i know that its not possible.
yeah..anyway, wierd. the pple ard us tot we were such good frens, but i wonder wat ian really thinks??
oh yeah btw, asked xuan how she "feels" my this bf i'm gonna "find" looks like, then she say beng beng one lor =/ i asked good beng or bad beng?? she said bad beng...i dun wan!! if really find a bad beng for me bf this yr my 'A's sure wan2 wan2 (finished) one!! wats gonna happen to me studies if i keep going out wif him n heck caring my studies?! n i'm alreadi slacking away like shit lor...no way lor. i wun be having a bf until end of 'A's at least, n even if i have, he cant be a bad beng =[ find one that wud encourage me to study n teach me along the way at least better rite?? haha...
tired...gonna slp soon, long day ahead.
let me make a wish: that ian, benny, my daidee society members (DDS--Layhoon, sherm they all =p ) wud be in sch tml. and sch tml wud be as interesting and fun-filled as this afternoon at least :)
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
really?? *wink wink* ;p
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 10:44 PM
Tuesday, July 29, 2003
Sorry mum...
was controlling mself not to blog tonite...cos dun wan to flood my blog everyday wif trivalities. but wat the heck, its MY diary.
woah...my mum jus came into the room while i was typing the above sentence. apologized to her for jus now... felt abit teary too =/
yeah, its like this...was watching Lizzie MCguire wif stella n sis jus now. n mum KEPT calling in the theatre!!! kept cupping her fone but she kept on calling. finally buay tahan n picked up...n wat the heck!!! she made me miss the last 2 mins of the film where LIzzie kissed her best fren!!! =[ so fucking pissed off man!!
when she called again after the show was like shouting at her...smth along the lines of--"i kept cupping ya fone isnt it obvious that i'm in the middle of smth??!! n u still keep calling n calling n calling!!!!"...as u can see, our conversation (more like shouting match) din end pleasantly.
she called again later when my sis n i are on train on the way home. cant stand her le so let my sis picked up the phone...hai...
sis told me apparently she's lugging lots of stuff she bought back from malaysia jus now, n a whole bag of durians, n no one to help her carry all these back thats y she called us... felt so guilty...
but my anger hasn't subsided n i kept refusing to c myself in the wrong...was still angry with her for keep calling me everytime i'm out.
madness man, its better if i dun tell her i'm going out than if i kindly leave a msg that i'll be home slightly later so tt she wun worry...if i say i'll be back by midnite or 1am, she'll START CALLING at 7+pm and keep calling n calling n calling n calling asking me to return home early. wat the fuck!! how can i fucking enjoy anything i'm doing if she's calling every less than ten mins??! *!^*&%#$#!!!
ok, nvm...
back to tonite. reached home and had a shouting match wif her. actually, not a match, more like she's leading wif all the shouting ("where am i wrong u tell me??!") and CRYING ("u'll have son or daughters one day oso u noe??!" snivel snivel "how wud u feel if they treat u this way??") and self-pitying ("why are you doing this to me??....") and then breaking down...
talking bout melodramatics...but yeah, she won obviously, wat can i say to that?? making me seem like the bad guy, being such an insensitive n uncaring bitch of a daughter...still felt angry ("yeah lar yeah lar, i'm wrong ok??!"), but felt really very very guilty...(washed the dishes VOLUNTARILY after that...eeeeyucks!!! my absolutely most hated housechore!! =[ )
mum saw me washing the dishes (din do it to let her see actually) n soften i guess, after she tot i was sorry enough to help her wif housechores...
really very sorry, mum...din know you were carrying so much stuff back...
and she still brought holy-water (yucks actually...) into my room for me to drink to bless me with good health, studies n social life (ren2 yuan2 guan1 xi4 in chinese)...
think i can feel her hurt actually...having ya own daughter, someone you bring up and love, shouting at you...
well, at least i assume she loves me...but man, she sure shows it in such an awkward way =/ cant she be like some mothers out there who'll hug or kiss or pat their child on their heads to show affections instead of nagging n being so paiseh everytime i told her "i love you"??
but yeah...i love you mum...
hai...shall try to controll my temper towards her in future...dunno wats up wif me these days...so easily angered or upset...must be pms...its coming soon, cramps. shucks.
oh yeah! stella told me she polished her teeth at this dentist clinic in jurong west for onli 40-50+ bucks!! thats like so cheap man!! n the effects not bad too =) n she says the females dentist who did her teeth was damn nice...think i'm gonna go there polish my teeth in bout 2-3wks time after i'd save some money...next wk is darling sis's 15th birthday (so fast??! she still looks like a 12yr old kid man, LOLX!!) so gotta save to buy her presents n bring her out chiong...can u imagine a 12yr...i mean, 15yr old =p little gal liking to go chiong more than me??! Lolx... =p
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 1:05 AM
Monday, July 28, 2003
Breakfast and "revision" time-table =p
Just came back from a morning out with Ian and becca...pon sch today cos late in the morn. late so many times le really sian man =[ so called ian c is he going sch anot...n surprise surprise! he's not oso =p LOLX.
Had a really enjoyable morn chatting with ian and planning our "revision" time-table with them...my time-table seem to consist of more play time and going out plans with them than studying time man! =p
the 3 of us planned to meet up this sat at Greenridge shopping centre for supper, to go eat sushi, AND go KTV at chinatown 2 wks later...madness!! havent started revising alreadi so many plans to "play" le.
But u know wat?? felt really comfortable with ian today... =)
the times we laugh and joke is fa1 zhi4 nei4 xin1 (from our heart, for u chinese illiterate) one, unlike when we were jus starting to know each other and "making" new frens of each other. was pretty shocked that he confide how many pple he dislike in our class...even the pple i TOT were his frens or were ok...cos he seemed very 'agh' with them in class. goes to show that looks are deceiving. ok, i know i seem to be making him out to sound like some really two-faced guy, but then i din really know the "Ian" of the past...this is the real Ian i'm getting to know now, and i'm glad he choose to reveal that side of him to me.
