[ The Memories ]
Sunday, June 25, 2006
大姐大
One of the similarities that my two best frens and i share, though i wouldn't admit to it even if half the pple i noe tell me that to my face, is that we'd often been coined, mistakenly or otherwise, as Da Jie Da - Big Sisters. Of what, we dunno. But thats another matter.
I guess in some ways or other we do fit the bill.
All three of us are the eldest sisters in our families; we like to be in control of our environment; we bear (sometimes) huge resposibilities and the unknowing burden of unsaid and said expectations of us and our roles. Yet all these are quite common to us, having been brought up our whole lives as such. The deciding factor i suppose, is that these aspect of our personalities are unconsciously brought into our daily relationships with others too. Thats just an assumption to explain this bizarre conclusion of our personas of course. It could be our looks that factor in that wierd label or something else. I dunno.
But to do justice to my two best frens, i've to first proclaim that that's where the difference ends between the three of us.
I can't vouch for myself, since i wouldn't be able to humbly or otherwise describe myself in a way that wouldn't make me embarrass later on. But i can describe the different reactions we get when we, in pairs, interact with others - 1) when i'm with Xiangling, and 2) when i'm with Hanxiang.
Amongst the three of us, Hanxiang is the one with the most number of figure titles under her belt, being Captain of her volleyball teams in sec sch and JC, councillor, prefect, reps, and anything else i missed out. She's the responsible and nurturing one whom i feel really befitting the Big Sister label.
Xiangling and i on the otherhand, though we had our shares of being Monitress, Vice-head prefect, class reps, coordinators and such, wud gladly beg off our responsibilities if we're allowed. And we definitely seize the chance to break every rule in the schoolbook we're expected to enforce. (Which is probably why we fell from the good graces of our teachers to the black sheeps of the lot in the 12 years of education prior to our tertiery one, lolx!)
Roles of responsibilities still find us sometimes, though by then, we tot they should noe better. But Xiangling too, in comparison to me, did alot better taking on the tasks she's handed and usually takes them in her stride far, far more easily than others wud.
No, but most pple we know who labelled us as such did not know our school backgrounds. They have no way of knowing that Hanxiang was her sch's Captain, that Xiangling was Monitress or Vice-head prefect, or whether that i was a rep, a prefect or the basketball team's bench-warmer. I hear them especially alot with pple i've newly met and befriended, or as feedback from my sister or other frens who has frens who had seen or met me.
No, they dunno us really, but still they persist in thinking and blurting out suddenly and unexpectedly in our faces, almost as if they were unaware they were speaking out loud, but still shocking us speechless, things like,
"你很像大姐大leh!"
I share many similarities with each of the two of them; we have many similar likes and dislikes, value systems, opinions, intolerances; we share such a long history together that even our personalities fuse and our minds think as one sometimes. We think on the same wavelengths, and are so accustomed to it that sometimes, we get impatient when we have to face pple whose mind works in different wavelengths as us - even our own siblings sometimes!
But while the three of us are best frens, the difference of how other pple view us manifests itself, rather, in each of our individual and pair interactions with others.
These couple of years, i meet with each of them individually alot more often than the three of us as a group, and this difference is really quite insightful, though sometimes vexing.
Xiangling's bubbly and happy-go-lucky personality virtually screams, "I AM FRIENDLY!!! COME. TALK. TO. ME~!!!! =DDDDDDDD"
So while we're on a night out together, or just hanging out after school, work, during breaks or whenever jus the two of us are chilling out someplace, it is virtually impossible NOT to have pple come join us for a drink, sit with us for lunch, join us during breaks, or jus hanging on to our every exchange with the interest that wat one wud ordinarily give every move and exchange of two boxers in the last championship match (ok ok, i jest, but u get the idea).
THIS, despite my sombre expressions, anti-social persona, and jus the look that implies someone-has-died-and-we're-discussing-the-funeral, when we're toking about serious stuff and dun wan to be interupted sometimes!!!
Pple have told me i've looked quite forbidding and hard to approach when i put on that look, and with anybody else it wud have worked! But hardly ever wif Xiangling!
Apparently, the power of my black face is pathetically overpowered by her friendliness and approachability.
It is her blessing and my curse.
We have countless pple now who've told us that they love talking or hanging out with us (US??!! Yes, the two of us. They must have missed my grey looks in XL's radiance), that we're so interesting, so funny, our repartee so witty, our conversations so insightful and thought-provoking, that they miss us, and generally that they've never quite met gals like us before.
We have virtual strangers, acquaintances, or jus pple who dun figure in our conversations (our siblings, parents or frens) who wud suddenly tell us, in the midst of one of our exuberant conversations, to slow down our speech, because they can't hear us properly...?!! And we wud give each other the look, like, okay... jus how do they figure in this conversation anyway? Or sometimes, if its our family, we'll laugh and ask them "Why are u eavesdropping anyway?! I'm toking to Xiangling/Vivis wad!?"
We have ex-colleagues, sch-mates, etc sit with us after work or school jus listening in on our normal conversations with each other nearly every other day, discussing our family, bout certain pple, frenships, our opinions on certain matters, or tackle some issues, and they wud tell me or XL one day that they love hearing us talk.
