[ Me ]
Nickname: Ursula
Birthday: 7th January 1985
Zodiac: Capricorn
Where From: Singapore
Laidback, sensitive, fickle, easily-tickled, fiercely loyal
Manga and anime lover, enthusist, collector and critic/ Coffee lover, addict and expert maker/ Aspiring future wife of famous culinary chef/ Aspiring future wife of a 1.8m tall hunk
My Friendster link:
http://www.friendster.com/vivis
[ Likes ]
Sleeping, dancing, books, manga, anime, chocolates, coffee, Jap food, Italian food, Ayumi Hamasaki, people, my sister
[ Fave Books ]
Harry Potter series, Artemis Fowl series, The Inheritence Trilogy series, The Da Vinci Code, Memoir of a Geisha, I Don't Know How She Does It... and all my comics n manga!!!
[ Currently Reading ]
Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell
by Susanna Clarke
Inkheart
by Cornelia Funke
The Well Of Loneliness
by Radclyffe Hall
Midnight's Children
by Salman Rushdie
Madame Sadayakko: The Geisha Who Seduced The West
by Lesley Downer
The Unbearable Lightness Of Being
by Milan Kundera
The Historian
by Elizabeth Kostova
[ The Wishlist ]
My Amazon.com Wishlist:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/ref=yourlists_pop_1/103-2401787-9502236
Phillips MC235 Thin Stereo Microsystem
Kathy Van Zeeland bag
(saw on amazon.com going for bout US$65... Why dun Singapore stock her goods??! >.< I wan it in Topaz colour~!!!)
The Lord of the Rings
by J.R.R. Tolkien
Inu-Yasha Theme Song Collection
12 Kingdoms/ Juuni Kokuki anime VCD sets
GUESS bag (darn, i dun have the $120 required to buy it now and i noe it'll be gone soon, Guess always changing their apparels every month or so u_u)
DKNY gold and crystal-studded watch (very ornamental, more a dress watch then an every-funtion watch. still, pretty~)
Mphosis pale gold SLIPPERS (i run through my shoes and slippers like they cost nth X/)
The BodyShop BLUSHER in Golden Pink
The BodyShop blusher BRUSH
Shiseido eyelash CURLER
Full-length wall MIRROR(s) for my room
A new big every-purpose BAG
Pretty SHOES
A Digital CAMERA
A bloody new PC or laptop with the speed of light and a gazillion GB of memory!! =[
The Sims 2 (PC game edition)
[ The Memories ]
Thursday, January 27, 2005
fa xie
Been so busy these two weeks. (Or actually, since my birthday.)
Even without work now, i'm still having a hard time juggling my school, friends, old friends, preparing n celebrating for hx's n xiang's n her mum's upcoming birthdays, the few guys, the rush n stress of shopping for my CNY's clothes, n my (nearly non-existent) studies.
Besetted by money woes...
there's still the various fees i've to pay for my sch registration fees, workshops, n stuff. not to mention the impending sch fees for the new sch 'year' of 4K plus in july or august... n my sis' sch fees, whether she wans to go to poly (which she's warming to the idea but dreads becos of the sch fees n the fact tt she has no clothes to change/wear to sch everyday -.-) or JC (which she dreads cos it'll either mean she might not be able to make it to a local Uni or our family will not have the money to put her thru Uni after JC)...
The poor thing... really dun wan her to worry so much over our family's financial status actually since she's so young. no sense putting a weary head on her shoulders since she can't help wif the problem except worrying only.
but listening to her talk bout this Poly/JC prob of hers is making me pretty depressed too. makes me re-consider my own Uni/money status again (tho its never far from my mind) n yeah... i dun wan to regret not studying when i get back a *touch wood* bad grade (a waste of money by itself since i'm paying by each module i take) n then have to worry bout the extra money to retake the module next yr or wat.
Though i dun mind going out to work for a year to save some money (if things actually come to this) for my n my sis' sch fees, but realistically, the amt i can earn n save in one year doing wat admin job or watever i can take up wont even amount to a single year's sch fees for myself n my sis =/
wth.
Really feel like hitting, scolding or cursing at my father whenever i think of the predicament we're in. Screw him. fark fark fark.
It's getting more difficult for me to be civil with him.
taking me every bit f my self-control every time i see him to not show my disgust n anger explicitly.
i dunno if my mum or sis could tell, but it feels so false.
Rationally smoothing my brow n maintaining a straight face when he comes into a 5-meter radius. while all the time on the inside i feel so wretchedly towards him. disdain. repulsion. hate.
Ironically, i'm the only one in the family now to still get along ok with him n try to talk to him cordially most of the time now. Sometimes i wonder does he noe how i felt towards him, esp since we were so close last time.
He's my father. I dunno should i hate him, or support him.
I feel such extreme hate sometimes tt the conception of 'love' doesn't even come into the picture. but other times, when i see or imagine how lonely he is...
Even i know rationally that i must have some shred of kinship feelings left for him, but the most tangible n obvious feeling i feel for him most of the time now aside from anger or disdain, is pity.
n how do u further lose respect for ya own father than feeling pity for him?!!
I hate it! I just hate it!
n yet, i cant let him noe cos i worry tt i may hurt his pride.
this is a damn fucked-up world.
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!
WATEVER.
On a lighter note, one small small small part of my money prob can be taken care of somewhat.
Have kai (or spent) more than 1.5K of B's money in total just on clothes, perfume, cosmetics n accesories alone the last time i counted... amassed over these couple of months.
still haven worn some so may wear them for new year.
hai...
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 1:12 AM
