[ The Memories ]
Saturday, August 30, 2003
Animals in a zoo
Lolx...went for lunch at crystal jade wif stella n xiang after my geog tutorial today n we were recounting wat happened yesterday...Xp
so bloody funny...the foreigners kept trying to take our photos n flashing the camera at us while we were all trying to siam. all of us were feeling very wierd n amused then but they cant put a finger to how they're feeling until when i described, it was as if we were animals at a zoo!! =p
as if having to put up wif curious n wonderous tourists who'd never seen such curious looking exotic creatures this part of the earth before! must take pictures go home show family: see?? see?? these are the photos i took wif ah meng the orang utan at the singapore zoo!!
this strongly reminded me of my sis again n when i told them that, the three of us were rolling on our seats squealing in laughter rite there in the restaurant =p Lolx!!
still can remember how they grab my sis for photo...my poor sis...ah meng...LOLX!! XD wahahahaha!!
even on the cab on the way home wif xiang we'll be rolling in tears of mirth everytime we remembered the foreigners yesterday ("where are we from?" from singapore where we are now lar! then china ah? duh), and esp the ah meng incident...Lolx!! Xp
think it'll be one of our funniest memories ever....=p
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 5:26 PM
Bermuda Triangle
haha, jus returned from BT wif xiang, lyn n stella =)
got free ride home from kenny n bryan (two regular customers at BT).
had a fun time there, haha =p
drank hairy's leftover bottle of jack daniels from last time.
in the end we onli bought one tequila pop n spent onli bout $11 the whole niote there (not including our dinner at ponderosa)...cheap sia =p Lolx!
feels so good to be back there...can really feel the frenly n joyous atmosphere once we stepped into the pub n all our old bosses, Dj judy wrapeed us in embraces like their long lost children or smth.
no wonder. its quite a long time since i'd been back there also, bout a few months interval each time i go back?? haha, miss the heart-warming feeling they give me... but get more of this feeling when i'm a customer instead of their waitress. tho they're some of the nicest bosses i've ever known (or i noe i will noe in future), its still feels nicer to get pampered as their customers under their excellent service n wonderful hospitablity :)
there were quite alot of ang mohs there tonite sia.
wah biang, we were (i was in any case) feeling like animals in the zoo sia; kept letting them gawk n take photos!!
was singing karaoke wif xiang when the first flashlight pop in my face.
din even see it coming. was feeling quite puzzled as to where the light came from until i saw the ang moh holding a digital camera in front of our table =/
after that they were like trying to take our pictures while we were trying to hide our faces n trying to continue singing at the same time.
wah lao, the ang moh was like, "look here, look here!" and moving his camera ard to follow my face while i was trying to hide my face and continue singing. in the end xiang n i oblige them a few photos while trying not to look in their direction.
haha, my sis was saying its as if we were some ge1 xing1 (artistes) like that.
Lolx, an ang moh n his fren oso asked to take (or rather, jus grab n take) a photo wif my sis.
if onli they knew how old my sis was they'd probably fall over their jaws sia...Lolx!! =p
xiang n i were joking after that, their reaction so big its as if they'd never seen mei1 nu3 (pretty gals) before.
or at least i think, pretty chinese gals =p haha.
saw ted oso today :)
long time din see him le. he wasn't there at BT the other time i went.
he's probably one of the nicest n most gentlemanly (no hanky-panky n such) regulars at BT le.
quite ironic since he look so diff from his personality...he has the look of ya typical tv station actor who are stereotyped as bad n sly guys while his behaviour is anything but such (can stand the test of time that we'd worked there n visited there as customers sia, never strayed before...such a rarity at this kinda places).
hmmm...first time i really actually toked to ah hock today.
a boyish-looking 30 yr old BT regular whom we'd all used to guess cant be more than 23 until he revealed his real age to us last time. heard from judy that he's pretty popular wif gals, but doesn't like gal's company at BT. abit dao1 dao1 (aloof) one. haha, wif all these things i noe now, i wun be surprised if he's gay.
din tok to him more than twice or thrice the whole time i worked there. its mostly xiang who does the interacting at BT. hey...now thinking back, it seems that xiang's always interacting wif the chinese chinese or hokkien sorta customers at BT while i'm the one who usually take careof the ang moh types...*bleeeeah*=p
anyway, ah hock came to our table to cheers n ended up playing finger-guessing games wif us.
bryan (another regular) joined us towards the end n the four of us gals were trying to sabo the two guys.
haha, i was playing cheat all the way n choreographing the game in such a way that the two guys kept losing...Lolx!! Xp
but u noe wat?? somewhere thru the game ah hock called me "meinu" (pretty gal)!!! *whoots* Lolx!!
haha, that coming from him is so rare sia =p haha.
okok, its dark at that time so he prob couldn't see how ugly i look.
but still...he called me meinu~~!! Xp keke.
we din play long tho since they were already closing.
in fact, by the time we left BT it was already 3am (their usual closing time on fri is 2am+).
then psychoed the guys to give us a life back home =p
saved pur cab fares, Lolx!
haha, had a really happy time tonite =)
think BT is one of the special places i share wif xiang (altho it'll be better that we return as customers lah).
got lots of our memories there..our waitressing days, when she got to noe hairy, when we return as customers, mr n mrs chua, judy n the other waiters n waitresses (both gd n bad, but of cos the good ones) and of cos, the scandalous regulars that provide so much topics for our gossiping =p Lolx.
oh dear...so late already??
n i still have lessons tml!! =/
mandy's extra geog tutorial...shit, cant let stella's n xiang's prediction come true. must make it to sch....
yawnz....
A GARAGE-GURL. Youre into loud music, hot guys and
wild fashions. Youre most at ease when youve
got all your mates around you and you like to
party. Boys are a game and youre always on the
ball because you make sure youre always number
one.
Your virtues: Confidence, fun nature, sociability.
Your flaws: Loudness, jealous tendency, need for
attention.
What kind of girl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
brought to you by Quizilla
You are... AYUMI HAMASAKI!
Girl, you've got it ALL. You're famous, you're
gorgeous, you can sing... hell, you've even got
faithful Ayu followers in Western countries!
Just... don't let all the fame get to your
head... or else you may end up forgetting that
you are Ayumi Hamasaki, not Madonna.
Which Adorable Japanese Popstar Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
I SWEAR!! these two are coincidences!!
prob cos ayumi's such a popular icon.
but isnt ayumi jus so pretty~~~??! =)
Cute
What's Your Ayumi Hamasaki Style?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are "Dearest" (which was also the
third ending song for the anime series
"InuYasha") You are so in love with
your special someone right now, and you've
worked hard to get them so you never want the
magic to end...
Which Ayumi Hamasaki Song Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Bururu Dog. You are scared of lots of
things, but you make friends easily, and you
fall in love quite easily too. Aw. Don't be sad
little Bururu Dog, we all love you too!!!
What cute little Japanese cartoon character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 4:36 AM
Thursday, August 28, 2003
| |
|
Isn't this pretty??! =)
found this on neopets, supposed to be a shop blog or smth =p Lolx.
| |
|
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 5:22 PM
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
Ambiguous certainty...
high on niccotine now....nearly keeled over at the windowsill when i was smoking jus now.
shall finish this blog as soon as i could.
eventful day in sch jus now. talking bout class dynamics...
the class reps (glo n aida) were fed up wif collecting money from the class for all the various teacher's day presents n stuff and the class was fed up wif having to pay so much for all the class n sch stuff, voluntarily or forced. lets see wat we need to pay for recently...
$20 for end of yr class chalet
$7 for econ notes
$1 for tcher's day cards the sch forced us to buy (compulsory, wat the hell?!)
$10 for our class tutors' tcher's day presents (supposedly at this amt)
n thats how much each of us have to pay. this week. arrrrgh.
not to mention the $80++ bucks we had to pay last week for retaking our SATs.
been paying thru my nose.
no wonder the class's unhappy.
in the end some of the class (layhoon they all) had a fight wif the class rep (aida) today =/
could almost smell the explosive powders in the air...fireworks everywhere (ok, jus in that one perios break).
0.o
they were unhappy mainly over the $10 that each of our class 24 pple had to pay for our tutors' pressies ($240 jus for presents for 6 tutors?!).
n unhappy over the tantrums showed by the reps.
the class were passing nasty letters ard in lectures today ticking them off...
actually, most were mainly directed at aida but she wasn't ard to read it n glo beared the brunt of it thinking it was directed at her...=/
but frankly, wif all the money i've been paying lately, i can understand y they're so pissed wif having to pay so much 'voluntarily' for our tutors' presents on topof the stuffs made compulsory by the sch already.
agree more wif layhoon's method of paying (pay $1 for each subject we take, which is bout 3 subjects=$3) n amt all these money to buy pres for each subject tutors should be enuf le. should be more than enuf to get them mugs or table ornaments or bouquets of flowers each.
but feeling a bit sorry for aida who'd to bear the brunt of the burden of a class rep, not to mention the fireworks from several members of the class today...
wanted to go comfort her initially, but she'd built a defensive wall ard her after the quarrel, pretty unapproachable. poor thing... =/
nvm, i dun care animore. jus go wif the flow. see how much they intend to pay in the end lo.
but of cos, i'd prefer to pay the $3 one...cheaper n more practical.
nvm, to other things now...
jjl came into class in one of her wierd moods today.
sat on the desk n talked to us (lecture was more like it) for nearly the whole lesson before settling down to less than 10mons of tutorial. apparently she's pissed wif our class attitude n bad attendence (apple again, din come for sat's lit test. coming up wif all sorts of reasons. got so much money to take mc mite as well put it to better use! save it lar! duh). then she mentioned a few 'slippery characters' in our class like benny n benji. y them tho?? poor things... dunno how jjl's mind works somehow.
but she mentioned a few of our class had "turned over a new leaf".
actually got this feeling she was toking bout me (judgeing from my bad past track records wif her) before she turned to me n yujie (another problem student, sitting beside me today). yup, its us all rite.
then she said she's glad.
and u noe wat??
she said that she's "quite certain" we'll get our As if we continue this positive trend.
