[ The Memories ]
Friday, December 30, 2005
Pleas of a Desperado
As i get older, it seems as if the Christmas season lasts shorter.
This may be due to my perpetual lack of time, and hence the lesser time spent loitering at Orchard Road absorbing the Chrismassy mood every year come this time (i.e. unlike during the carefree sec sch days).
Most Christmases these past few years have been more of a wham-bang-in-ya-face and then before u noe it, its over n u're hardly aware that another x'mas has passed, marking the end of another year...
bringing the onset of the New Year at its close...
and the onset of my birthday exactly one week after the New Year's countdown...
Gawd, am i getting old or wad??!
I've gotta start lying bout my age soon.
If i ever do foray into the media limelight, frens of mine, do keep quiet bout my age will u??
Lolx!!
Arh. Joke aside, i've discovered a disturbing trend for my upcoming bday...
somehow or other, some frens seems predisposed to think that i've already made plans for my whole bdae week and my itinery is packed beyond any speckle of time available for them (or for those of u reading this - you).
This is not the case at all!! I'm not as popular as i'll like to think. Hurrumph!
Though there're many promises to meet up no doubt, i've not even had one plan made on a speciific date yet. Everthing seems so 'take it as it comes'.
So pls pls pls, jus give me a call n fix a date with me wun u??
Its my 21st bdae n i'll hate to spend my bdae week suspended in so much ambiguity.
I promise i'll make time out for everybody.
Until my cash runs out from all that compulsory bdae gluttony that is, lolx! =p
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 11:42 PM
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Childhood. Lost and found.
One of the biggest surprises this Christmas was to receive a christmas card from a long-lost fren.
Imagine my surprise when i read the name signing off at the bottom of the card n jump up when i realise its from my kindergarten fren, whom i've kept in constant contact with until Primary 6, and only lost touch when she moved house in sec sch??
Apparently she's found my address in an old Word document n decided to try her luck sending the card n see if she'll get a reply. Well, i'm glad she took that chance.
She's going overseas for further education soon.
Time has sure flown man.
We met each other in kindergarten, saw her last in our upper primaries, n now that we found each other again, we're both pursueing our uni degrees already!
Its been wat, nearly 10 years?
Making plans to meet up soon, before she flies off to Canberra, Australia.
Haha... its been so many years... i wonder if we'll be able to recognize each other when we do meet up =p
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 1:13 AM
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Christmas celeb
Long nite and day.
Christmas. Party. Old Bermuda Triangle gang. Mhmd Sultan. Newsroom Bar & Disco. Booze. Countdown. Booze. Dance. Party. Booze. Dance. Party. Supper. Newton. Home. Zonk out.
That about sum up last nite's events.
This morn's a diff story.
Relatives from Malaysia are here again, to celeb Christms.
This time round its my aunt n female cousin.
Jus came back from bringing my cousin around orchard shopping. After only a few hours slp this morn. Totally beat.
Anyway, Merry Christmas all!!!
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 7:55 PM
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Women, on reflection
Just looking back, i discovered (quite some time ago, actually) that there's a de-mystifying quality about a gal when she has a bf. She no longer seems so exotic, so independently alluring. She no longer fascinates.
Of cos, it may apply only to the pretty or the above-average looker.(And then again, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.)
When we know a good-looking gal who has remained single by choice, we think: there must be something very unique about their individual to not follow the norms.
Its so mysterious. A paradox. And we're enthralled.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 2:34 AM
Friday, December 16, 2005
Morbid acclaimation
Phew... tiring week.
Jus came back from meeting Ian today (he's gotten hunkier! :) ).
Aside from the usual lectures, the unusually enormous stack of homework, i had plans nearly everyday n reached home late every nite not to sleep, but to do my assignments into the wee hours of the morning, prepare for the next day, or go online for some overseas meetings.
Freak, i knew i shouldn't have given them hopes about being their Translator/Editor.
Its sai gang i tell u (literally meaning shit-work), its not like i'll be getting any money for it n imagine the time n effort it'll take! And my england n china isn't wat it used to be. Trust Americans to be so deprived of billingual translators... -.-"
I still laugh when i remember how each of them responded when they first found out i'm a Singaporean...
