[ The Memories ]
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Golden frens
Been out wif hanxiang jus now :)
adugan! adugan!
lolx!
old frens are still the best =p
hmmm... them nus/ntu pple already having their year end hols le =/
n here we are still going for lessons as usual.
think we wud onli have a short 2 days Chirstmas break or wat onli...hmph.
but then again, they are the ones who had to deal wif their mid-year exams, so...
guess we each have our advantages.
hmmm... work commencing this fri.
yeah, after postponing time n again for so long -.-
not really looking forward actually... kinda dreading it.
the work hrs, the crowd, the management, our colleagues...
hope they dun set the standard too high...
i sure dun wan to go back to the old days of getting depressed before n after every work nite. shitified sia.
we're WAITRESSES n nth more this time ok?!!!
*grrrrrrrrr....*
hmmm... hx hasn't watch The Polar Express n The Incredibles yet. maybe can catch it next week on one of my off days :)
hopefullu i wun be too tired from work by then =/
//
New friends are silver.
Old friends gold.
So mind that you treasure each and every one of them as best as you can :)
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 11:05 PM
Sunday, November 28, 2004
Boogie-ing
Hmmm... guess i really do attract alot of attention when i dance.
Went Sparks chiong wif Xiang ytd - one final nite before our work at BTB starts next week. And...
I've really lost track of how many guys i'd rejected last nite -.-"
diao.
So is that kudos to my dancing or wat? lolx! ;p
Tho its not an uncommon happenstance already, but its really wierd. Their tastes.
Cos there're so many slimmer n prettier gals around me, Xiang included.
And all my fats bulging n jiggling about... *sorry for the graphic description*
They must all be fucking blind -.-
oh well.
damn. i love dancing.
boogie-ing rulez man~!! wahahah... ;)
But... man, muscles aching again =/
danced till 6 o'clock in the morn before returing home. by the time i fell aslp it was bout 9plus, n even then by poor acheing body (esp my legs) jus wun let me slp comfortably =<
tho my muscle aches not as bad as the previous time, but i can imagine the cramps i'm going to suffer walking down stairs for the next 2-3 days at least. ouch.
(those of u out there who have vigorous b.ball or soccer trainings before wud noe wat i'm toking about)
=(
But, hmm... re-discovered i really like having my head petted (or messed or sayang-ed). esp by guys =p
hee~ X)
Always tot tt thats one of the sweetest actions that a guy can do to a gal :) be it a platonic frenship or wat.
Think tts the part i enjoyed most about the guys last nite ^.^
*Thinking back fondly of some of my more pleasant head-pettings/ hair-messings in the past :)*
Meowww~
lolx! =p
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 5:24 PM
Saturday, November 20, 2004
Untrustworthiness
I think blogs are jus an absolute shitload of trouble.
esp blogger's.
they're so fucking easy easy to find on the fucking net.
like, are online diaries supposed to be private or wat? if tt was the case y are blogger n google practically sister websites? is blooger stupid or smth?
n so are pple who put stuff online that they think can be kept from the pple they most wanna keep things from. that is, so am i.
since this shitified blooger has been almost nth but one shitload of trouble after another for me. like, how stupid, how naive am i to think all these will be safe from pple i wan to shield myself from?
so who am i to get sancrimonious wif anyway?
i noe i shdn't be blaming her for writing in her own blog wat's her own opinions n feelings, that she prob din even expect it to cause any trouble. but thats not to say that i'm not angry.
who the fuck cares if she's hurt or dissapointed or sad or watever shit??!!
damn. if she were trustworthy enough we wud have TOLD her ourselves already!
n now i dunno how to clear the fucking mess tt she's unintentionally created.
tho it doesn't concern me directly i noe, but i've to fucking answer to it. how am i gonna explain to her?
n i can't help feeling angry for xl. tho she seems to be taking it better than me -.-
maybe tts cos i'm closer to her than she is, the burden i've to bear are consequently higher. or maybe she jus can't fucking scold that stupid gal since they're frens -.-
imagine putting ya blog addy on frenster bout the secrets of one fren that others are specifically not to noe. we told her. dammit. we told her!
despite all these yrs, i've never really brought myself to really like her.
n here's another reason why. i couldn't ever tell her about anything personal, n now i'm glad i didn't. she's a typical wen shi li de hua duo - a greenhouse flower who has bloomed under careful grooming in the conforts of her own small circle, who has never been exposed to the harshness of life n never has to fend for herself. her whole world has been ard herself n her comforts n convenience, whether she believes it or not. n i'm not being bias when i said that cos i'm angry.