0.0
wow...thats like quite a compliment coming from her *raise eyebrows*...
but she hasn't marked my most recent sat's test obviously!! else she wouldn't have said that le!!
boy...she's gonna be like so angry she has to eat her words today man...
half of the second lit essay not done!!
i'm dead. so dead.
n i hope she doesn't holler too loudly in class after she's seen my papers...*shudder*
still, it feels nice for a change (since sec. sch) to have teachers putting their hopes in you... :)
(even tho she noes she'll be mistaken after marking my test papers)
an A for lit?? i barely dared to dream it sia.
i'm only good in her paper, but not the other two...wud probably bring my average down in the 'A's =/
hope not... *cross fingers*
its so hard to have a teacher "quite certain" that i can get an A in any subject, esp judging from how i'm progressing now...yeeaarrrgh =/ it'll be a nice change if i can have a teacher's confidence in my abilities.
prelims in 2 to 3 weeks' time.
'A' level in bout 11 to 12 weeks.
stress sia. gotta pia le...esp for my econs!! going nowhere.
prob take me a near miracle to get a pass for my prelims. how am i gonna aim for my 'A's like that??
hai...wud be happy if i can get A B B for 'A's...but that seems like such a far dream...
k, must jiayou le!! *grit teeth*
afterall, i dun wan my two yrs in JC to be for naught =/
yup, gambate pple!! =)
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 11:56 PM
Monday, August 25, 2003
Sisters
ate buffet at suki sushi n watched "A tale of two sisters" (korean horror movie) wif sis today...
the show's pretty disturbing (for me at least)...esp the scene where the elder sister was unaware of her younger sis being smothered to death under the fallen cupboard... tot of my sis then imagine how i'd feel if i were the elder sis...no wonder she went mad (as in mentally unstable) after she found out...
its quite a good movie, but abit regretted watching it...cos i noe the images of the two pitiable sisters will keep replaying in my mind now. stupid Lyn, u better not do anything stupid *growl* =[
gave benny the monkey hp keychain (n bday postcard) i got for his belated birthday today =)
he says he likes it~~!! so happy!! X)
keke, glad i din choose wrongly :)
haha, its not often i give gifts to guys mah.
the amt of guys i shop for n gave presents can count on one hand sia...
lets see...my father, alex, david n now benny. i havent even given weilong anything before!!
thats y its nice to see the recipient of ya presents appreciating ya efforts, however small (they may think) it is. feels nice n warm inside =)
oh yeah. bought these two Hikaru No Go (my absolutely fave comic series!!) comic figurines from comics connection while i was shopping for benny's pressie =D wat can i say...gorgeous!! even my sis who noes nth bout comics was goining on about how good it looks when she spotted it on my table =)
n its a steal at $7.90 (for the two of them) too! Xp
displaying it in one of my comics bookshelves now. still cant bear to take them out of their boxes =p
absolutely gorgeous ;)
Adaptable and Flexible
What Cardcaptor Clow Card type are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Sakura. A regular girl who finds a magic
book of cards in your dads library. When you
open the book, all the cards get scattered----
Guess what?? You need to go out and become a
cardcaptor, and track em' all down! GOOD LUCK
TO YA! (I guess your no sooo regular now, eh?)
Your brother, Touya, is always calling you
names, but deep down, he really cares. Oh, and
YOU HAVE A MAJOR CRUSH ON YUIKITO!
~What Cardcaptror character are you??~
brought to you by Quizilla
You're an AVID FAN.
What kind of Slam Dunk fan are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 10:41 PM
Sunday, August 24, 2003
Five-Ten
Jus came home from Five-Ten wif xiang.
tired...five hours of geog n lit tests this morn.
both incomplete...esp lit. can u imagine i'd onli done like half of my second lit essay (two essays in 3hrs)??
whoever heard of an incomplete lit essay in a test??! i'm so dead...
my time management absolutely sux man... =/
jjl was so pissed at the whole lit cohort after the test (she walked ard during the test n apparently alot of pple are not doing the analysis her way)...i wun be surprised if my paper is one of the ones she (threatens to) tear!! =/
long day ahead tml...
gotta go pick up my new specs at noon Xp
then maybe go lot1 to do some shopping for benny's (n maybe shihan's) presents.
n cards if i havent already got at home.
benny's been such a help to me this yr, wat wif fixing my computer for me n shopping for computer parts n everthing. not to mention keep getting teased n bullied by me in sch =p
yup, shall get him smth.
but whether he likes it or not thats another matter i guess :/
oh well.
Riyo - "Logical Change"
What would your Japanese name be? (female)
brought to you by Quizilla
your bitch.
What swear word are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Congratulations! You're a fuzzy navel!!
What Drink Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 4:00 AM
Friday, August 22, 2003
Studying
Been to ian's house to study today =] 
both of us were trying to psycho the other to come our own house instead; both of us too lazy to go to the other's house, haha =p
but in the end lose out to his persuasive powers =/
then lost my way to his house...n he was guiding me to his house by looking down at me and giving me directions from his flat at the 13th floor...Lolx! =p wat a joke! got teased by him mercilessly for the rest of the morning. he win le lor!
but pretty unproductive day sia...
kept getting distracted (in his own words...he still dare say! =[ ) by ian...
we went thru his photo albums, letters, online stuff, ect etc.
n he was showing me some of his pics n telling me some stuff... quite an eye and ear opener.
*raise eyebrows*
but i din wan to pry so din ask him anithing aside from the things he volunteered.
he knows i keep a blog tho!!
seems like shihan told him...
the last time i asked her how to put photos on me blog lo =/
aiyoh...
felt bad that i couldn't tell him my blog addy since i noe his. but man! if he knew wat i wrote in my blog!
aside from all the misleading things i'd written bout him (a lot somemore!!), there's oso the stuff that he doesn't noe...
was tempted to tell him today, esp since we were toking bout some of these things.
but dunno how to bring them up also. will it sound too abrupt?
hai... think the time's not ripe yet...
when i've told him those things, then i mite let him noe my blog addy...
but even then, its pretty embarrassing considering how much i'd written bout him...so, maybe even then i mite not =p haha.
anyway, spent the whole noon doing other stuff.
in the end i din even finish two of my notes the whole time there!!
lazing about his house n finding things to eat... Lolx. n he had the gall to keep scolding me to concentrate on studying?? hai...but at least he finished studying le...
still, had a pretty enjoyable day at his house =)
sian...still got so much left to study n i'm so tired...woke like bloody early this morn to study? 8+ in the morn. but only did so much? wah biang...stressed.
we went to bp plaza mac to study later on when his mum reached home.
my sis joined us for a while. then beca reached in the evening n joined us for dinner.
of cos, we din study after tt le :p
discussed some stupid geog terms that can somehow be linked to physics too...adiabetic heating n cooling, wat the hell is that?!
oh, met hanxiang at the mac!! X)
missed her so much...
not that long since i see her, but still, din get to c her much this year =/
she has changed some since last year...not as happy or energetic as she used to be since last time...
she looks really tired n hagard all the time, each time i meet her. n tho she's already slim before, she's lost even more weight now... see le so xin1 tong4 (heartache)... =/
she used to be in permanent euphoria one...