*someone: u're a Singaporean??!
me: yeah :)
someone: OH. MY. GOD. Your english is amazing!!!!!
me: erm....
me: is it?
someone: yeah!!!
someone: its fantastic!
someone: ya english is superb!! its perfect!
me: erm....
me: its ok i guess. lolx! =p
someone: no, seriously! how did ya english get to be so good??!
someone: wats the main medium of conversation in Singapore?
me: erm.... english?
........... -.-"
ROTFLOLx!!! XP
Multiply that part of the conversation (or similar ones along the same lines) a dozen times and u get the picture of how most of my online conversations on irc scanlation channels eventually turn out... its a joke i tell u.
I almost died laughing the first few times it happened, until i realized they were serious.
They had pretty limited knowledge bout Singapore's culture or way of life - aside from all our best airports, air-flights, air stewardesses, our being a clean, strict, law-abiding country, our being part of South East Asia, in the equatorial region, our being a British colony in the past - that i wun be surprise if they had actually surppressed saying that they had tot "Singapore was part of China/Taiwan" only out of politeness.
(Actually, i was pretty impressed wif wat they come up wif already... equatorial region? British colony? Did they read it off a travel brochure or smth? Where did they learn that? Even i had forgotten that bit of history myself already, lolx! oops =p)
Then i wud go on to explain how Singapore is multi-racial, how most of us use english as the most common medium of conversation becos of the many races, how we attend english-educated schs, how almost everyone here is at least billingual (even if some are not effectively so), if not multi-lingual, and they'll be so impressed, et cetera et cetera.
And the trouble starts pouring in when they noe i'm effectively billingual in ENGLISH and CHINESE...
Suddenly i'm grabbed (invited) to every channel the news spread to, invited to all the channels for big shots that normal free-leechers like me aren't even aware of, and all the big shots from every scanlation group and channels started toking to me and started, for lack of a better word, courting me to join their group, either as Translator or Editor, permanent or free-lancer.
It got to the point where i'm afraid to go online even for a short time to leach my stuff becos i'll be bombarded from all sides. Alternating between nicks dun help cos most of them noe my other alter egoes. or IP address.
It has its perks no doubt - i get priority in queues, power (or voice) in many channels (not that i'll noe wat to do with it since i'm mainly in there for the leeching n to catch up wif some peeps), n i get to tok with some very interesting pple.
Oh well, this happened a few months back already.
but now that my nick is changed n i tot i'm safe as an anonymous leecher again (no such perks anymore unfortunately, n once i was even kicked from some channel who didn't recognise me, the nerve!), the same thing is starting to happen all over again...
I'm jus too lazy man.
I may not mind free-lancing for a couple of works that i like (since translators are so sought after, we get to choose to translate watever works, pieces or titles we like) if i find the right group (whose themes i like) to work for, but def not make any commitments man.
The tot itself is scary enough.
I read some very good translations sometimes and am always impressed by these tranlators' passion n dedication in their work - they're not paid for it man, n they churn out chapters after chapters week after week! I wun have the same dedication or perserverance.
So far i haven found a group that i wud like to join or even work for.
Hmmm... i'll look around and see if they're any nice groups/peeps or good raws (i.e. untranslated works in Jap or Chinese) as n when the mood strikes me. But def more discreetly than the last time.
=/
A note to Singaporean manga enthusists who're half decent in languages or any other effectively billingual irc leechers, who do NOT like to be poached for sai-gang like these: Beware! If u dun wan trouble, keep a low profile...
Not that i can actually dun say where i'm from when i'm asked though...
//
Also, side tracking...
Happy 21st Birthday Vivian~!!! =D
Hee, its always nice to have ya efforts (the reason for being busy half of this week) appreciated when u give gifts.
Jus glad u're happy gal =)
Ah muaaarrrccckkkzzzz!!!
;)
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 12:28 AM
Monday, December 12, 2005
Deadline. Literally.
Because of friday's drama n its aftermaths, my whole weekend was shot and i have so much fucking homework to do!
And a result of jus one over-nighter has totally thrown my sleep pattern into disarray once again.