tho she's not a 'bad' person n has prob nv intentionally cause hurt to anyone, but she has never met wif major setbacks in her home or social life. nth to give strength or empathy to her character. she hasn't learnt the value of trust yet, cos her problems have nv needed to warrant much from us - we already noe how to keep our mouths shut without needed to be told. n since our trust has been taken so for granted, it prob din seem to her tt she shd reciprocrate =/
she's nv attracted me much as a fren in the start cos she was a weak n uninteresting person. that could change over the years actually. however, there's onli so much superficiality one can take before one dismisses a frenship tt he noes will nv grow.
she jus hasn't earned my trust yet.
how could u become close wif a fren u dun trust?
she's not a 'bad' person, but she's jus not a trustworthy fren.
nv has been, not to me nor to xl. not wif our secrets (thank goodness, since i dun rem telling her anything big deal yet), nor by being there for us.
damn. i've warned xl time n time again to be careful.
all of us noe how zhong se qing you she is.
afraid tt she'll let david noe when she finds out, so we've specifically told her not to becos we cant take things for granted since its her -.-
but even i, hadn't expected this.
bravo. u go gal.
go on, find some more ways to surprise us!
/
n now i'm worried tt she will find my blog, or fuck forbid, already has...
cos there's so much i can't let her noe.
shit. damn shit.
contemplated whether to delete my whole blog or privatise it...
but there's so much memories in here... the good ones, the bad ones, the treasured n the valued.
guess i gotta search n edit now...
her blog din mention me, so far. but blogs can be so easily searched on the net.
again, _l_ blogger!
fuck.
absolutely. can't. let. her. noe.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 1:22 AM
Monday, November 08, 2004
Fellow manga enthusiasts
Haha, was surfing the web for Death Note doujinshis the other day when i came across the blog of a fellow manga enthusiast. Nth special u say? but the thing is... this gal has almost all the same tastes n interests in manga as me! Its scary, almost like reading my own personal enthusiam in another person's blog (since i dun blog much bout manga *ahem* in lieu of my non-manga blog readers... n anyway, there's too much to get excited about i can't keep track of it all the time =p ).
n her blog has so many useful links too, lolx!
So Serene, if u're reading this-
a toast to you, Raito n "L"~!!!
;)
P.S Am still catching up on jojohot.com's Death Note's releases... stupid ah pek compt really can't make it le, so freaking slow. damn.
P.P.S I got a tagboard! I got a tagboard! Me! Compt idiot me! 'nuff said. Do leave ya msgs here k?? ok? ok? plssssssssss~!!! *jumps ard* lolx! Xp
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 5:21 PM
Sunday, November 07, 2004
"Armageddon is no respecter of sex distinction."
-The Well of Loneliness by Radclyffe Hall
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 2:19 PM
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
While England Sleeps...
Jus finished reading While England Sleeps by David Leavitt (one of the more renowned names in gay fiction) at 4am last nite (or this morn). A moving love story thats erotically charged. Its written in the background of the time jus before World War I, but the heartaches, prejudice n problems that homosexuals face are timeless.
I've been told to recommend a few gay-themed books for reading, so...
If u're looking for gay fictions, books by David Leavitt and Alan Hollinghurst (recent Booker Prize Award winner) are recommended readings - esp the latter's The Swimming Pool Library and The Folding Star.
n if u're looking for non-fiction/ gay autobiography, Edmund White's a must read.
One of the most recognized modern gay authors, his series of autobiography - A Boy's Own Story, The Beautiful Room Is Empty and The Farewell Symphony - are stepping stones in the emergence, acceptance and acclaimation of gay writings. The trilogy of autobiographical novels brilliantly evoke a young man's coming of age, and documents the American gay life through the last forty years.
For readings which hold more mass appeal for the general readers, there're books by Karin Kallmaker (well-knowned lesbian novelist- her novels, Painted Moon, Embrace In Motion, All The Wrong Places, have made it to the top of the bestseller lists several times ), Katherine V. Forrest (Curious Wine), Radclyffe Hall (her notorious literary wonder - The Well Of Loneliness - which was banned in Britain when it was first published due to its lesbian theme, n later allowed in the United States after a long court battle) and Andrew Madden (recent autobiography, Altar Boy, which relates his sexual abuse by his priest as a child).
As u can see, these books are already recommended readings if only by reputation alone. But of cos... u probably wun be able to find most of these books in ya ordinary libraries, tho i'm sure big bookshops like Kino or Borders do carry them.
***An extra Note:
I do not claim any expertise in readings of this genre; all are books which I found interesting n am recommending out of my own capacity. If u dun like the books after reading them or found tt they're a waste of ya time, pls dun blame me =x
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 1:43 PM
