The Heart Keeps Beating...
no matter what happens.
I'm Ursula. Welcome to my blog.
*For the uninitiated, just click on the Navigation links on the left =)
Nickname: Ursula
Birthday: 7th January 1985
Zodiac: Capricorn
Where From: Singapore
Laidback, sensitive, fickle, easily-tickled, fiercely loyal
Manga and anime lover, enthusist, collector and critic/ Coffee lover, addict and expert maker/ Aspiring future wife of famous culinary chef/ Aspiring future wife of a 1.8m tall hunk
My Friendster link:
http://www.friendster.com/vivis
[ Likes ]
Sleeping, dancing, books, manga, anime, chocolates, coffee, Jap food, Italian food, Ayumi Hamasaki, people, my sister
[ Fave Books ]
Harry Potter series, Artemis Fowl series, The Inheritence Trilogy series, The Da Vinci Code, Memoir of a Geisha, I Don't Know How She Does It... and all my comics n manga!!!
[ Currently Reading ]
Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell
by Susanna Clarke
The Well Of Loneliness
by Radclyffe Hall
Midnight's Children
by Salman Rushdie
Madame Sadayakko: The Geisha Who Seduced The West
by Lesley Downer
The Unbearable Lightness Of Being
by Milan Kundera
The Historian
by Elizabeth Kostova
[ The Wishlist ]
My Amazon.com Wishlist:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/ref=yourlists_pop_1/103-2401787-9502236
Phillips MC235 Thin Stereo Microsystem
Kathy Van Zeeland bag
(saw on amazon.com going for bout US$65... Why dun Singapore stock her goods??! >.< I wan it in Topaz colour~!!!)
The Lord of the Rings
by J.R.R. Tolkien
Inu-Yasha Theme Song Collection
12 Kingdoms/ Juuni Kokuki anime VCD sets
GUESS bag (darn, i dun have the $120 required to buy it now and i noe it'll be gone soon, Guess always changing their apparels every month or so u_u)
DKNY gold and crystal-studded watch (very ornamental, more a dress watch then an every-funtion watch. still, pretty~)
Mphosis pale gold SLIPPERS (i run through my shoes and slippers like they cost nth X/)
The BodyShop BLUSHER in Golden Pink
The BodyShop blusher BRUSH
Shiseido eyelash CURLER
Full-length wall MIRROR(s) for my room
A new big every-purpose BAG
Pretty SHOES
A Digital CAMERA
A bloody new PC or laptop with the speed of light and a gazillion GB of memory!! =[
The Sims 2 (PC game edition)
Monday, March 19, 2007
To be brilliant
"As I interpret the Course, 'our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
From A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles, by Marianne Williamson
Came across this quote online, and though it should have been around a long time and shouldnt be new to me already, it struck me as inpiring jus because it goes aginst the grind of all our Asian teachings - to be humble, to think about other people, to not draw attention to ourselves, to blend in like every other person. Here is something that tells us not to do that, but for a utilitarian cause. Indeed. Where would all the great people in the world be if they are like every other men?
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 5:11 PM
Thursday, March 15, 2007
The strong will always take care of the weak
Went up to Malaysia with my family and relatives this past week, becos my aunt in Malaysia passed away.
The trip was sceduled to visit her actually, cos she was very ill. But 5mins before we left the house to start on the 5 hour road trip, we got the call that she'd jus passed away.
Imagine the surrealness of going there to see a living relative, but reaching to pay your respects to her in a coffin. Everytime my mum and other aunt see her in the coffin, they start crying u_u
Anyway, mum n sis n a couple other relatives will be staying there until the funeral procession on thurs, i came back wif a couple other relatives by the van cos i didnt bring anything there to study (was only supposed to be a 1-2 day trip).
I'm still in a state of disbelieve, maybe tts why i'm coping better than them.
Everything had been so fast - sick, cancer, death. She'd been diagnose for barely a week to a fortnight, but it was incurable already. Still, she was toking on the phone with my mum jus a week or two ago it feels to me.
Feel sorry for my mum actually, her siblings are dwindling... especially the closer ones. Her eldest two brothers passed away jus last year, and now two of her sisters are gone too. It seem cancer runs in the family, albeit in old age. Worried for my mum. Will make her go for annual full body checkups from now on, prevention is always better than cure. She isnt getting any younger already, and lately, it seems that happy family events like marriages in our extended family are getting rarer and we seem to meet our relatives over funeral and the likes more and more. Its isnt a good thing at all.
On the journey back, one scene etched into my memory.
There were only my 3rd uncle, his early-30s bachelor son (my cousin), and myself as the passengers in the van on the way back. During one of the stops, i got into the van to be sitted first (since i was sitting in the seats behind them), and saw my cousin helping my uncle up the van, putting one hand to cover the roof edge of the van so my uncle wouldnt bump his head accidentally.
After that, i paid more attention to when we alighted and moved about during our restrooms and dinner stops. I realized that though my uncle seemed vital and walks like any other person normally, he has trouble with stairs, climbing up and down the van or occasionally steep steps. His son is there half an arm's length away usually, mindful of giving a man help when he doesnt need it, but still having an arm outstretched should his father needs to take it.
In many ways, it is wat i do for my mum when we go out now, except my uncle (though older) walks more briskly, and doesnt have a bad leg like my mum has. And my mum being a woman and more receptive to help, isnt averse to us constantly sticking our thumbs in.
I only jus got to know this uncle of mine is in his early to mid-70s this year (74, if i heard him telling another relative correctly). But he had never struck me as old before. His hair is still black (tho inevitable starting to thin), his face though lined, is tan and taut and shows no sign of sagging. Although old age has ravaged his skin such that where i can see (his arms etc), his skin shows a dryness and spots that we know do not appear on the young. He could still pass for as healthy and vital as a man still active in his mid-50s. He was a principal for most of his life, and had been a learned and intelligent man from the time i first knew him, and his speech pattern hasnt changed since my youth. I guess our image of the people we know doesnt change much from when we first knew them in our minds, even if we know rationally that they have aged or changed (my 18 year old sis still remains a primary school student in the eyes of my old frens).
Our parents have aged and we have grown up. While we were the dependents when we were young, they are now the ones depending on us, even if they will not admit so. The strong will always take care of the weak. So while they protected us when we were young, our roles have started to reverse now that they've aged. Sometimes, i find myself scolding my mum for silly mistakes even.
Despite this, there is still a clash of understandings sometimes. Because while we deem ourselves stronger in terms of physical, knowledge, experience in some matters, etc, parents at middle-age still havent or refuse to come to terms with their own age and occasional need of help, and think they still have to see us through every walk in life. We deem ourselves the stronger ones and therfore want to take care of them, but our parents and folks think they are the stronger and more experienced ones and need to impart those lessons.
A fren is right - we will always be our parents' children.
That said, i hope the day the transition where our parents pass middle-age and come to terms with their own vulnerability and fully rely on us never comes. Because that wud mean they need our help because they cannot manage on their own, because of some major or minor impairments. No child would wish that on their parent.
But as certain as Time itself and the changes it brings, old age will one day come to them, and we must be prepared to accept that. I leave many things unsaid, because superstitions nonwithstanding, painting a dark scenario for ya family and loved ones wud leave a bad taste in ya mouth. But filial piety shouldnt end in our Primary school curriculum, or start when our parents are old and bent. I think the worst thing to feel wud be regret.
Okay, sombre topic.
Peace out.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 8:49 PM
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