I now sleep long after dawn breaks n wake up....
Ok, i sleep an average of 6-7 hours, u do the maths.
This. Is. Not. Good.
I have too much things to do.
3 days' itinery squeezed into half a day.
Two essays to study for and write, to be handed in tml morn (i hate Sunny Goh!).
Some personal stuff to do.
A date to make.
A sick sister to look after, and maybe even bring to the doctors.
How is there enough time in the remaining less than 15 hours (including of my slp time) countdown to my Tuesday morning lecture to do all of the above??
More accomplished time managers may be able to do it (teach me!), but def not me.
n i'm here online wasting precious few minutes griping.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 4:20 PM
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Friday drama aftermaths
Have u ever reached a new low and the person who comes through for u comes as a surprise?
I'm grateful to all those pple who showed concern. Thanks. I'm all right now.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 4:11 PM
Thursday, December 08, 2005
We are who we hang out with
Maybe becos i've been so busy introspecting (if u can believe in such a word) and haven been people-watching or taking too much notice of my surroundings in recent years, but i recently come to notice how much pple validate their existence by broadcasting the pple they know, especially in the latest emergence (ok, i'm a dinosour) of frenship-networking concept websites such as Friendster, Friendshipnetwork, Multiply and wat not.
What does it say of their individuality, not to mention self esteem, when they have to prove who they are by the pple they know.
Scenario:
oooh... this person has such hot frens! he/she must be really hot himself to to have such pple gravitate towards him! let me make frens with him so i can let pple think i'm hot too!
Scenario:
oooh... this person has attitude man. i really admire that. let me jus add him to my friends list so pple noe i'm not the sort to be fucked with.
Scenario:
wow...this gal is gorgeous. let me try my luck adding her. let my male frens ponder how we noe each other/ how close we are/ how we're related.
Scenario:
wow... this gal is our national basketball player. jus look at all her pics in her glory! i noe her. let me add her so pple will noe i noe her.
Scenario:
wow... i jus found fiona xie/ jamie yeo/ vernetta lopez/ mark richmond/ tay pinghui/ taufik/ sylvestor's profile! let me add her. she has so many 'frens' anyway that she wun mind the difference, but i can tell pple i noe her. woohoo! celebrity power!
Scenario:
woohoo! i've jus taken photos with stefanie sun/ tanya chua/ taufik/ kelly poon/ lee ang/ ziyi zhang/ keenu reeves/ meryl streep! let me put it up for the whole world to see that i've met/ worked for/ worked with/ befrended them! aw shucks. y not jus throw in the group photo of the whole cast n crew too! let them guess/ know how important am i!
(Of cos, many other scenarios and reasons for frenship networking comes to mind still, but they are no less cynical, so i wun expound on it already.)
Ok, they're quite an exaggeration of the normal expressions, but u get the picture.
Unfortunately, we'll never really noe wat are their agendas n blindly get impressed either by these attention-drawing 'frens' or the sheer number of the 'frens' they noe - i.e. Scenario: wow! this person has 476 frens! she must be a really popular n great person!.
And then, the above situation (of having 476 'frens') will then also merit the person of being known as a popular, well-liked n well-connected social butterfly.
And u add the person, and ya 'frens' increase n increase, and the cycle continues.
At least, thats the concept that Friendster, Multiply, etc are banking on to continue the success of their websites.
Ego-masturbation and competition (i.e. i have more frens than u, haha!) aside though, its all a very nice way to keep count of ya frens, network n keep in touch if u wan to go back to the basics.
Of cos, there's a lot to be said for having the photos u put up express ya individuality too. Its a nice visual outlet to let ya frens know how u're getting along, how nice/beat-up u look recently, wat interesting functions u've been to, wat funky pple u noe, the galfren/boyfren/lover u're currently attached to, the good frens u're proud to have, etc etc.
(ok, if i go on further, i'm jus bringing back my arguement bout the whole validating-ya-existence-with-the-pple-u-noe syndrome, so i'll stop here with all the more sanguine reasons.)
I myself have a Friendster account anyway so i may have unknowingly exhibited some of the traits illustrated above (as i'm sure i have, being the imperfect human we all are) and am trully in no position to judge others.