JC really has a way of sapping ya life force away from you...
jiayou k hanxiang? =)
life will be easier for us when we meet in uni (our shared promise).
provided i get in. *cross fingers*
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 11:14 PM
Thursday, August 21, 2003
jus came home from westmall's coffeebean.
studying there wif sis jus now.
man, they have some splendid coffee =)
EXtreme ice-blended...extra caffein, extra strong. shiok! =9
try it.
but spent half an hr searching the mall for a pullover cos the cafe was jus too cold to study.
bought this black Dano pullover i'd been eyeing since last time. din buy it last time cos thinking wun have much chance to wear it in s'pore's hot weather. yup, nice =)
but half an hr to buy a jacket??
haha, yeah...u caught me =p
was shopping for benny n shihan's birthday presents (cant find) n my comic books... ;p
haha, the comic connections' sales asistant was like, flirting like siao lor.
but its one-sided tho. kept wanting to leave but he kept calling me back n asking this n that.
duh. do i look like i play rpg games?? double duh.
study study study.
wat the @#%*^(%#$???!!
big geog n lit tests this sat.
which makes up bout 6 hrs worth of tests continuously??
they're trying to drive us mad issit?? yeah...training us for our 'A' level marathon...right.
not going sch tml...gotta study study study.
wah kao, make myself up to be so studious...
but if i hadn't kept procatinating n slacked away my time this couple of weeks, i wouln't have to pia like shit now. so i'm reaping wat i sow i guess. yucks. sound so bad...like my retribution that i'll *gasp* fail this sat's tests like that =X
touch wood!!
hmmm... ian came to sch today, finally =)
but glo was like saying, wat? that i acting like i like him or something. that the class will misunderstand.
wat they think is not my business rite?
xuan n clive were like so good frens last yr n everybody tot they'll get together in the end, but time prove them wrong din it? its so long n they havent got those kinda feelings for each other. UNLIKE wat the class tot. n wats wrong wif a guy n a gal jus being in a platonic frenship?? why cant i like ian without liking him that way? issit so unconceivable? yeah, my feelings may be strong, n my response may be abit extreme, but if i were to control n dilute my happiness in seeing him or being wif him, i'd be cheating myself...and robbing ian of HIS happiness to be in my happy presence. Lolx =p so bhb...ahahaha XP
yeah...anyway, its my own feelings. even if i do like him that way (which i know i dun), its nobody's business but my own's n ian's. who's to care anyway but the two of us?? (except for some gossip- mongers...i can imagine who...). AND y must it be that I like him?? y cant it be that HE like me?? diao...do i have the word "Desperation" stamped on my forehead??
We are friends. thats that.
n am sharpening my nails now to get ready to scratch apple's eyes out soon.
actually said i'm his "laopo" (wife) in front of the two of us today??
dunno did ian hear or not (din think he did, heng) but...#$%&^*$$@#$%????!!
she's going to ruin our frenship if she continues! or at least, make things awkward for us.
that gal... *grrrrrrr* =[
but (unlike wat glo thinks), i dun think my frenship wif ian will be ruined if there's this kinda misunderstanding. again.
cos i noe ian wun be shy to ask me bout it :p
(erm... =/ )
n when that happens, i can tell him the truth n no matter its a yes or a no, i can imagine wat his reaction will be anyway...n it wun affect our frenship. maybe other things will, but not this.
he's too kind to reject me.
ok, me anyway.
even tho it'll make things difficult for him.
cos while he has the thick-headedness of a guy, he also has the sensitivity of a gal (sometimee, to certain girly things). maybe its cos of that, but thats the aspect of him i like :)
aiyoh..i'm actually considering the possibilities?
glo must be putting things into my head =[
gotta go study le.
looooong way to go =/
study study study.
shucks.
Your Heart is Red
What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla
love as in kinship love, frenship love and platonic love?? yup ;)
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 11:43 PM
Wednesday, August 20, 2003
50 reasons why i love you ;)
hai...ian wasn't in sch today =/
tot he'd be in sch today, but he'd chosen today to go for check up.
n he wun be in sch tml either; going for cmpb.
stupid NS, snatch ian's time wif me! =[ *grrrr....*
sch's so boring without him...
jus msging him and waiting for his msgs n replies the whole day.
arrrgh. n he wun be in sch tml either!! another day of torture for me in sch!!
being wif others is jus not the same...the personal touch is lacking i think.
no secret looks n snickers wif each other, no whining to, no same caring n concern that only gd frens show to each other. arrrrgh. looks like i'm too reliant on him for emotional relief in sch le. cannot.
at least he has his studies to support him when he's bored, etc.
i so slack, only rely on intereacting wif frens to enjoy n pass my time.
can't give him burden oso...dun wan to fan him when he's studying; know his results are important to him.
hmmm...toking bout him reminds me...
sherm said smth damn wierd today (while we're waiting for jjl's extra lesson...starting at 5+ pm somemore!).
the two of us were like calling each other names (all in good fun) when layhoon joined in the 'fun'.
coundn't win the both of them lor...aiyoh.
i was like, "good, u two gang up bully me (in chinese tho)...*sniffsniff*".
then sherm was like, " ian not here today to help u cheng1 yao1 (back u up) ah. dun think he everytime bang1 ni3 cheng1 yao1 (back u up) ar, he today not here lo."
then she n layhoon continued to tease me (why do i have the feeling i kana bullied??)
i was like, Huh??!, "since when did he help back me up (also in chinese) ?!"
sherm was like, "you3 (got) arh! ta1 mei3 ci4 bang2 ni3 cheng1 yao1 de4 (he's always backing me up one)!!", in a pretty accusing tone...
i'd always held my own battles well wif them...at least i do wat i can.
since when did ian help me or stood up for me??
she seem to be making me out tobe someone wif no backbone, hafta rely on others to save me outta these kinda situations. huh?? since when did i intentionally or conciously rely on ian to help me get out of these situations? as long as its still playfil banter i dun need any saving from wat, n even then so far those who'd crossed me in class, since when hadn't i been the one to tick the person off myself? (apple for instance...)
i was denying that he did ("since when did he help back me up?!").
but sherm was insistent that he did ("he did! he always back u up!").
but still, to keep the mood light, i joked, "snce when did he back me up? no lah. its cos he's usually sitting beside me blocking me from their view athst y lar." (in chi)
ok. it sounds lame jus typing it out like this...gotta use chinese to get the full effect.
but it got the effect i wanted anyway. we laughed n sherm stopped harping on it le.
but frankly, sherm's this sudden comment cant have come out of the blue. it must mean that she's been thinking along these lines all these while, n wif her charater, she's sure to have complained bout ian and me to either grace or layhoon one. sian...=/
n the thing is, i dunno why she think this way too!!
the only thing i can think of its cos ian had stubbed her on a few occasions when she's saying things considering the two of us...(reflect back, when sherm complained y the two of us did our revision time-table together?! n ian retorted her fiercely "why not?!") and a couple other similar instances.
but its cos of how ian feels towards sherm n not that he's backing me.
but sherm doesn't know its cos he doesn't like her thats yshe prob think its my fault.
but i cant tell her that rite??
argh. watever.
hai...long till i next see ian =/
prob only on thurs or fri?? n he may be ponning on fri to study for sat's tests too...double sian ={
i wan to see him!!
oh yeah, n if another person gonna ask me if i like ian, i'm gonna scratch out the person's eyes!!! *bares teeth* grrrr.... =[ 
feel like throttling apple's neck today when she asked that!
n wat matter is it of hers whether i do or not?! i din ask her bout her galfrens rite?! duh. like i'm interested anyway.
oh yeah, written xiang a 'letter' today...50 reason y i love her ;)
she was describing some of our frenship stuff wif gillian (from her class) who got so envious =p
n the two of us were reminiscing the past (more recent past...our birthdays n such)...glad she felt the way i did =p keke.
hehe, her happy response makes me feel like its worth my while writing that letter too ^_^
yawnz...gotta sleep soon i guess.
hai...ian arh ian =/
hope he surprises me by turning up in sch tml...u think possible?? =/
or if he doesn't, he better msg me throughout the day to keep me happy!! =[
hmph.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 12:30 AM
Sunday, August 17, 2003
Escape
a weekend of escaping...or more accurately, a friday's worth or escaping.
ponned sch on fri, too tired after thurs nite to do anything...
wanted to be alone, but spent my day in xiang's n sis company in the end.
went to lot1's suki suchi to eat suchi buffet in the noon, then went to sit and smoke at void deck wif xiang...
toked abit, but there's so much i'm feeling that i cant put into words...
yeah...saying anything out will make things seem too finalized n i dun like it.
there's no way to put these into words that will feel rite or justify my feelings anyway.
everything will be too black and white, and i prefer to keep things ambiguous as they are now.
its always better to see how things go before i vocalize them.
and even then, its better that i'm able to vocalize them and no one will question it.
haha, pretty hard yeah??
oh yeah.
xiang gave me a big sunflower...the 'thing' she wanted to give me since she bought it on wed but din dare to bring to sch =p
haha, so sweet of her...wanted to cheer me up cos she seen me so sad since mon...
put it in a vase (wif water) n been giving it abit of sun everyday.
yup, pretty pretty!! =)
but she's still pretty guilty that she's not able to help me when i'm unhappy...
not her fault.
who ask that i'm so gan3 qing2 yong4 shi4 (sensitive) =/
n it doesn't help that i'm not telling her either...but wat am i to say to her when i'm not sure of wat i'm feeling myself? aiyoh... nvm.
but at least my sis is feeling perkier these 2 days =)
a relief sia. at least my efforts din go to waste, haha.
jus came back from fajar n greenridge wif my sis.
intended to go make my new specs but all the specs shops closed early cos its sunday =/
shucks. now have to go another day le, n i'm so busy on weekdays.
was at greenridge jus now when we bumped into her sch frens.
n guess wat?? they actually tot we're les!? diao...Lolx!! =p
do i look so different from her that they nv suspect we're sisters b4 jumping to that hilarious conclusions??
aiyoh...
but maybe its cos my sis looks so tomboyish now wif her short hair =p
plus the fact that she, unlike her peers, doesn't have any bfs n been rejecting all her admirers all these while. haha, too 'well-gromed' by me le =p Lolx. haiyah, those her age are only in relationshop cos its so rampant; everybody's in one that they tot its normal. but none last long at their age, n they're seldom serious either (esp from wat i heard bout my sis' frens). y go into a relationship at their age n affect their studies, not to mention suffering all sorts of heartaches needlessly? esp since some of them are like changing bfs every week/month?? diao. kids.
