[ Me ]
Nickname: Ursula
Birthday: 7th January 1985
Zodiac: Capricorn
Where From: Singapore
Laidback, sensitive, fickle, easily-tickled, fiercely loyal
Manga and anime lover, enthusist, collector and critic/ Coffee lover, addict and expert maker/ Aspiring future wife of famous culinary chef/ Aspiring future wife of a 1.8m tall hunk
My Friendster link:
http://www.friendster.com/vivis
[ Likes ]
Sleeping, dancing, books, manga, anime, chocolates, coffee, Jap food, Italian food, Ayumi Hamasaki, people, my sister
[ Fave Books ]
Harry Potter series, Artemis Fowl series, The Inheritence Trilogy series, The Da Vinci Code, Memoir of a Geisha, I Don't Know How She Does It... and all my comics n manga!!!
[ Currently Reading ]
Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell
by Susanna Clarke
Inkheart
by Cornelia Funke
The Well Of Loneliness
by Radclyffe Hall
Midnight's Children
by Salman Rushdie
Madame Sadayakko: The Geisha Who Seduced The West
by Lesley Downer
The Unbearable Lightness Of Being
by Milan Kundera
The Historian
by Elizabeth Kostova
[ The Wishlist ]
My Amazon.com Wishlist:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/ref=yourlists_pop_1/103-2401787-9502236
Phillips MC235 Thin Stereo Microsystem
Kathy Van Zeeland bag
(saw on amazon.com going for bout US$65... Why dun Singapore stock her goods??! >.< I wan it in Topaz colour~!!!)
The Lord of the Rings
by J.R.R. Tolkien
Inu-Yasha Theme Song Collection
12 Kingdoms/ Juuni Kokuki anime VCD sets
GUESS bag (darn, i dun have the $120 required to buy it now and i noe it'll be gone soon, Guess always changing their apparels every month or so u_u)
DKNY gold and crystal-studded watch (very ornamental, more a dress watch then an every-funtion watch. still, pretty~)
Mphosis pale gold SLIPPERS (i run through my shoes and slippers like they cost nth X/)
The BodyShop BLUSHER in Golden Pink
The BodyShop blusher BRUSH
Shiseido eyelash CURLER
Full-length wall MIRROR(s) for my room
A new big every-purpose BAG
Pretty SHOES
A Digital CAMERA
A bloody new PC or laptop with the speed of light and a gazillion GB of memory!! =[
The Sims 2 (PC game edition)
[ The Memories ]
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Tree, Leaf, Wind
I have jus read a blog by chance (fren of a fren's) and have come across a very touching story he had posted on his blog in three parts - Tree, Leaf, Wind - to build suspense. Some of u may have already read this story in ya forwarded emails before, but as i havent, its quite a novelty for me.
To be touched this way.
The funny thing was, it was his blog template (like most of ours), presenting our entries in a chronogical order from the most current to the later dated, that has determined this turn for my reading into a slightly more different insight into the crux of the story's moral. As such, i'd read his last installment of the story first, followed by the second, and then the first installment last. At the end (or beginning) of it, i couldn't help feeling somewat... awestruck.
He did not meant for it to be presented in such a way i'm sure, as he'd merely reproduced it from a forwarded mail, albeit cleverly in three tentalizing installments. But the overall result was that it had the effect of totally changing the moral of the story. And depending on which installment u read first, it'll either leave the overall feeling of triumph n inspiration, or regret (as in my case, having read the first installment last).
To more exactly convey my feelings so that u may understand how i was feeling at each point when i was reading them from start to finish, i shall duplicate the order of those installments here in the exact order that i first read them in...
Re-read it the other way round after that to catch the original gist and moral behind the story if u will, but i cant help thinkin that this particular order that i chanced upon to read was somehow more... thought-provoking.
Enjoy.
//
Wind
Because I like a gal called leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree so I have to be a gust of wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 mth after I transfered to the new school. I saw a petite person looking at us playing soccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends looking at him. When he talks with gals there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit.
Just like she likes to look at him.
One day, she didn't appear. I felt something amissed. I can't explain the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. He wasn't around as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw him scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him.
I walked over and smiled to her.
Took out a note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled & accepted the note. The next day, she appeared & pass me a note and left. "Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away." "It's not that leaf heart is too heavy. It because leaf never want to leave tree." I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls.