In fact, if i really do know some pretty colourful pple, let it not be said that i find these pple lacklustre n insult the believability of their magnificence (not trying to be sarcastic here, as in, really).
Ultimately, its an underlying consensus - whether fairly or unfairly - that we are who we hang out with. Pple look at us n judge everything from our background, family history, character, attitude, and even affluence n social standings from the pple we are seen with.
Which is a whole load of bullshit actually when u think of it, cos since when do we actually hang out with jus one group of pple (or maybe i'm jus speaking bout myself if u arent like that), when are the 'correct' type of pple deemed 'correct', or when are pple ever who they seem anyway? Who determines the frens u shd have anyway?
Looks like i'm fighting both sides of my own arguement, lolx!
The next time u log in to Friendster and Multiply and Friendshipnetwork, keep an open mind and u may start seeing things in a whole different perspective.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 11:45 PM
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Brokeback Mountain
I wanna watch Brokeback Mountain!!!
It sounds so touching... the trailer is so promising.
And like all the movies i've wanted to watch this year, it follows the trend of being a movie adoption of a novel - the other movies are HP & The Goblet of Fire, Memoirs of a Geisha, The Da Vinci Code (due out next year), n now... BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN!!
Check out the movie trailer at their website below:
http://www.brokebackmountainmovie.com/splash.html
Did i say the director is LEE ANG?
I didn't? Well, the director is Lee Ang.
(Or rather Ang Lee, now that he's in Hollywood-the-land-where-they-put-ya-surnames-
at-the-back-of-ya-first-name-a.k.a.-Ziyi-Zhang).
He's a genius i tell u, he's wonderful!
Aside from being the pride of Chinese (having made it big in Hollywood n getting all those Americans to empty their pockets to watch Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. HAHA), he has also brought me BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN!!
Have i already said how wonderful he is?
*scrolls up to check*
oh...i did already.
OK, he's fantastic i tell u!
He's really a genius.
How many un-homosexual (i noe i shd use the term heterosexual, but this term fits more appropriately in this context, trust me) directors are willing to gamble their reputation n rice bowl in the movie industry by taking on the challenge of making a mainstream movie out of a novel/script that centers around homosexual love?
n we noe he's not gay cos of his previous two muses, Gong Li and Ziyi Zhang, rite?
Anyway, the gist of the story is how two cowboys started a frenship which turned into something more. True love. But as with all true loves, there're many obstacles to overcome. Especially with theirs.
I hope America or any other narrow-minded pple wun trash this movie. Its literature, pure art i tell u! Its such a beautiful n heart-wrenching love story. If i haven already so many novels to read (my desk is creaking with their combined weight. ok, i'm joking. thats my homework), i'll run out now to buy the novel!!
I read in a review how difficult it was to cast this movie, and how agents and managers kept insisting that it would be "professional suicide" to take on leading roles such as these.
Good for Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger for having the guts and conviction to take this on!
And another evidence of genius on the scriptwriters part, aside from the novel being written by Pulitzer-prize award-winning Annie Proulx and the screenplay being penned by also another Pulitzer-award-winning Larry McMurtry; they had to take wat was originally an 11-page short story and expand it to a feature length film!!
Genius i tell u! Pure genius!!
Pls watch the movie man, pls pls pls!!!
Or if u can't, download it from the internet. Or get pirated DVDs. Lolx!
Just watch it! Its too good to miss.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 1:22 AM
Monday, December 05, 2005
Sick. sick. sick. sick.
My whole family is sick.
First down was my mum which i mentioned in my last entry. Then my dad n me simultaneously on saturday, then my sis in the same day's evening.
My dad n i, i suspect had gotten food poisoning from the chilli crab we had the night before (we had ordered that when we celebrated his birthday belatedly at home on friday nite, n since only the two of us who ate it got ill, that stupid crab must be the cause!), n my sis her usual illness (some sort of breathlessness, which no competent doctor have yet been able to correctly diagnose the problem).
After mum got a call from my sis' camp's teacher-in-charge (she was at her sch's social dance camp - her sch life is jus jam-packed with all her different CCAs, which stretched even to her sch hols now), she got a lift from a relative n rushed sis down to Alexandre Hospital's A&E unit.
