[ Me ]
Nickname: Ursula
Birthday: 7th January 1985
Zodiac: Capricorn
Where From: Singapore
Laidback, sensitive, fickle, easily-tickled, fiercely loyal
Manga and anime lover, enthusist, collector and critic/ Coffee lover, addict and expert maker/ Aspiring future wife of famous culinary chef/ Aspiring future wife of a 1.8m tall hunk
My Friendster link:
http://www.friendster.com/vivis
[ Likes ]
Sleeping, dancing, books, manga, anime, chocolates, coffee, Jap food, Italian food, Ayumi Hamasaki, people, my sister
[ Fave Books ]
Harry Potter series, Artemis Fowl series, The Inheritence Trilogy series, The Da Vinci Code, Memoir of a Geisha, I Don't Know How She Does It... and all my comics n manga!!!
[ Currently Reading ]
Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell
by Susanna Clarke
Inkheart
by Cornelia Funke
The Well Of Loneliness
by Radclyffe Hall
Midnight's Children
by Salman Rushdie
Madame Sadayakko: The Geisha Who Seduced The West
by Lesley Downer
The Unbearable Lightness Of Being
by Milan Kundera
The Historian
by Elizabeth Kostova
[ The Wishlist ]
My Amazon.com Wishlist:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/ref=yourlists_pop_1/103-2401787-9502236
Phillips MC235 Thin Stereo Microsystem
Kathy Van Zeeland bag
(saw on amazon.com going for bout US$65... Why dun Singapore stock her goods??! >.< I wan it in Topaz colour~!!!)
The Lord of the Rings
by J.R.R. Tolkien
Inu-Yasha Theme Song Collection
12 Kingdoms/ Juuni Kokuki anime VCD sets
GUESS bag (darn, i dun have the $120 required to buy it now and i noe it'll be gone soon, Guess always changing their apparels every month or so u_u)
DKNY gold and crystal-studded watch (very ornamental, more a dress watch then an every-funtion watch. still, pretty~)
Mphosis pale gold SLIPPERS (i run through my shoes and slippers like they cost nth X/)
The BodyShop BLUSHER in Golden Pink
The BodyShop blusher BRUSH
Shiseido eyelash CURLER
Full-length wall MIRROR(s) for my room
A new big every-purpose BAG
Pretty SHOES
A Digital CAMERA
A bloody new PC or laptop with the speed of light and a gazillion GB of memory!! =[
The Sims 2 (PC game edition)
[ The Memories ]
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Desired love affair
After a lifetime of picking up shit for people and growing jaded at all but the most moving of personal lost and tragedies, i am now only looking for partners who have the least amount of issues and baggage.
You can't really pick ya frens most of the time; they come and go as fate decrees. But u can choose ya partner.
Of cos, this requires a rational and non-judgemental eye for detail and character flaws before u fall headlong in love - something thats much of an impossibilty for those crush or 'love'-at-first-sights to achieve, since the pple in question are already blinded by their intense emotions and fail to see the bigger picture, i.e. the major characteristic flaws, personalities or lifestyles incompatibility that comes with all that good looks/ body/ charisma/ pheromones, watever.
Yeah, back to the subject. Being rational is a barrier to falling in love.
Before u could even feel anything for someone, ya mental brake kicks into action and u start asking yaself jus why u're attracted to or considering a person, analysing the roots behind that very reason to see if it has a healthy source or not, is it because he jus happens to be there when i'm lonely/ available/ frustrated/ in bad terms with family or the pple usually there for u, and u start examining all the person's faults and analyzing if the two of u could ever be compatible and the likely disagreements that could arise if u two do get together. Jus thinking about it is tiring. Yeah, anyway, the gist is over-rationalizing is a hindrance to falling in love.
The bottom line is, u are not rational when u fall in love. And when u're being rational, u tend to anticipate too many problems along the way and u can't fall in love.
I can never acknowledge to myself that i've fallen in love before, not becos i play hard to get, but becos i have always been rational and therefore i cannot fall in love. There is always something else to consider when it comes to the final point of committing to a relationship, and this over-rationalization is my biggiest bane and the poison that keeps me from allowing many possible frenships and relationships from blossoming (and hence my abysmal track record in love).
This, and that i'm satisfied with all my current frenships, which have been able to provide me with all my emotional needs that i've never seen the need to look for a boyfren to do the same. So when it comes down to it, its my sister's and my best frens' fault u may say. Since they've done such a good number on me i've never had to stray emotionally. And hence my abysmal track record in love (again). But then again, i'd never trade them for the world ;)
Its unreasonable to ask for a tussle-free relationship i know, for problems and over-coming them are part and parcel of building a better relationship.
But i'm a little ambitious. I aim to find and build a relationship where me and my partner need not have to fight or quarrel to sort out our problems. I aim for compromis in a good relationship. I'm not of the school of thought where they say having more fights and (especially jealousy-inducing) arguements will add sparks to a relationship and keep it from becoming dull. That may be true very occasionally like a couple of times in ya whole relationship, where (hopefully-unfounded) jealousy is inevitable. But imagine being in a relationship with a person who constantly makes u jealous or make u worried for him/her jus so that he/she may be reassured of ya love and concern for him/her? Isn't that a bit too much? Over-time, it gets too tiresome to continue and u either get too jaded to care which makes the person even more hurt, or u decide to break it off despite the pain it will cause u both, jus to have a peace of mind finally.
Thats why i'm for the idea that the ideal relationship should be one where the two could assimilate each other's differences and compromise through every stage in the relationship, and since assimilating every difference we have is difficult (especially if those differences are beliefs, personalities or even habits that are worlds part), the best thing wud be to find a partner who shares alot of similar values to you. In the long run (for those of us who're looking for a lasting relationship), i believe enriching a relationship (or even a frenship) is more important than making sure its 'exciting' and adding sparks by throwing in vinegar and salt every so often. Keeping the flame going is important and an occasional gentle fanning of the fire is quintessential, but that can manifest itself in many other ways (be inventive, creative, romantic, watever! jus not self-destructive) and it doesn't make sense to blow it all out of proportions at 50knots per hour and create a fire.
Until i can see a way past my over-rationalizing mind and look pass every nitty-gritty detail or can find a problem-free relationship with a person with the least baggage possible, i am content with my frens, my loving but unfortunate sister and two best frens (unfortunate becos they're always being pestered by me. hey, i may not need a boyfren, but i need as much loving and affection as the next person! so they jus have to suffer wif me, heh).
//
On the side: This entry was written in two parts during the afternoon and this eveing (becos my compt crashed on me in the middle of writing it!), while in my conversations on msn, coincidentally, my best fren is saying she loves me in the afternoon (as in the time the msn conversation takes place, not the timespan of her love, lolx!), and later in the evening, another good fren is telling me i think too much as usual. Funny how it all coincides with my entry content today. How i dun need a relationship becos having my best frens is love enough and how this entry really was the result of thinking too much, lolx! =p Ah well, at least the result of my thinkiing too much has produced this long-delayed blog update for ya entertainment and enlightenment hasn't it? *smirks* ;P
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 7:01 PM
