The Heart Keeps Beating

[ Me ]

Nickname: Ursula
Birthday: 7th January 1985
Zodiac: Capricorn
Where From: Singapore

Laidback, sensitive, fickle, easily-tickled, fiercely loyal

Manga and anime lover, enthusist, collector and critic/ Coffee lover, addict and expert maker/ Aspiring future wife of famous culinary chef/ Aspiring future wife of a 1.8m tall hunk

My Friendster link:
http://www.friendster.com/vivis

[ Likes ]

Sleeping, dancing, books, manga, anime, chocolates, coffee, Jap food, Italian food, Ayumi Hamasaki, people, my sister

[ Fave Books ]

Harry Potter series, Artemis Fowl series, The Inheritence Trilogy series, The Da Vinci Code, Memoir of a Geisha, I Don't Know How She Does It... and all my comics n manga!!!

[ Currently Reading ]

Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell
by Susanna Clarke

Inkheart
by Cornelia Funke

The Well Of Loneliness
by Radclyffe Hall

Midnight's Children
by Salman Rushdie

Madame Sadayakko: The Geisha Who Seduced The West
by Lesley Downer

The Unbearable Lightness Of Being
by Milan Kundera

The Historian
by Elizabeth Kostova

[ The Wishlist ]

My Amazon.com Wishlist:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/ref=yourlists_pop_1/103-2401787-9502236

Phillips MC235 Thin Stereo Microsystem

Kathy Van Zeeland bag
(saw on amazon.com going for bout US$65... Why dun Singapore stock her goods??! >.< I wan it in Topaz colour~!!!)

The Lord of the Rings
by J.R.R. Tolkien

Inu-Yasha Theme Song Collection

12 Kingdoms/ Juuni Kokuki anime VCD sets

GUESS bag (darn, i dun have the $120 required to buy it now and i noe it'll be gone soon, Guess always changing their apparels every month or so u_u)

DKNY gold and crystal-studded watch (very ornamental, more a dress watch then an every-funtion watch. still, pretty~)

Mphosis pale gold SLIPPERS (i run through my shoes and slippers like they cost nth X/)

The BodyShop BLUSHER in Golden Pink

The BodyShop blusher BRUSH

Shiseido eyelash CURLER

Full-length wall MIRROR(s) for my room

A new big every-purpose BAG

Pretty SHOES

A Digital CAMERA

A bloody new PC or laptop with the speed of light and a gazillion GB of memory!! =[

The Sims 2 (PC game edition)

[ The Memories ]

Friday, November 21, 2003

resolve

"you broke your own rule. if u make a rule, keep to it."
-v.s naipaul

the words jus seemed to jump out at me from sir vidia's shadow.
was reading it jus now.
(or forcing myself to read more like it)

yup.
had seriously contemplated going back to bt to work if i cant find any job after dec. dun wan to, but if no job no choice rite?
but... i really dun wan to let any fucking bastards touch anymore.
its not part of my job requirement ok??!
n gotta smile while inside i feel like ripping out their guts/ penis/ testicals.
the worst feeling in the world is not getting *******, but knowing that u did nothing to stop it when its within your power to, and losing your sense of self- worth.
that period had probably been some of the lowest times in my life.

u think i like being touched huh josh??!
fuck u.

anyway... reading that quote in sir vidia's shadow had reminded of wat wud lie in store for me if i do return back to bt to work. dun wan to feel so miserable again. not only feeling bad bout myself, but those ard me too. hating my dad for being a man, hating xiang for letting them touch her, hating all men in general. all irrational feelings i noe.... of cos my dad cant help being a man, xiang din let them touch, they jus did, n men being men are jus so fucking lousy. duh.
yeah... but really dun wanna feel all these negative feelings anymore... all the hatred n dissapointment in the ones u love... man, thats jus awful.

yup. so to keep my friendship n good relationship wif my family, i shall resolve not to work full-time or even part-time there again.
a rule i made last time but wavered in recently.
nevertheless, i found back my resolve again.
yeah... n this blog is to remind me if ever i shd forget, my resolve to stay away from that kinda filthy n degrading environment.

yeah...
bt's a great place to hang out as customers... but jus damn fucked-up to work there.

+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 11:59 PM

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