As i was too sick (could barely walk a few steps, n even then its to the toilet to puke or shit *sorry*), i stayed at home to wait for news.
Thankfully, when the call came in a couple hours later that she's all rite, n they're coming home soon, i fell into a restless sleep.
Mum had got some med for me while they're at the hospital. Even some painkillers for my fever n bodyache - i only discovered my fever when it had already rose to 38.6 degree celcius after my mum came back; no wonder the air had felt so cold against my bare skin.
Poor mum who has jus recovered only to burn both ends taking care of us two (dad was feeling better after some med n was able to go to work. Y??! i onli had two pincers for god's sake! He had like the whole 2 crabs i suspect, n i'm the one bed-ridden! Not that i mean for him to be vomiting every hour too.)
Sis slept like a log once she reached home (onli waking up once to vomit, from wat i hear from my mum who's up almost the whole time looking after us in turns).
I drifted in and out of sleep that are occupied with fitful dreams that i cannot remember.
Thankfully, my fever broke when i woke up ytd noon.
But i wasn't feeling well yet, even tho my sis had already woken up n was able to watch cartoons and msn her frens online n plan for her Red Cross Camp today (dunno how to learn from her lesson issit?!).
Still couldn't stomach a thing (stomach still hurts even tho the world had stopped spinning n garggling the innerds of my body) n went back to sleep after being awake every couple of hours.
Finally woke up this morning feeling as close to being back to health as was possible when i discovered my appetite has came back!
Thats when i discovered i've probably gone for more than 40 hours without food since my lunch on saturday (not counting the tiny morsels of bread n porridge i've puke out minutes after swallowing them, altho if u wan to be picky...).
Its wonderful to have ya appetite back i tell u! Wonderful!!
U never noe how great it is to be able to feel hungry n want for food until u are sick n the tot of food repulse u so much that u'll rather puke another bucketful than swallow a mouthful of porridge.
Yup, my appetite is back n i'm ravenous.
Unfortunately still, my appetite only stretches to the mild n watery substances now.
But thankfully, i'm able to keep them all down this time.
*grins ruefully*
Xl has an idea to sue the chilli crab sellers for alot of money for putting our family in such state. n quite frankly, i agree with her too
Except that my family do eat there occasionally, n sueing them means we wun be able to show our faces there afterwards (tho we'll prob get loads of money, can eat at all the nice restaurants n wun have to eat at hawker centres zhi char anymore).
Arh! Not gonna order the chilli crab there again when we go down there for dinner in future (if we even do that).
//
Starting on a new book soon...
The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova.
Its touted to be even bigger than Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code.
And like Dan Brown's critics, views on this book are extremely polared.
The good are very good, the bad have practically cruxified this book beyond redemption.
For example, one of the reviews : ".... this book moved with all the speed of paint drying on a wet, humid day." had me cracking a lopsided grin through my hazy sedated state. Ok, its not very original, but its a pretty vivid picture. *another grin*
(Maybe becos the book is like 600-over pages long. But the bibliophile in me is already drooling. =P)
But the idea of reading a DaVinci-style chase across Europe set against a background of Dracula lore sounds pretty entertaining.
It also doesn't hurt that Kostova has won the Debut Author of the Year award in this year's Quill Book Awards.
Not bad for a debut novel eh?
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 3:26 PM
Friday, December 02, 2005
Rumbling. Depressing.
It has been such a busy week that i only have time to sit down in front of my com now.
To make a long, exhaustive, but otherwise pretty mundane story short, we had guests staying over our house for the past one week or so.
A relative and his fren from Malaysia came over for some family staff (visitations among others) n put over at our place.
And becos they're guests n they're such night owls n we cant leave them alone to rot n i'm the only one in my family without work or school from dawn to dusk (apparently my uni life doesn't count), i'm left with the task of entertaining them and showing them around, taking them out for breakfast, lunch, dinner n supper, shopping and sightseeing and relatives visitations, n on top of all that, chit-chats till 4plus, 5am EVERY NITE. Sorry, i mean morn.