I knew that she doesn't love me. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me. Within 4 mths, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never gave up. If I decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over.
I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her.
Although I know she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope. Hoping that one day she will agree to me my girlfriend. During one phone conversation I asked her again once more. I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone. I asked "what are you doing? How come you didn't want to reply?"
She said, "I'm nodding my head."
"Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears.
"I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly.
I hanged up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rush to her place & pressed her door bell. I hugged her tightly the moment she opened the door. But sometimes i couldn't help but wonder:
Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay?
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Leaf
During JC days, I like to collect leaves. Why? Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree she has been relying on for so long it takes a lot of courage. During the 2 years of JC I was on very close terms with a guy. Not BGR kind but as buddy kind. But when he had his 1st girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt.
Jealousy.
The sourness in the heart can't be describe by using a lemon. It's more like rotten sour lemons a hundred times over. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 mths. When they broke up, I hid my strong sense of happiness. But after a mth, he got together with another gal. I like him & I know he like me. But why won't he pursue me? Since he love me why he doesn't want to make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt.
Time after time, my heart was hurt.
I begin to suspect that this is a one sided love. If he don't like he, why does he treat me so well. It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I can know his likes, his habits. But i can never figure out his feelings towards me. I coudn't bring myself to ask him about it straight. Despite that, I still want to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him, love him. Hoping that one fine day, he will come & love me. Waiting for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me sms. Hoping that no matter how busy he is, he will make time for me.
Because of this, I waited for him.
The 2 years were the hardest to go through & I really wanted to give up. Sometimes, I wonder why I should continue waiting. The pain and hurt, the dilemma accompanied me for 2 years. Towards the end of my 2nd year, someone else begain to go after me. He would pursuit me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt that I'm willing to let him have a small footing in my heart. He's like a warm & gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree. In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind just a small footing in my heart. I know this wind will bring this badly battered leave far away & better land. Finally I left tree, but the tree only smiled & didn't ask me to stay.
Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay?
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Tree
The reason I'm called tree is because I'm good at painting trees. Over time I started to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolors painting. I have dated 5 gals when I was in JC. There's one gal whom I loved a lot but never dared go after her. She doesn't have a pretty face, doesn't have a good figure, doesn't have outstanding charm.
She was just a very ordinary gal.
But I like her. I really like her. Like her innocent, like her frankness. Like her cuteness, like her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going after her is because I felt somebody so ordinary like her is not a good match for me. I'm also afraid that after we are together all the good feelings will vanish. I'm also afraid other's gossips will hurt her. I felt that if she's my gal, she will be mine ultimately & I don't have to give up everything just for her.
The last reason, made her accompany me for 3 years.
She watched me chase after gals, and I have made her heart cry for 3 years. She wants to be a good actress but I'm a very demanding director. When I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smile & say "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes were swollen like a walnut. I purposely didn't want to think about what caused her to cry but instead laughed at her the whole day. She was alone crying in the classroom after school. She didn't know that I returned from soccer training to get something.
I watched her cry for an hour or so.
My 4th girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character she's not the type that will start off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes were filled with shock. I didn't care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she still laughed & joked with me as though nothing had happened. I know that she's very hurt but she didn't know that my heartache is as bad as hers.
When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out.
After going out for a day, I told her that I have something to tell her. She told me that coincidentally, she has something to tell me too. I told her about my break up and she told me about her getting together. I know who is the guy. He has been going after her for quite a while. A very cute guy full of energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit for her has been the talk of the school. I can't show her how my heart ached but could only smile & congratulate her. When I reach home, the heartache is so strong that I could't stand it. It's like a heavy weighted stone on my chest. I couldn't breath. Wanted to shout but can't. Tears rolled down & I broke down & cried. How many times have I seen her cry for the man that doesn't acknowledge her presence?
During graduation, I received a sms. I cried again upon reading it. I haven't read it since then.
It said "Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay?"
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Moral of story: perserverence will triumph.
Moral of story: regret will follow if u choose not to follow ya heart.
Result of reading story in this order: u really really feel like socking the guy Tree. Both for his inane n supercilious handling of the gal's feelings, and his absurd rationale for not pursueing his heart. It almost makes his pain self-brought. (Isn't that the case though?)
Ok, enough with the griping.
Thats wat u get when u read this story in reverse order.
Read in in its original order if u wan a feel-good story that is more inspiring than it is provoking.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 1:48 AM