Lolx, i sound so old =p
msged ian to tell him bout it n he was laughing over it...
say wat maybe its cos i look like les.
he win le lor. me?? look les?? others were saying i look too straight to be mistaken for les!
aiyoh, scary...cannot sia. esp in my class wif all the crooked pple... once u get mistaken thats it man.
n i still wan guys to chase me one wor! scare away my suitors how?! Lolx...=p
blew 50bucks buying vcds at greenridge jus now, wif the money i'm supposed to be spending on my specs.
so ex...but bought alot of vcds sia. haha, my sis really noes how to bargain man =p
the uncle was like so pissed at us le, haha.
yup. in a more relaxed mood since the fri... getting my usual gay self (not gay as in gay, oh you noe...) back :)
looks like the few days of escaping is good for my soul.
looking forward to seeing ian in sch tml =)
wun be seeing much of him next week since he's going for lotsa checkups n cmpb things towards the end of the week. fri maybe even ponning to study for our lit n geog test on sat (straight after one another!! man =/ how am i gonna pia for both?!)
will miss him!!
hehe, hope to b able to spend more quality time wif him and the class tml!! ^-^
You represent... hope.
You're quite a daydreamer and can be a hopeless
romantic. You enjoy being creative and don't
mind being alone at times. You have goals, and
know what you want in life... even if they are
a little far fetched.
What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 11:31 PM
Friday, August 15, 2003
Tired
went to Yan Wen's wake jus now...
sis acting up again...
in the end gave in to her demands
went to kbox wif her n xiang....
i'm very tired....
really.
y dun everything jus stop?
My Time, my sch, my life, my tears.
i'm sick of having to carry the burden of everything myself.
my mum expecting me to do everything for her.
my sis expecting me to cater to her every needs and salvage her emotional n physical wounds.
xiang expecting me to be there for her all the time.
hairy's flown n she's free, but i'm not.
i dun wan to be there.
i'm not everyone's security blanket.
how can i be a pillar of strenght when i feel my energy ebbing away every day?
and xiang, who are u to tell me who i should love and should not love?
isn't it obvious i noe wat u noe? do i need a reminder?
my feelings are mine to judge.
if i feel i'm in love, i'm in love. if i feel that i'm not, i'm not.
wat a joke.
look who's telling me about who i shouldn't love??
i wan to dissapear.
even if its jus for one day.
i'm running away from my problems i noe.
but i dun care anymore.
i've enough of everything.
they can learn to survive without me.
its time they do,
cos i cant, nobody can, be there for them forever.
there's sch tml...
i'm very tired.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 2:57 AM
Thursday, August 14, 2003
Messed up...
very tiring day...
was feeling so messed up just now.
frustrated over everything... my home, my life, my studies.
times like this makes me understand y pple wanna commit suicide. esp the 2 (now 3) JC students' reasons to wanna die and jus let go of everything. its a feeling of overwhelmingness, hopelessness and helplessness. a sudden impulsive feeling that comes surprisingly fast but goes away slowly only in trickles. a scary feeling...cos i'd never tot i'd feel this way before.
reading the newspaper (straits times) for news of Yan Wen, but...zilch. nothing. zero.
is her death so insignificant that it doesn't even render some space in the newspaper??
only noe from tianxin that she made the chinese evening paper last nite...smth equivalent of a tabloid.
is that wat the media think it is?? nth more than a sensational piece of news? doesn't it worry society wat singapore's pressurizing educational system is resulting in?? the THIRD (known) JC student suicide case in bout a month. it shd have shocked pple, like it shocked us. but obviously the media is jus seeing it as a trend. n the media obviously represents the viewpts of society. so wat in their opinion did they think we students are?? barking mad to jump off a building jus cos we noe that others do it?? i dunno wat adults must be thinking, or wat ambitions our enterprising govt has in store for us "youths of singapore's tml" that they tot by cramming us with so much stress and pressure can achieve. it may be working, but at wat expense?!
fucking govt, fucking world, fucking MOE.
or issit jus a fucked up singapore??
maybe my mother was rite...the singapore govt is jus getting worst.
dun wan to sem like making accusations (or vulgarities) w/o any valid reasons or evidence.
but isn't the 3 (or more) suicides evidence enuf??
how many more do they need to see that the fucking MOE's method of cultivating "intelligent and promising" youths are getting overboard? studies isn't, and shouldn't be everything in a student's life. nor are exams and certs. yeah, the govt may argue that they put emphasis on co-curiculum activities (CCAs) too, but in the end wat are CCAs for?? so that we can be promoted to the next higher level of education too. in the end it all boils down to studies. wat the fuck?!
nearly tored the farking newspaper jus now. shaking wif the need to unleashmy pent-up anger. but ration prevented me from doing that. yeah...thanks for drilling ration into me for 12 years singapore *sneer*
went to smoke to find a release for my pent up emotions jus now, or in any case, to relax my seething tots.
(HAR! thats wat YOUR 12 years of drilling has resulted in! ~.~)
while i was smoking and still seething, ian msged me.
his msgs have a way of making me feel better, tho he may not noe it.
but he wun be coming to sch tml...gotta go NUH check up...
will miss him in sch tml =/
n still gotta face jjl's black face tml sia. the stupid woman.
since when's been my attendence for HER lesson poor??
HER attendence to sch n classes as even more abysmal compared to mine or any other students!
the stupid hippo.
yar yar, can c my mood havent changed for the better.
gotta go smoke somemore before i sleep.
smoked alot today...compared to my usual dosage.
haha, n glo was asking me to stop too.
she wrote me a letter today...very sweet of her.
glad to have her in my class... at least have someone who noes my inner voice.
someone i can trust wif my dirty linen =p
may be going for Yan Wen's funeral wif xiang tml...
tho i dunno all those Christian stuff and all that crap ('that' as in my limited knowledge of the Bible studies, no offence to Christians out there), i hope that Yan Wen will be able to enter the gates of Paradise and finally find the freedom she's looking for...
God bless you, Yan Wen
(which ever God u used to believe in)
you've been a really nice gal.
you will be missed...
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 12:00 AM
Tuesday, August 12, 2003
"I love you. dun die..."
Wat a day...
jus received news from a fren (same primary and secondary sch fren) priscilla that a bp junior of ours jus commited suicide this morn... and the worst thing was, i know that junior. she was in basketball oso in bp. a very quiet gal...Yan Wen...
she's in cjc now. the third jc student suicide case in less than 2 months.
called huixin (my basketball junior and when in bp, and oso her gd fren in bp) to confirm is it true...
it is.
we were analysing wat could have forced her to take that step...
relationship is the stupidest reason, but its likely...if its her first love she's more likely to take it hard.
studies stress?? not likely...she's onli in her 1st yr which is like so slack compared to 2nd yr (n in cjc a 'neighbourhood' jc too) n the timing now is so off...a month pass the mid-yrs already and no where near yr-end exams yet (esp in the perspective of 1st yrs who're like damn slack?).
family problem? huixin said its likely tho she dunno her family probs tt well since yan wen keeps to herself alot, often bottling up everything instead of letting her frens noe.
priscilla was saying perhaps it cud be sch life, as in her social life in sch...cant fit in wioth her schmates n stuff. yeah...likely oso. she told me some stuff bout cjc n how u have to fit into a certain grp to be accepted there (needless to say, must be the ah beng ah lian grp, etc).
priscilla told me bout the suicidal case in her own sch...rjc. one of the two jc students suicide cases in the past one month. pris noes the best fren of the gal who died...apparently, the best fren was the last person she called before she hung herself in her balcony. her best fren kept trying to call the gal's bro, but he was too late in saving her in the end. when i heard the story from pris, the hairs at the backof my neck stood. not jus cos the way the gal died was so scary (hanging herself...i think i'm going to have nitemares tonite...cant get the image out of my mind...so scared =/) but oso cos i can imagine if i were in the shoes of the best fren, or worst, the brother. how wud feel if i were the best fren on the receiving end of her final words, helpless to dissuade her, unable to be present to stop her? or worst, how wud i feel if i were her brother picking up the phone late cos i was too lazy (or for wateva trivial reason) too late to pick the phone and discovered my sis's hanging body in th balcony jus five mins too late?
actually, i know how i'm gonna feel. i'd feel so ridden by guilt that i'll nv pick myself up again. if i din already follow her along.
how cud the gal go knowing that she wud have caused so much pain and agony to her love ones? isn't that deterant enuf for her to halt her actions? she's gone now and its too late to debate whether she's in the right or wrong. maybe she did have her own reasons to choose this path. but i believe, if she were to endure this pain now, ten or maybe even three to five yrs later after she'd transcended this experience, i'm sure she wud look back at all these past history and experinces and laugh at them. the foolishness and idiosyncracies of youth and all its troubles. nothing cannot be solved by Time. so wat if u're suffering in jc?? endure for a couple more yrs (or less) till u graduate. worse comes to worse, quit jc to go study in poly or go work. or if u cant get along wif ya family and are suffering at home, jus endure a few yrs til when u're 20 or 21 and u can move out already and be free from them. relationship problems are the stupidest reasons to commit suicide over and i shall save my effort in listing them out. duh. you see? there's nothing that Time cant smooth over. who knows, Time and Age may make u see that wat u feel worth dying for may not be worth the same ultimate sacrifice when u've matured.
