[ Me ]
Nickname: Ursula
Birthday: 7th January 1985
Zodiac: Capricorn
Where From: Singapore
Laidback, sensitive, fickle, easily-tickled, fiercely loyal
Manga and anime lover, enthusist, collector and critic/ Coffee lover, addict and expert maker/ Aspiring future wife of famous culinary chef/ Aspiring future wife of a 1.8m tall hunk
My Friendster link:
http://www.friendster.com/vivis
[ Likes ]
Sleeping, dancing, books, manga, anime, chocolates, coffee, Jap food, Italian food, Ayumi Hamasaki, people, my sister
[ Fave Books ]
Harry Potter series, Artemis Fowl series, The Inheritence Trilogy series, The Da Vinci Code, Memoir of a Geisha, I Don't Know How She Does It... and all my comics n manga!!!
[ Currently Reading ]
Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell
by Susanna Clarke
Inkheart
by Cornelia Funke
The Well Of Loneliness
by Radclyffe Hall
Midnight's Children
by Salman Rushdie
Madame Sadayakko: The Geisha Who Seduced The West
by Lesley Downer
The Unbearable Lightness Of Being
by Milan Kundera
The Historian
by Elizabeth Kostova
[ The Wishlist ]
My Amazon.com Wishlist:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/ref=yourlists_pop_1/103-2401787-9502236
Phillips MC235 Thin Stereo Microsystem
Kathy Van Zeeland bag
(saw on amazon.com going for bout US$65... Why dun Singapore stock her goods??! >.< I wan it in Topaz colour~!!!)
The Lord of the Rings
by J.R.R. Tolkien
Inu-Yasha Theme Song Collection
12 Kingdoms/ Juuni Kokuki anime VCD sets
GUESS bag (darn, i dun have the $120 required to buy it now and i noe it'll be gone soon, Guess always changing their apparels every month or so u_u)
DKNY gold and crystal-studded watch (very ornamental, more a dress watch then an every-funtion watch. still, pretty~)
Mphosis pale gold SLIPPERS (i run through my shoes and slippers like they cost nth X/)
The BodyShop BLUSHER in Golden Pink
The BodyShop blusher BRUSH
Shiseido eyelash CURLER
Full-length wall MIRROR(s) for my room
A new big every-purpose BAG
Pretty SHOES
A Digital CAMERA
A bloody new PC or laptop with the speed of light and a gazillion GB of memory!! =[
The Sims 2 (PC game edition)
[ The Memories ]
Tuesday, August 12, 2003
"I love you. dun die..."
Wat a day...
jus received news from a fren (same primary and secondary sch fren) priscilla that a bp junior of ours jus commited suicide this morn... and the worst thing was, i know that junior. she was in basketball oso in bp. a very quiet gal...Yan Wen...
she's in cjc now. the third jc student suicide case in less than 2 months.
called huixin (my basketball junior and when in bp, and oso her gd fren in bp) to confirm is it true...
it is.
we were analysing wat could have forced her to take that step...
relationship is the stupidest reason, but its likely...if its her first love she's more likely to take it hard.
studies stress?? not likely...she's onli in her 1st yr which is like so slack compared to 2nd yr (n in cjc a 'neighbourhood' jc too) n the timing now is so off...a month pass the mid-yrs already and no where near yr-end exams yet (esp in the perspective of 1st yrs who're like damn slack?).
family problem? huixin said its likely tho she dunno her family probs tt well since yan wen keeps to herself alot, often bottling up everything instead of letting her frens noe.
priscilla was saying perhaps it cud be sch life, as in her social life in sch...cant fit in wioth her schmates n stuff. yeah...likely oso. she told me some stuff bout cjc n how u have to fit into a certain grp to be accepted there (needless to say, must be the ah beng ah lian grp, etc).