DO THEY EVER SLEEP??!
My dad working nite shifts wud take them for breakfast every morn after he return home from work, and where after three such mornings of having slept hardly a wink before forcing myself to wake up to go for breakfast with them, i was mercifully excluded.
I wud take over after that, or sometimes other relatives wud arrive n mercifully take them off my hands for a few hours during the afternoon (where i'll catch up with my 40 winks), n then they're back n its dinner n shopping, sightseeing or more relatives visitations, n then supper at coffeeshops, back to house n sitting around the living room dining table n talk until most of us surrender n go to bed. Usually it'll be my sis first (2+a.m), followed by my mum an hour later (3+a.m), n then me a couple hours later (4 or 5+ a.m).
n they're still awake at that time!!!
Freaks i tell u, they're freaks!
Needless to say, i've been missing most sch lessons this week when i'm so tired i totally fail to hear my two alarms clocks going off n onli woke in time the past two days to make it to my afternoon lectures.
Thankfully, they've gone back to Malaysia this morn.
(which explains y i'm here online finally).
But now my poor mum is sick.
=(
Not enough sleep the past 5 or 6 days i suspect, plus some stomach virus or food poisoning.
So heart-wrenching to see her sick like this, vomitting and such.
Come to think of it, i've never seen her vomit so much before =<
Jus accompanied her to see doc jus now n she pretty much vomitted her med out too.
But thankfully she has stabilized more now (at least she's got the strength to start nagging me again -.-) n gone to sleep.
She still wans to go to work tml (cos hers is unpaid leave), the stupid woman.
Bad as our family finances are and having already gone thru wat she's going thru now myself when i was working during the hols a couple mths back (totally wrecked n faint with flu but still went to work), i understand how she feels.
Cos she's still a temp employee at this new company she joined recently, her position is unstable n she's still on 'probation' (technically she's out of her one week probation, but u noe these companies...). Takin unpaid leave wud not onli jus means a day's wages less as in my case, but will also endanger her job shd the comapny thinks tt she's so prone to sickness it'll affect her work n decide to terminate her.
I understand her telling us that it'll be all right once she's in the office, as with my case where both are big companies, we're not scrutinized by our colleagues n bosses day in day out, which leaves us some space to zone out, have coffee, or go to the loo to rest when we're tired or too sick, jus as long as we finish our work.
In the end i told her to see her situation tml morning first.
It really hurts me to see her having to suffer so much at her age.
Our family needs money, my studies need money, our family expenses needs money, our bills need money, n to get money we have to find work, n well-paying jobs sure ain't easy to find.
It makes me so pissed off that we're so helpless against this whole vicious cycle of poverty.
Aw fuck, i even hate the sound of that word.
I need to look for a part-time job soon.
After my last job at Rodyk, its going to be hard not to be choosy. But its not onli that. Cos my sch workload's gonna be so heavy, every hour i can spare otherwise working is going to need to earn me more than the nornal work rates, or i'll jus be wasting my time working for peanuts (n not the $600K per annum peanuts the pea-brained Mrs. Goh Chok Tong shot her mouth off about), AND still fail some or most of my modules cos i dun have time to study.
*touch wood*
Dunno if i shd give tuition, but am not confident of teaching. n unless i have at least 2-3 students which wud take up too much of my time already, i wun be able to earn a decent amount to help out the family.
Looking for office jobs, but noe it'll be quite hard to find one that pays as well as Rodyk n also give me so much leeway when they noe i'm a student n can't work all the time (i pretty much go to work as n when i'm free n felt like it then, tho since i'm looking to earn money, it still means i sch n work nearly everyday of the week then).
Still, i gotta start looking...
Fucking UOL's exam fees are coming soon... >=(
Thousand plus or two thousand bucks cos of all the subjects i'm taking... 6 in total...*heart wrings*
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOP!!!! >=[
Look how my entry has started n rumbled on and on to become?!
This is such a miserable n depressing entry.
I'm practically writing my whole train of thoughts -.-
Life sucks so much sometimes when u think of it.
I'm tired, need to sleep soon.
Gotta wake early to check on my mum.
Will life get any better from here?
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 12:21 AM