this is like so sad...cos there's nth in this world that one has to seek death as a solution.
suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
also...this news came as a double blow cos my sis was also contemplating suicide this morn...
that stupid gal.
was so angry, so worried, and ultimately so fearful and so sad...
she refused to take my calls n i'd kept msging her throughout my bus ride to sch.
was in tears at one pt on the bus, but din let my tears flow down...too many jjcians on bus too.
called my mom when i alighted. at least she's at home and can check on my sis since i'm too far away to be of immediate help. xiang was waiting for me at the traffic lights opposite sch. din noe how she noe i'm on the bus behind her, but was glad for her presence at that moment. made me feel stronger.
walking to the morning assembly ground when i was talking to my mom. she doesn't noe anything bout Lyn at all... doesn't noe wat destructive things she's doing to herself all these while. and i'm not there my her side to stop her if she's going to cut herself again. in the end i had no choice but to ask my mum to go check on her in her room cos there's no knowing wat she'll do to herself wif her history...and i broke down.
i couldn't help myself. been controlling all the while.
i din realize anyone wud notice, i was still talking to my mum, telling her to go check on my sis n keep a copy of her room key wif her so she can check on Lyn in case.
at which pt i noe i'm crying and my class was surrounding me, giving me tissues.
thanks claudia...and shihan.
the two were like patting me on the back and comforting me, "are u ok?? dun cry..."
i dung up wif my mum, but still had trouble stoping crying. their gentleness and comforting only make me feel more like crying and i told them that, asked them dun need comfort me cos i'll feel more like crying.
but they're like so nice...
throughout the morning the class was very sweet....
i dunno how many pple saw me crying, i'd tot onli a handful saw. but apparently, most of the class did.
sherm n layhoon were very nice thruout the day. esp layhoon, makes me feel warmer inside.
even nazirah. came to me after morn assembly and patted my on my shoulder n sayong in that husky voice of hers, "dun cry arh...". haha, her's came as abit of a surprise...cos she's like usually boh chup bout this kinda thing one?? dunno...but it felt nice to hear that from her.
mum later called to say that Lyn's ok... gonna sleep cos she's tired. but i asked mum to keep an eye on her for safety's sake. that stupid gal. foreva so short- sighted. she still has her life ahead of her n she has to think of ending her life? has she never tot of how the pple who loved her will feel if she dies?? she can die n maybe end all her problems, but it'll be a whose expense?? the parents who brought her up so painstakingly, n the heartbreaks she'll cause to those who love her...
if she were to die, she'll take away my reasons to live...
i love you, Lyn.
dun die...
u stupid gal.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 12:18 AM
Monday, August 11, 2003
Photo testing...
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 6:19 PM
Sunday, August 10, 2003
National Day
Singapore's 38th year of independence today :)
Happy Birthday Singapore~!!
haha, ok cliched i noe =p
been to my 3rd aunt's house for bbq in the evening then went to orchard to meet xiang after that. bought the cigarette case i've been wanting to buy for weeks. tho its not the one i had in mind its still not bad looking i think ;)
went to Five-Ten after that...david was to come later n we were like pia-ing to smoke first, cos we wun be able to after he comes. he barely nearly caught us sia...haha =X squashed the butt jus ten sec before he reached our table.
had a fun time tho =)
but din get to sing as much as we liked...this stupid waitress (damn dulan her everytime we went there) got smth against us or smth. everytime we go to the pub early and oder alot of songs, the pple who arrive later always got to sing first and sing more songs than us. finally buey tahan today after waiting like 2hr plus and confronted her, we'd waited so long where's our songs?? can u believe wat the gal said?? after making some excuses she said, "kbox is jus across the rd, wan to sing song dun wan to wait can go over there. sing until u shuang."
wat the @*&%$&*%!!! farking attitude man! damn dulan lor =[
when xiang n i were waitresses the time do u see us refering customers to the pub across the street jus cos we cant fulfill their requests?!
maybe its cos xiang n i had been in this line before n being in 'top-of-the-line', we expected more of these pple. but..wat the heck?! the gal's service is damn fucking lousy lor, not to mention her fucking attitude oso. grrrr... needless to say, we gave her helluva attidude back.
got our songs in the end. but still...dui =[
but haha...guess wat?? think we last time wu4 da3 wu4 zhuang4 found this pub, we may have found a 'crooked' pub sia :p
lots of butches there man. the 'waitresses' are butches, n most of the customers are too (bout half of the customers there). i wun be surprise to noe that there're gays there too.
but wah...the butchy 'waitress' was damn cute lor! keke =p
cute and friendly =) the athletic, boyish sort of look. clear skin, wide smile. tho not as yan dao as another butch 'waitress' who oso works there (on another shift diff days i guess; seen her last time we'd been there but not tonite) who really looks like a guy n a good-looking one at that. but this one is cute and sociable, nice :)
haha, was ogling at 'her' n fa-chuning to xiang. Lolx! ;p ahahaha.
hmmm...been a long time since i'd seen david. bout a couple of months?? haha, he's beefed up more since then, n quite nicely too. tot he'll go overboard with his muscle-building n get to have the Hulk's arms and biceps but a flat n skinny chest (eeeyucks). but yeah, not bad at all :) n not so much pimples oso liao...Lolx! ok, i'm mean =p haha. but no lah, he's quite ok. can imagine most gals mite swoon over him in fact. used to myself, but surprisingly, i'd crushed him when he was still a skinny, underbuilt (despite tall n dark) sec 3 boy and not now. erm...=/ haha, oh well. dun wan to dong xin over anybody now...a painful process. esp with my 'A's ard the corner. which reminds me...
chatting to my cousins (uni-grads already) bout my 'A's n told them it was in 3 months time n they were like,"and u're still here barbequeing wif us?!" =X msged ian later on n he was pretty comforting...told me to enjoy myself tonite (knew i was going orchard), 3mths is still sufficient for me to study as long as i did study in the end. haha, jus msged him that he made me feel better le when he replied tt wif yeah, but have to study else mite regret it after 'A's. aiyoh, he wasn't kidding when he said he's a wet blanket usually loe... told him so oso. blah blah blah. he was comforting enuf tho...but he serves as a reality check to me that 'A' levels is imminent...looks like i've to start studying le. he's rite, i dun wan to regret when i take back my results half a yr later...getting grades that are not good enuf to go singapore's uni but oso not lousy enuf to repeat jc...those not gd not bad results are the worst, cos there's no where for u to go after that...then it'll be either going out to work or wasting another 3-4 yrs in poly (unless got money to go overseas which i dun). nah, cannot. gotta start to study le. esp econ. cannot make it sia, have to spend extra time n effort revising it =/ god bless.
anyway, back to xiang n david.
took lotsa photos wif them today wif xiang's camera hp!! hehe X)
took some in the pub but too dark, cant show properly. took lotsa more when we were walking back to meridien later on when its brighter...effect really not bad sia~!! so happy =)
kept changing positions among the three of us. i was the shortest =/ n had SOME trouble positioning ourselves so i can be SEEN =[ been the butt of their jokes throughout sia. they good. hmph. bleeeah =p
really happy tho~
took some really nice shots =)
din put make up when i went out today, was afraid i'd look terible in the photos. but most were ok in the end. prob cos the nite camouflaged my horrible looks. Lolx! =p
had a fun time positioning ourselves too. cos the photo space was quite small so we had to adjust ourselves. they had to bend to adjust to my height oso (cos i was like 20cm shorter than them in my slippers =/). was standing very close to david in several shots. those in which he's standing behind me, i could feel his breath on my ear. Lolx...if some pple saw SOME of the shots of us three, they'd probably tot he was my stead for standing so intimately close to me =p
and then there were the shots where i was standing behind him and balancing on his shoulders...his muscles are real sia. feels so steady n secure i can continue to hang on to him forever man ;p haha. yummy~!! Lolx! Xp
the three of us were pretty satisfied wif most of the shots.
but i think the happiest we felt bout the whole thing was the feeling of togetherness...after all, the three of us had walked so far to get to where we are here.
8years of frienship sia; a friendship in which we'd stuck together n only got closer wif passing yrs... unlike wat most pple our age consider as a long 10 or 11 yr 'frenship' in which they barely kept in contact a couple of times a year (or once in a couple of yrs) and still consider themselves close wif their frens, OUR frenship has tested Time and all sorts of hardship... ah hua, shan, kelvin, alwin, huanda...each incident is etched into my mind. the pain and hardship we'd encountered in facing and solving these problems are the building blocks of our frenship and sees us thru yet another level of understanding and mo4 qi4 wif each other... our lives are already so intermingled wif each other that even if any one of us chooses to seperate ourselves from this circle, it'll still be difficult to break these ties... there're jus too many things stringing us together that even if xiang n i were to be seperated by time or distance someday, i believe that david and i will still be bound to each other by these threads and threads of history.
hmmm...looked like i'd jus spent half my loooooong entry on this =p shall stop liao. but really thank god and the powers that create everything possible for xiangling and the pple i love. without them, my life is meaningless. perhaps its true that i do live my life for others, but so wat?? i believe that everybody in this world lives for somebody and that somebody out there IS living jus becos you are here. i love you pple... thanks for giving me the reasons to carry on living =)
You're the loving smile,the one that is entirely
devoted to others,especially that one
person.You really can't get them out of your
head,but then,you don't really want to.