priscilla told me bout the suicidal case in her own sch...rjc. one of the two jc students suicide cases in the past one month. pris noes the best fren of the gal who died...apparently, the best fren was the last person she called before she hung herself in her balcony. her best fren kept trying to call the gal's bro, but he was too late in saving her in the end. when i heard the story from pris, the hairs at the backof my neck stood. not jus cos the way the gal died was so scary (hanging herself...i think i'm going to have nitemares tonite...cant get the image out of my mind...so scared =/) but oso cos i can imagine if i were in the shoes of the best fren, or worst, the brother. how wud feel if i were the best fren on the receiving end of her final words, helpless to dissuade her, unable to be present to stop her? or worst, how wud i feel if i were her brother picking up the phone late cos i was too lazy (or for wateva trivial reason) too late to pick the phone and discovered my sis's hanging body in th balcony jus five mins too late?
actually, i know how i'm gonna feel. i'd feel so ridden by guilt that i'll nv pick myself up again. if i din already follow her along.
how cud the gal go knowing that she wud have caused so much pain and agony to her love ones? isn't that deterant enuf for her to halt her actions? she's gone now and its too late to debate whether she's in the right or wrong. maybe she did have her own reasons to choose this path. but i believe, if she were to endure this pain now, ten or maybe even three to five yrs later after she'd transcended this experience, i'm sure she wud look back at all these past history and experinces and laugh at them. the foolishness and idiosyncracies of youth and all its troubles. nothing cannot be solved by Time. so wat if u're suffering in jc?? endure for a couple more yrs (or less) till u graduate. worse comes to worse, quit jc to go study in poly or go work. or if u cant get along wif ya family and are suffering at home, jus endure a few yrs til when u're 20 or 21 and u can move out already and be free from them. relationship problems are the stupidest reasons to commit suicide over and i shall save my effort in listing them out. duh. you see? there's nothing that Time cant smooth over. who knows, Time and Age may make u see that wat u feel worth dying for may not be worth the same ultimate sacrifice when u've matured.
this is like so sad...cos there's nth in this world that one has to seek death as a solution.
suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
also...this news came as a double blow cos my sis was also contemplating suicide this morn...
that stupid gal.
was so angry, so worried, and ultimately so fearful and so sad...
she refused to take my calls n i'd kept msging her throughout my bus ride to sch.
was in tears at one pt on the bus, but din let my tears flow down...too many jjcians on bus too.
called my mom when i alighted. at least she's at home and can check on my sis since i'm too far away to be of immediate help. xiang was waiting for me at the traffic lights opposite sch. din noe how she noe i'm on the bus behind her, but was glad for her presence at that moment. made me feel stronger.
walking to the morning assembly ground when i was talking to my mom. she doesn't noe anything bout Lyn at all... doesn't noe wat destructive things she's doing to herself all these while. and i'm not there my her side to stop her if she's going to cut herself again. in the end i had no choice but to ask my mum to go check on her in her room cos there's no knowing wat she'll do to herself wif her history...and i broke down.
i couldn't help myself. been controlling all the while.
i din realize anyone wud notice, i was still talking to my mum, telling her to go check on my sis n keep a copy of her room key wif her so she can check on Lyn in case.
at which pt i noe i'm crying and my class was surrounding me, giving me tissues.
thanks claudia...and shihan.
the two were like patting me on the back and comforting me, "are u ok?? dun cry..."
i dung up wif my mum, but still had trouble stoping crying. their gentleness and comforting only make me feel more like crying and i told them that, asked them dun need comfort me cos i'll feel more like crying.
but they're like so nice...
throughout the morning the class was very sweet....
i dunno how many pple saw me crying, i'd tot onli a handful saw. but apparently, most of the class did.
sherm n layhoon were very nice thruout the day. esp layhoon, makes me feel warmer inside.
even nazirah. came to me after morn assembly and patted my on my shoulder n sayong in that husky voice of hers, "dun cry arh...". haha, her's came as abit of a surprise...cos she's like usually boh chup bout this kinda thing one?? dunno...but it felt nice to hear that from her.
mum later called to say that Lyn's ok... gonna sleep cos she's tired. but i asked mum to keep an eye on her for safety's sake. that stupid gal. foreva so short- sighted. she still has her life ahead of her n she has to think of ending her life? has she never tot of how the pple who loved her will feel if she dies?? she can die n maybe end all her problems, but it'll be a whose expense?? the parents who brought her up so painstakingly, n the heartbreaks she'll cause to those who love her...
if she were to die, she'll take away my reasons to live...
i love you, Lyn.
dun die...
u stupid gal.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 12:18 AM