He's a guys with many frens and a wide social circle...in fact, i KNOW he's a guy of much depth and a pretty melancholic one too. but he puts on a very cheerful exterior in front of others, which gives others the impression that he's such a carefree happy- go- lucky person...but everyone has their own problems, even he...
told him before he's a source of my motivation to go sch and that seeing him happy would life up my mood too. but was still uncertain of our frenship then, jus know he's a potential gd fren who gives me gd vibes.
but after today, i can safely say he's my fren =)
really hope he takes me as a gd fren too...
and can be comfortable to be the "real" person he is in front of me in future. was pleasantly surprised when he said that the 2 only pple in class he liao2 de2 lai2 (get along/communicate well with) is me and layhoon... glad he feels that he dun have to be pretentious of his real feelings with me, hope he's not jus saying that cos i'm there =p
but quite shock that some of the others (her in particular) whom he hangs out with so often is someone he dislikes...pray that i'm not and wun be one =p
but yeah, can understand why oso...SOME of the pple he dislikes in our class have real major character flaws (altho i still cannot comprehend why he wud dislike some others even tho he explained to me the resons...some arrogant, some egoistic, some self-centred, some hypocritical, some fake)...i know most are the truth, but i still get along well with most of them cos most had been quite nice to me so far, with the exception of a few really hateful ones, which we both share similar views.
hmmm... wish our frenship will strenghten and not die off like with sherm's or huishi's...=( still, we got plenty of chances where we can go out or meet for supper, lolx =p
will be goiing out with stella to watch Lizzie Mcguire in the evening...and pass her the pres too =) hope she likes it. but meeting her at JP, sian...may change venue if i find it too sian in the end...return to our original venue at Bugis =p
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 2:08 PM
The Start...
Cant believe i've actually started a blog...my class' influence must be bigger than i thought. Not that i can let any of them know bout my blog =/ I probably live one of the most scandalous lives any of them know about...although my current JC class is prob the most scandalous lot many would be shocked to discover...even i myself took THIS long (about a year or so) to uncover SOME of the dirty linen...
But i digress. Enough with introducing my interesting class of 02A6'2003 Jurong Junior College, this blog should be about me.
yawnz...its a late nite...but a lot on my mind after reading a fren's and classmate's blog...goes to show how scandalous and deceptive our class is...OK! enough bout my class =[
sigh...feel like lighting up...but havent for quite some time already...last stick i remembered was on the nite of Stella's birthday. but it was only that-- one stick.
told a blatant lie to my mum and sis last nite...that I DO NOT SMOKE!!
apparently my mum smelled cigarette smoke on my clothes the last time i went pubbing (funny term i know, but thats wat i call sitting in a pub with some close frens, drinking, singing, chatting, indulging). think it was last weekif i remembered clearly...went with xiang (my best fren in the whole wide world *wink wink*) cos she's upset over her prob wif Hairy/Boy/ my son...yup, pretty major prob =/ that episode is over now, but there's more ahead.
hey, why do i always digress??! maybe cos i started blogging so late and there's so much i've to explain....mainly cos i know (and hope and pray and plead) that no one i know reads this and i'm telling my life from scratch. Someday (soon i hope) after i'd gotten more familiarized with this typing thing maybe i can just concentrate on my current feelings and affairs and not DIGRESS.
wow. if i continue my current structure of writing (haywire, bits and pieces here and there, duh...) i can already foresee wat i'd get for GP for prelims =/
back to the cigarette smoke bit before i turn in for the nite.
apparently my mum smelled the pungent smoke stench from my clothes when she was washing (cant blame her, it REALLY stinks man) and was worried that i smoke...went to confide and ask my sis discreetly who jus BAWKED at her and laugh her suspicions off.
my sis recalled this last nite after the three of us (mum, sis and me) returned home from dinner with (mum's) Boss and i was like laughing,
"where got go these kind of places (told my parents i'd been to a disco to celebrate a classmate's 18th birthday) no people smoke one??!!"
and even more ultimate..."really hate those smokers...so smelly!! (in chinese)". hope i dispelled my my mum's suspicions...she looks quite convinced, prob cos my sis n i are so close she feels that my sis will confirm know if i DO smoke.
hai...the main reason why i covered up my smoking was cos of my sis...i dun wan her to follow my footsteps. and she's really that childish/deviant/rebellious/watever u call it. if she knows i smoke, she'll pick it up purposely to stop me from smoking...i love her to bits, cant let her do that. so...yeah. Lying through my teeth to a lot of pple in the meantime... mum, sis, stella (??din lie but din say the truth either)Ian, Chi, baabaa, the few pple whom "caught" me smoking in sch that day when they smelled the cigarette smoke stench on me after i couldnt take the days' stress and unhappiness anymore and went to the girl's toilet to smoke...so suay. first and only time i smoked in sch and someone found out. still, thankfully its not a teacher. of cos, i denied like anything. still, think ian n chi dun seem convinced...
told glo bout it long time afterwards in a moment of alcoholic rush, so...guess she and xiang's the only two people in sch who knows that i smoke...
yawnz...its a late nite and my mind's in stupor already. think i shall call it a nite liao...oh yeah, going out with stella tml to watch movie (Lizzie Mcguire!!! yeah~~ Xp) and give her her belated birthday present...better rest early so have energy for the long day ahead tml :)
Hope sch's fun tml...hope ian's there...hope benny's there...hope i've a happy time bonding with my class tml.
Ciao.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 12:08 AM