What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Everyone remembers the 'faked-orgasm-in-a-deli'
sequence from your kind of movie When Harry Met
Sally. It seems that you're falling for a buddy
or have already fallen for them. Uh-oh. You're
probably caught between the possibility of
having a great relationship and wrecking the
one you have now. You know what they say, it's
better to regret something you did than
something you didn't do.
What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla
erm....am i??
but hai...the last line's pretty true, i'm always regretting smth i didn't do... =/
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 6:04 AM
Friday, August 08, 2003
Lyn's Birthday
another day of gluttony *sheepish grin* =p
it has got to be my greatest sin man, haha.
bought lots of food today...not to mention spent lotsa money on them too. lets see...
Birthday feast today:
1. Jack's Place chocolate mousse cake
2. chicken wings
3. satays (over-bought...20 of them in fact)
4. fried prawns
5. fried sotong (yummy~!!)
6. (braised?) spare ribs
7. fried rice
8. fried Hong Kong noodles
needless to say, we couldn't finish evrything.
scratch that. wat everything?? we coudn't even finish half of everything.
mum was grumbling bout how much food i'd bought...cant finish...spent so much money...will waste in the end...every year like that. haha, wat to do?? who ask she has to ask me buy the food today?? =p keke.
so full...feeling so lazy and lethargic now.
sis wans to go westmall shop for some things tml. very sick of west mall already actually, and feeling damn lazy to go there shop for stuff i'm not interested in. but its her birthday, wat to do?? =/
poor thing...she was complaining like her bday this yr like not properly celebrated like that oso =/ i think so too...like not many pple celebrating with/for her. hai...poor thing. but maybe its cos she's seen how xiang and i celebrated lor... dun wan to make xiang guilty for not being able to make it, but think lyn will be happier if they turned up...yeah =/
k. looks like i've to pei her tml le. aiyoh...actually wanna go down meridian there to shop for cigarette case one. tsk tsk. other places selling too ex le, cheapest $9.90. meridien the rd stalls there selling bout $7.90 for the same ones. haha, u must be thinking me ciggas already cost so much, n hafta buy frequently spend so much, still care the $2 difference for wat?? haha, its a bargain mah...aiyah, i kiam lah, cant blame me =p Lolx
Mother - You tend to treat everyone like children
for some reason... Have a tendacy to be over-
cautious and over-protective. Your personal
slogan is: "Be careful!"
****What is YOUR Inner Personality?****
brought to you by Quizilla
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 9:59 PM
Thursday, August 07, 2003
Suki Sushi =9
jus came back from eating at Lot1's Suki Sushi with sis. damn full sia...the food there is damn good lor!! even better than Suchi Ondo, my god. but yeah...feeling lethargic now.
supposed to be helping my sis celebrate her birthday with xiang they all tonite...but everybody is busy, so only the two of us and there's pretty limited stuff we can do to celebrate. so wat do we do?? eat of cos =p haha. still, feel abit sorry for my sis...like she was pretty dissapointed that xiang they all cant make it =/ sort of expecting more company i guess. dun blame her...after she's seen the sort of fervour we went thru to celebrate mine and xiang's bdays, she mite have expected more maybe. but still, we had a glutton of a time eating, haha =p
tho xiang n stella cant make it, they'd both prepared presents for Lyn. passed xiang's pressie to sis this evening...a modern looking square jar of choc and assorted Famous Amos cookies!! yummy!! =9 Lolx...can see that i'd helped my sis eat some le har?? =p keke.
stella got her a very unique grass-growing animal artifice...apparently, seeds are stored in soil packed into animal shapes and when taken care of and watered (soaked more like it) constantly, green grass will grow out of its back...so interesting! and we can cut or trim the grass that grows out too, ahaha. stella got my sis one in the shape of a pig...yeah, cos my sis likes pigs =p
me?? i got her the Perlini Silver bracelet (looks good on her tanned skin) and a coin pouch tt can double up as a handphone pouch (that i bought today at plaza, very pretty looking). yup.
sch went ok today...spent more time wif ian :) quite fun.
hilarious in sch today man...Lolx Xp
our class passed ard this paper (as usual, note-passing in class) to have a "Three-Word Story", R(A) version, where each of us take turns to write three words and spin out a story...and in this case, an R(A) rated one; with benny and our CT (civics tutor) chan kok heng being the leads...u can imagine wat kinda sick plot we spurn out =p no actually, dun think u can...but it was along the lines of public masturbation, SM and oral sex...hahahaha Xp
i contributed two very sick but creative and obviously hilarious lines (the paper went ard the class twice or thrice and everyone got to write only once each rnd) that cracked me and ian up totally! Lolx~
impresed wif my own genius man, Lolx! =p
may be going to have breakfast wif ian tml morn, then perhaps study together for awhile after that. we'll confirm tml morning i guess. haha, both of us (along wif nearly half our class i think, Lolx! =p ) ponning the NDP 'celebration' in sch tml. walking one hr plus in a walkathon is supposed to be a celebration?? SIAOZ. the sch must be mad =[
hmmm...hope can have breakfast wif ian tml. but oso hope can have a longer uninterupted sleep. sigh...we jus cant have the best of both worlds i guess. but give me only one choice and i'll choose the breakfast wif ian. i can sleep any other time after meeting him tml, but there's not many chances that we can actually meet to chat in private without the presence of the class around us sia. there's so much i wan to let him know, things that i hope will break down the walls between us and foster trust and frenship, but things that i can only tell him when we're alone... without the presence of chi, mingyang, or beca this time... (tho beca mite be there tml, dunno *shrug*)
but there're some things that i feel he may have to discover on his own too i guess...
tired...think i gotta go catch some zzzzzzzs soon. slept bout 3hrs for two consecutive days. cant tahan already. but first, gotta enjoy my daily elixir first =p
You are every secretary's nightmare
Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
kinky ;p Lolx...
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 10:38 PM
Jaded =/
Econ test in sch today...our final econ test of the year. but more of prelims and A levels still =/ first test i actually went in with only my own knowledge and sat down to do the paper, din copy of reference at all...wah, its a damn diff feeling man =p so nervous before the test sia, nv like this for any other tests before in these 2yrs before (not including the major mid-yr and yr-end exams). tho i know i'm still gonna fail the overall, but at least I STUDIED~ tho obviously not thorough enough. still, it gives me hope that i CAN actually study for econs, or rather, know how to now. but haha, my MCQ copied wholesale from beeny tho =p so the test marks wun still all be mine =p Lolx. he's so nice to bully man ;p
haha, been 'flirting' with benny and mingyang the whole day sia =p
ok, actually more of mingyang...he's jus so cute!! did i mention he looks so much like the asian version of H arry Potter?? oh my...*drool*
Lolx =p and he looks so cute when he's shy or paiseh that its so fun to tease him. so adorable~ haha. i still cant forget his looks when he embarassedly tries to suppress his smiles and end up trembling his lips...as in REALLY trembling. i've nv seen anyone do that before :p so interesting man. i love to make him laugh and see him struggle to supress his smiles, so cute! haha, ok...evil of me to tease him =p but he's such a nice boy i'm sure he wun mind =p
he was so embarrassed when i 'act' Hermoine Granger n went to sit in front of him at the cafe jus now. his face went pink from hearing all the teasings and hootings the rest at the other tables were giving him, and he was smiling and trying to suppress his embarrassment in this totally adorable way that i coundn't help teasing gim further...Lolx!
benny too. we (the usual san ba) were teasing gim mercilessly bout his 'double life' in which he enjoys SM sex...which reminds me: buy benny a candle for his 18th birthday this 23rd of August =p Lolx...let him enjoy his fetish in private...wahahahaha!!
was cuddling up to him a few times today cos the classrooms and LT5 we were having lesson and taking test today was freezingly cold. was already wearing a thick pullover and still freezing man. jus grabbed his arm and hugged! to keep myself warm. but yeah...din hold on long cos paiseh oso, tho we both got 'protective layers' (both wearing thick pullovers). if fact, i only dared to grab his arm cos i was wearing the pullover, cover any skin contact. but he sorta pulled his arm away after awhile. tho it was a slight movement only to dislodge his arm from my embrace, i still took it to heart lor...
hurt =/ tho i din show it out...yeah, so i'm not glory. but a gal hugged him he shouldn't have rejected rite? hurt my feelings =( hey, i dun hug jus any other boy k. 'chose' him cos i know he's a nice boy and wun misunderstand my actions n he got to do this =( hai...nvm.
hmmm...din get to spend much quality time wif ian today. sian... or the 'cheem' term for it--JADED =/
thats prob y i'd to resort to 'flirting' and teasing benny and mingyang instead today. hope that he'll feel warmer towards me tml, else the two of them will have to suffer my pestering them again =p but haha, mingyang is jus irrisistible. gonna find chance tease him somemore tml =p he jus looks damn cute when he's paiseh man. Lolx!
went to jp with xuan to shop for my sis birthday present. intended to get her a bra one (her kiddy sort...Lolx) but din in the end and bought so many other things instead =/
Things i bought today:
1. Perlini Silver bracelet for sis
2. A pair of black lady saddles for myself
3. A set of 3 comic books
Xiang came over my place and we went to our usual playground to smoke--the place where i'd first started to smoke also. shiok. though i enjoy smoking alone, its nice to smoke and chat wif ya best fren under the nite sky :)
used xiang's hp to see Her msgs to me finally, cos mine phone function dun support Her kinda msgs... they were really sweet.....=/ tho i dun feel the pain i'd felt last time from seperating myself from Her, i wonder how wud it be like if we had carried our frenship a few steps further...wud it have progressed into smth?? and wud i have dared to tell Her i..... T_T guess i'll never know now. but a part of me is still holding on to a glimmer of hope i guess; tho this hope is fading wif time. but that is good i think, cos the lesser the hopes i hold, the lesser the pain i'd succumb to...