Usually the answers are as expected now - something along the lines of "Because u two are so funny/ interesting/ crack me up, etc", but there was this once when an ex-colleague surprisingly replied that he liked listening to us discuss "the serious stuff".
Yes, now i know why my black looks dun work when we're toking about serious issues and the third party wun leave - apparently they are actually drawn to it!?
There are too many such cases to count, most of which usually leave me flabbergasted when i hear them. Especially if they made references to me, which i think must be a mistake.
Yes. I guess somewhere along the conveying lines, my anti-social signal has been whitewashed by XL's brilliantly colourful personality.
And occasionally... no, actually, more often than we like it or could comprehend, when they pop out something like "你们好像大姐大啊!" , we will be like... huh? siao arh.
And when they say we actually look very intimidating, very hard to approach, or get to know, or yeah lar, like 大姐大s (-.-), thats when i really ki siao inside my head - then why u all dare butt in in the first place?!!
Dun get me wrong, i love our mutual frens!
When we go out as a group, of cos we're in the mood for fun and companionship! :)
But when your frenship is as long as Xiangling and mine (close to 12 years now) and the inopportune interruptions seem never ceasing due to the unconscious friendly signal ya best fren keeps sending via pheromones, a baby face, a perpetual smile or watever, u will be vexed too.
U noe, jus like an unpleasant, grouchy parent (me) carrying a 10-month old baby (her) wud still always attract coos and aaahhs and smiles and baby-talk. (Hey! This analogy actually works really well!! *pats myself on the back* =D )
And then...arh.... there is Hanxiang.
Finally. A different story!! =)
When we talk in all seriousness, people keep a distance.
It had been like this since secondary school when we finally trully 'found' each other during our upper sec, when we were put together in the same class (we knew each other from sec 1 as a group wif XL and jess, but she wud tell u that she had hated me then. And I wud say honestly that i din give a shit about her then. Lolx!! Lovely pple, aren't we? = P Its a misunderstanding and a long story. But wad do u noe? Fate sure turn things around huh? Or maybe her 'hatred' is a love in disguise and she din noe it then...WAHAHAHAHAA~!!! Xp ).
I remember the two of us talking over the railings in the corridor outside our classroom during break, a few class girls wud run up to us and slap our shoulders in excitement, but watever they had to say wud die an early death halfway out their mouths when they saw that we were deep in conversation, and then bid a hasty "oh nvm, later".
And even if Hanxiang or i wud already be brought out of our preoccupation and wud kindly coax them to continue wat they had to ask or say, they wud apologetically or abashedly decline and ask us to carry on and they will tell us later.
Of course, i never realized it at that time, and its only in retrospect that i see the difference now.
It has continued to be this way with many other people even now when we meet so frequently out of school.
We often bump into ex-classmates, her juniors or ex-teammates, my school-mates or our siblings' frens, but when they excitedly flag us and approach us, and depending on the circumstances if they'd came in when we were in the middle of conversation (actually, any other time too, even if we're jus walking), they wud keep a respectful distance from us.
Yes, it feels weird to use that term 'respectful', but its the closest to describe that deferential, impersonal, psychological and intangible space they keep even tho the two pple in question may be chatting exuberantly in the manner of pple who have not seen each other for quite some time tend to do, and soon after, wud bid farewell in the manner that oso suggests that they shouldn't be intruding in on us.
That is not to say we were unfriendly or they were imposing on us. In fact, when they approach one of us, and the other, lets say me, wud be all polite smiles, knowing that this other person is a fren or acquaintance of my best fren, and i should not and could not bring myself to put on a sullen air of disinterest and jus turn my back and walk away (as i noe a lot of pple do when their bf/ gf/ fren/ sibling's frens approach them n chat).
See??! But they wun pull out a seat to stay n chat or follow us around wordlessly while we walk around like some wud do with XL and me!
Hanxiang and i have our own explainations for these interesting phenomenons, but this post is long-winded enough without my adding every hows and whys to it.
See the difference between our interactions with others when its me & Xiangling and when its me & Hanxiang?!!!
I din even have to put on a black face and the pple scatter like rabbits when i will them to!!
(Very convenient.)
Wif XL, i can put on Bao Qing Tian's (Justice Bao's) black opera mask in broad daylight and Xiangling's radiant "I AM FRIENDLY!!! COME. TALK. TO. ME~!!!!" will still sunblind them to my wat-i-tot-was-obvious air of this-is-a-private-conversation, and draw them to us like flies to honey.
Ermm... no prizes guessing which effect Vivis prefers over the other.
Like i said, i like our mutual frens.
But i do generally prefer to be given some personal space when i'm deep in conversations talking about some serious issues, and that we be left to our ruminations.
Ah well. Maybe thats why the power that be has given me two best frens - too much of a good thing may not feel that good and bad things may not neccessarrily feel bad.
Okay, i've gone off in my own little world and digressed magnificently again. Typical.
On my way back home jus now, I just told my sis i'm tired and thirsty and have a craving for some premium, branded ice-cream since we'd walked for half the day through town n asked her if we should go buy some, and she smacked my head one side.
I get NO RESPECT around here!!
Wad 大姐大?!
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 11:54 PM