SPIRIT is your chinese symbol!
What Chinese Symbol Are You? -- Updated (7/21/03)
brought to you by Quizilla
You come from the Ocean. You've always been drawn
to the sea, the sound of the waves, the crystal
blue water, near the sea is where you belong.
Where Did Your Soul Originate?
brought to you by Quizilla
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 3:08 AM
Tuesday, August 05, 2003
Slackzzz
slack sia...pon sch today cos late. lotsa hw not done cos i "over-napped' again last nite :/ haha :p
bad habit sia...gotta change, else dunno how i'm gonna get pass my 'A's like this...
haha, me liking sch?? diao...i only like sch for the pple in it n the fun times i spend wif frens n classmates i guess.
but my 'conscious self' seem true enuf...i do seem to focus alot on my connection with others to make me happy...and yeah, i'd rather be alone then with the wrong person. y tortore myself or waste my precious time on pple i dun like?? mah jiam i got nth betta to do, even alone. bleahhh =p
econ test tml sia...gotta take a SHORT nap *cross fingers* then wake up to study. but first...gotta get my dose of elixir first =X
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 2:24 PM
Monday, August 04, 2003
I wan more...
woke up this morn to ian's msg that he overslept and will be late for sch... happy to see his msg, cos it means tho he's late he'll still be coming sch today :)
msging him the whole morning until he arrives in sch...so suay--was jus asking him to be careful when coming in the sch gate dun let the om or principal catch, n 2mins later he msged that he jus kena caught by om le! so suay sia...but heng the om let him off easy, haha.
din get to spend much time wif him today. n the times i was wif him discovered i was more concious of wat i was saying le...keep thinking wat n how does he interprete wat i'm saying or doing.
we were having lunch today n toking bout our supper on sat nite when sherm overheard n went,"u all had supper together??!" n blah blah blah bout the gou3 nan2 nu3 (dog man n woman) thing again. but i was quick to explain that there was another fren present oso that nite.
then she asked where n when we go, and guess wat?? how long did we eat??
ian n i were like looking at each other.
erm...how are we gonna tell her we had supper for 6 hrs?!
haha, in the end we were there calculating how long we took to eat supper n things we did after that. but sherm was still going on bout the gou nan nu stuff. aiyoh...
i was pretty paiseh lor...cos sherm was already harping on bout how come ian keep msging me in the morn din msg her (cos i know ian overslept and late and when he was caught by om later) etc etc...had to keep explaining to her cos its i always late thats y. gotta placate her wat...
dun think she's actually jealous, jus that she's prob so used to sticking to ian that she still havent got over how come the two of us got so familiar. but then again, saw some of ian's dirty looks n tiny gestures towards her again when she was sticking to him n flirting playfully wif him today...and sherm obviously doesn't realise it. if its me, i wud have been conscious of it when he's unhappy wif my irritating him n be so affected that i'll not go near him ever again for fear of irritating him more. still remember how i felt bout him last yr, intimidated by his easily disliking of other pple. now that i know from him that he hadn't dislike me last yr unlike wat i tot, its still hard not to get intimidated by him sometimes. aiyoh, ian ah..mus change ya black looks ar. haha =p
hmmm...din get to go for photo taking wif class today cos i'd to go listen to the steven koh's (principal) stupid lecture =[
so dissapointed n sad sia...=(
called ian the moment i got out (after he'd lectured us for bout 45mins) and he told me they'd already finished taking n on the way home le (reaching home in fact! grrrr...stupid P nag so long). so sad... =( but ian's pretty comforting, say that our class will be requesting another photo-taking session so i mite be able to take agian, dun need sad. felt better after hearing that :) sure hope so...
went greenridge nearby to smoke after that, far away from pple's eyes...been gianing since noon le. then half-way thru my first cig ian called. was feeling so conscious of the cig in my hands tho i know he cant see it =/ poor him dulan over paying so much ($30) for the doc to only give him two weeks pe mc for his ingrown toenail... aiyoh.
anyway, finished my last few sticks le...got xiang to buy me a packet from her place (small pack cheaper) since my here 7-11's sell big pack damn ex. small pack ten sticks $3.40, big pack twenty sticks $7plus?? wad the hell. they think singaporean's maths fail one ar?? wan oso buy 2 small packs rite?? duh. heck wat economic or health deterants its suppose to hold. stupid 'gar-men' actually increase the taxes on cigarettes jus when i'd jus started to smoke?! &*%&^$%#$@*grrrr...=[
weed, first base, everything spawns from this but
beaware my son you may think that you're just a
social smoker, but things can spiral out of
your control! however it happened to me, and im
having the time of my life, so who cares man.
how to tell if you have an addiction
brought to you by Quizilla
Lolx...and the picture looks so innocent too :p
Solo smoker. You only smoke when it's the company
of yourself. You think it should be a private
activity.
What kind of smoker are you? (for smokers)
brought to you by Quizilla
Your a polite smoker. You realize not everyone
smokes and try to accomidate them. You never
violate no smoking areas, and you even sit in
the non smoking section to keep from annoying
others with your smoke.
What kind of smoker are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 7:45 PM
Feeling weak...
Goddess of the Night. Beautiful yet a strange
darkness and sadness lurk about you.
What element would you rein over? (For Girls)
brought to you by Quizilla
Feeling weak...dunno why i'm missing him so badly...jus the tot of him not being in sch tml is enough to make me nearly tear... getting too melancholic for my own good sia.
went online to find him jus now...yeah, fat hope. if i go online (class channel) so seldomly, thinks he goes there even lesser. unless recently its cos we expect each other to be online.
chatting animatedly to apple jus now while i'm feeling darkness consume all of my insides...chatting bout things that totally dun matter to me while i read his sad past. some of his feelings are replica of mine in the past, at some stage of my life or other... was trembling all over from all my pent up emotions that i've no way to vent or speak out since there's no one i can speak to about this there...n even if i can describe my feelings, i cant give any explainations for them. for even i do not know why i feel this way.
feel like lighting up...AGAIN.
think if he knows i smoke he'll prob...wat? i dunno...
be dissapointed?? or does he take me as a fren enuf to be dissapointed?? this is the me i know now...will i live up to his expectations?? haha, he mite not even care for all i know.
frankly, if he's not coming to sch tmli think i can hide in the toilet n smoke all day le...yeah, as if thats possible =/
my last lesson had taught me well enough that i CANT get caught in sch, absolutely. n yeah, i've gotta see the stupid principal tml =[ grrrr...
jus cos i'm like 10mins "late" into the GP test?? for god's sake, they havent started or anything...jus go there to daydream for half an hr is called revising?? if we are so umprepared y go sit for the test at al?? duh. hope i get like, 35/50 for that gp common test...then see wat the idiot has to say bout my lateness. bloody farker =[
yeah...as if i could =/ still, i can hope cant i?? haha.
still feel like smoking...think i can indulge in another stick before i go bathe off this smell?? wan to...dun wan to go to sch tml keep gianing to smoke n suffering the whole day. n i CANT get smoke smell on my clothes, esp since i'm gotta see the principle in the noon.
smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke... i wan to smoke....
how i wish i've got more frens who can accept me smoking...duh, how i wish i would smoke in sch. double duh =/
think alot of pple wud probably ostracise me if they saw me smoking...the goodie-goodies in my class. but i cant really blame them...i know how non-smokers feel bout pple smoking since i'd been one before...and one wif very stringent principles on that in particular. wat has caused me to change??
jc life is so stressed n troubling that even though i shouldn't be smoking, its the only way i can find solace and a way out of my misery...
wish that ian will be in sch tml. wish that we'll be able to continue wat we left off before fri nite. wish that things will turn out smoothly and happily tml n ever after. am i wishing for the moon??
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 12:25 AM
Sunday, August 03, 2003
Supper at greenridge...
think ian let beca know i know he knows le.
so wierd, like the three of us know but still cant discuss it openly.
at least, i dun think wat they say is exactly wat they think....but then again, its such a subjective matter. n they as outsiders cant prob see from where i stand...
anyway, jus returned home only. 4.40am already.
time sure flies man. in a blink of an eye we've been at and about greenridge for 6hrs without knowing it. jus sitting there singing n reminicsing. blah blah blah. feel totally inferior singing alongside with them man...they choir one, sing damn nice sia. but really enjoyed the experience, been a long time since i actually sang any of these songs...feel like learning how to sing some more english songs :) know too few le.
but they touched on a few sensitive subjects, w/o knowing they did =/
saw this cute edison-chen-lookalike guy eating at another table, but their impression of him spoilt when he started smoking.
truth was, he was one of the few guys i saw who looked damn good when he's smoking...somehow or other, it fits his image. then bec was saying smokers were on the top of her hate-list n we were discussing bout that for awhile...sensitive sia. i wonder how she'll react if she knows some of her closest frens are smoking too...=/ told them i used to dislike seeing gals smoke, very destroy image man (thats the truth wat...USED TO), but know of some frens who smoke so more tolerant now... Wonder did ian catch my loophole. but he was pretty reserved on this topic oso anyway...
eye infection from wearing my contact lens too long today i guess...bright lights irritating my eyes. cant stare at the screen too long le, gonna sleep soon.
hoping to go to sch on mon so can be with ian =p think i siao le, actually wanting to go sch, haha.
think he mentioned whether wan to go sch every morn together anot... pretty ridiculous considering how i'm like always late, dun wan to hai him late oso sia.
had my first puff this noon after one week's abstinence...wat can i say?? shiok man...
even jus smelling the tobacco relaxes me already. but i'm paying for it with a sorethroat now...think too long din smoke throat cant take the dryness or wat le.
maybe going drink coffee wif glo tml...to smoke mostly. drinking starbucks/coffee bean's coffee n smoking...sinful delights man =p
esplanade seems a better place actually, but too far (may wan to study in the noon first) n no coffee oso =/ yeah...
You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 5:28 AM
Saturday, August 02, 2003
Confused...
jus came back from econ seminar...
dunno wat to say...
typing it out make things seem too finalized, n my heart will break either way...
everything went fine actually. but...
shall wait for tonite after i go for supper wif him b4 i make any conclusions.
feel like smoking...
:(
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 4:09 PM
Friday, August 01, 2003
Chaos...
OH.MY.GOD.
Ian knows. my god.
n i let him know i know bout him too.
my god.
n u noe wat??
he asked me if i liked him?? not the first time he asked le...but still cant believe tt he tot i'd like him in that sense...still cant believe he seriously asked me that...
MIRC jus now...
R|sE|8> y u wan me sit beside u?
R|sE|8> u like me ah`!?~
R|sE|8> hahahaha
ursula> so i wun be bored ma
R|sE|8> orh
R|sE|8> ahah
R|sE|8> okok
ursula> haha, i dun like u y i be frens wif u rite??
ursula> keke
R|sE|8> like as in.
R|sE|8> gal like boy those type
R|sE|8> lol
blah blah blah.
R|sE|8> u haven asnwer me!!!!!!!!
R|sE|8> u like me issit?~!
R|sE|8> AHaHaHhahahahaHahaHaHa
ursula> aiyoh
ursula> y u ask this qn??
R|sE|8> Lol
R|sE|8> dunno
R|sE|8> asking lohz
R|sE|8> issit?
R|sE|8> :P
ursula> who's been putting it into ya head??
R|sE|8> nono
R|sE|8> ahaha
ursula> i hestant to answer not becos u're rite, but cos i dunno how to nswer
R|sE|8> dunno
R|sE|8> huh?
ursula> no??
R|sE|8> dunno how to answer?
R|sE|8> yes or no lohz
R|sE|8> duh
R|sE|8> lol
ursula> no =p
ursula> u thick skin lar u =p
ursula> lol
R|sE|8> ok
R|sE|8> ahahaa
R|sE|8> :P
ursula> .....i scared i like hurt ya pride or wat if i say straightout
ursula> hmmm...y u ask me leh??
ursula> so funny
R|sE|8> HUH?
R|sE|8> hurt my pride?~!
R|sE|8> lOL
ursula> hmmm...u hurt or angry at me or smth??
ursula> cos cant be ya feelings mah!! =p
blah blah blah.
my god.
n i'm meeting him tml to go econ seminar.
so bloody paiseh!
shucks.
how did he get it into his mind one??
did i treat him THAT nice make him misunderstand?? tho he knows now le... but still...
wah lao, if i was that successful with my other crushes how good =/
shit. how am i gonna face him tml?? wat am i gonna say to him?!
argh!
pray that we dun jus end the jus blossoming frenship cos of this...
bloody stupid nite.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 11:03 PM
He makes sch a happy place... :]
Had an interesting geog tutorial with mdm seow (our human geog tutor) today...apparently her mom can see spirits (yup, the floating kind) and such, cool. she was telling us all sorts of stuff bout pontianaks...think i got a bit creeped out after a while tho she was narrating everything in a pretty humourous manner. hope i dun get creeped out when i go sleep at nite... =/ and its the seventh month too!! (ghost festival in singapore now) *brrrrrr...*
was contemplating whether to go esplanade later anot...but decided not to go in the end. too lazy to get dressed, put make-up, prepare to go out. so gonna laze in front of the compt n tv the whole day le i guess.
hmmm...din wan to go oso cos i know if i go there i'll be smoking (the esplanade has the best atmosphere to smoke man...beautiful river/harbour view and nite lights n no one who'll recognize me). glo wanted to go out oso...she knows i smoke so i dun mind smoking in front of her, but i dun wan to encourage her...its dangerous to know and SEE ya fren smoke when u're already tempted. i should know.
so yeah glo, maybe another time?? =p
happy day today too :)
ian finally called me a "fren" le...!!! haha =p ok, lame i know. wat can we be if we're not frens?? but this word has alot of significance...cos it signifies that we've cossed the 'classmate' hurdle and mark the start of a period where we can safely call each other our fren w/o needing to fear the rejection of frenship from the other.
din get to go home with him today (so sad, he was waiting for me at the bus stop too...), so was thinking alot on the bus on the way home alone. recalling all the times we spent together today...from eating in the canteen, whispering in class, his tense moment wif sherm, his lame calling of my name, our sneaking out from the com lab during GP lesson to buy tidbits n drinks and his offering to help me hold my stuff on the way back. remembering all these makes me so happy =)
esp since i feel that we've started to have some of the mo4 qi4 that only good frens can share, like sharing knowing looks and laughing (by ourselves or at someone) together, drawing silly cute caricatures with our coloured pens, n giving each other 'the look' during the sherm thingy...
but yeah, speaking of that...think he's starting to make it too obvious le...tho i dunno how he usually treat sherm before i get to know him well. used to think his looks of disgust at sherm's flirting during GP classes were made up. He gave sherm the dirtiest look i've ever seen him showed her before today during one of our breaks jus as we were bout to enter a class...its so obvious this time that sherm cant even ignore it. she was like, so pissed man..."why do u keep giving me THAT look?? who do u think are?!"
i acted like i din hear it. but, woah...
things got quite tense when we were playing "Bluff" in the class too. the two were like argueing how they think it should be played (cannot pass, no! can pass...). i'm used to playing the method ian plays too, but when in rome, do as the romans do, so i usually play how the rest of them play. but i share ian's tot that its ridiculous not to pass. but seeing that the two of them were argueing so heatedly already, i'm not going to step into their crossfire. boy, is sherm violatile today. ian buay tahan in the end n left the game when it ended after the first round. i quickly switch the game to playing daidee instead ("at least not so many rules")...man.
was reading wat i wrote above n thinking of how the others like ian cant possibly publish their anger or displeasure abt the class in their blogs cos that will mean the subject of their displeasure will know too, since like everybody knows everybody's blog... so xin1 ku3 (tortorous). feels that i've chosen rightly not to let them know bout my blog...otherwise, i wouldn't have written so much bout them n i i feel towards them liao. n man, my entries bout ian will be especially embarassing n scandalous...knowing my class, they'll probably misinterprete that i like him or smth. yeah, i like him alot, but onli the frens kinda like, nth else...
yup. ian makes sch such a happy place =)
as long as i'm with him.
Was reading the newpaper n saw this news article bout how JC stress can "sap your life force":
"JC has a way of sapping your energy for life, by making you focus too much on short-term goals. By making you fail to realise that life continues after JC....It fills up your day- every day for two years- but leaves the spirit empty. It (JC life) is about watching what you said and do in school to gain acceptance in a group. Ita's about countless things that won't matter at all in the end."
its written by a journalist who'd experienced it all before. n boy, she's hit so close to the truth that all of us feel but fail to realise we felt that way, that i was momentarily stunned.
the second tot i had was to cut out the article to show ian tml in sch, until i realise that there's no sch tml (tho we'll be going to the econ seminar thing at singapore poly tml) n that ian will prob find it wierd y i'll show him that article. cos i know he should relax more n not stress imself up so much over his 'A's. then my next tot was, woah...y am i thinking of cutting it out FOR ian?? its the kind of thing i'll do for my sis, xiang or hanxiang.
the seriousness i'm putting into our frenship will probably shock him if he knew bout it.
econs seminar tml. hope there's free seating so i can sit with xiang. if we must sit with our class, i hope i can get to sit beside ian man, else i'll probably be bored off my arse in the 3-hr long seminar! argh.
Pink:
You see the world in bright pink. The world is a
happy, happy place! You love all people and
things!! Life is great! You're just like a
happy child. Spread the cheer.
Made by
Sara
What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 7:43 PM
