[ The Memories ]
Monday, March 19, 2007
To be brilliant
"As I interpret the Course, 'our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
From A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles, by Marianne Williamson
Came across this quote online, and though it should have been around a long time and shouldnt be new to me already, it struck me as inpiring jus because it goes aginst the grind of all our Asian teachings - to be humble, to think about other people, to not draw attention to ourselves, to blend in like every other person. Here is something that tells us not to do that, but for a utilitarian cause. Indeed. Where would all the great people in the world be if they are like every other men?
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 5:11 PM
Thursday, March 15, 2007
The strong will always take care of the weak
Went up to Malaysia with my family and relatives this past week, becos my aunt in Malaysia passed away.
The trip was sceduled to visit her actually, cos she was very ill. But 5mins before we left the house to start on the 5 hour road trip, we got the call that she'd jus passed away.
Imagine the surrealness of going there to see a living relative, but reaching to pay your respects to her in a coffin. Everytime my mum and other aunt see her in the coffin, they start crying u_u
Anyway, mum n sis n a couple other relatives will be staying there until the funeral procession on thurs, i came back wif a couple other relatives by the van cos i didnt bring anything there to study (was only supposed to be a 1-2 day trip).
I'm still in a state of disbelieve, maybe tts why i'm coping better than them.
Everything had been so fast - sick, cancer, death. She'd been diagnose for barely a week to a fortnight, but it was incurable already. Still, she was toking on the phone with my mum jus a week or two ago it feels to me.
Feel sorry for my mum actually, her siblings are dwindling... especially the closer ones. Her eldest two brothers passed away jus last year, and now two of her sisters are gone too. It seem cancer runs in the family, albeit in old age. Worried for my mum. Will make her go for annual full body checkups from now on, prevention is always better than cure. She isnt getting any younger already, and lately, it seems that happy family events like marriages in our extended family are getting rarer and we seem to meet our relatives over funeral and the likes more and more. Its isnt a good thing at all.
On the journey back, one scene etched into my memory.
There were only my 3rd uncle, his early-30s bachelor son (my cousin), and myself as the passengers in the van on the way back. During one of the stops, i got into the van to be sitted first (since i was sitting in the seats behind them), and saw my cousin helping my uncle up the van, putting one hand to cover the roof edge of the van so my uncle wouldnt bump his head accidentally.
After that, i paid more attention to when we alighted and moved about during our restrooms and dinner stops. I realized that though my uncle seemed vital and walks like any other person normally, he has trouble with stairs, climbing up and down the van or occasionally steep steps. His son is there half an arm's length away usually, mindful of giving a man help when he doesnt need it, but still having an arm outstretched should his father needs to take it.
In many ways, it is wat i do for my mum when we go out now, except my uncle (though older) walks more briskly, and doesnt have a bad leg like my mum has. And my mum being a woman and more receptive to help, isnt averse to us constantly sticking our thumbs in.
I only jus got to know this uncle of mine is in his early to mid-70s this year (74, if i heard him telling another relative correctly). But he had never struck me as old before. His hair is still black (tho inevitable starting to thin), his face though lined, is tan and taut and shows no sign of sagging. Although old age has ravaged his skin such that where i can see (his arms etc), his skin shows a dryness and spots that we know do not appear on the young. He could still pass for as healthy and vital as a man still active in his mid-50s. He was a principal for most of his life, and had been a learned and intelligent man from the time i first knew him, and his speech pattern hasnt changed since my youth. I guess our image of the people we know doesnt change much from when we first knew them in our minds, even if we know rationally that they have aged or changed (my 18 year old sis still remains a primary school student in the eyes of my old frens).
Our parents have aged and we have grown up. While we were the dependents when we were young, they are now the ones depending on us, even if they will not admit so. The strong will always take care of the weak. So while they protected us when we were young, our roles have started to reverse now that they've aged. Sometimes, i find myself scolding my mum for silly mistakes even.
Despite this, there is still a clash of understandings sometimes. Because while we deem ourselves stronger in terms of physical, knowledge, experience in some matters, etc, parents at middle-age still havent or refuse to come to terms with their own age and occasional need of help, and think they still have to see us through every walk in life. We deem ourselves the stronger ones and therfore want to take care of them, but our parents and folks think they are the stronger and more experienced ones and need to impart those lessons.
A fren is right - we will always be our parents' children.
That said, i hope the day the transition where our parents pass middle-age and come to terms with their own vulnerability and fully rely on us never comes. Because that wud mean they need our help because they cannot manage on their own, because of some major or minor impairments. No child would wish that on their parent.
But as certain as Time itself and the changes it brings, old age will one day come to them, and we must be prepared to accept that. I leave many things unsaid, because superstitions nonwithstanding, painting a dark scenario for ya family and loved ones wud leave a bad taste in ya mouth. But filial piety shouldnt end in our Primary school curriculum, or start when our parents are old and bent. I think the worst thing to feel wud be regret.
Okay, sombre topic.
Peace out.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 8:49 PM
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Dream shoes~ ^-^
Today started out terrible but then got better and better~ X>
I got hit on by an Indian middle-aged guy old enough to be my father while waiting at the bus stop this morning =.- (He has a moustach for god's sake~ Even my dad doesnt have a moustach. Nuuuuuu~ X[)
Ok, getting hit on isnt all that rare. It was more wat he said -.-
Gah. Felt like rolling my eyes and keep rolling them. Duh.
My bus took 15 minutes to arrive and the guy seemed undiscouraged by my monosyllabic responses or cheesed off face (i kept looking away and he kept calling me =.=). He even looked at my hands n complimented my manicure at one point and i felt like poking my ring finger wif my ring on it in his eye~
Is he like, blind or wat?
Creep =.=
And then i got to my haircut appointment late and was told that my hairdresser had asthma and had gone to see a doctor. So i've made a wasted trip down in the sweltering heat. (And i do mean sweltering~ X|)
Went to Causeway Point to repair my mobile phone at the service centre after, and shopped around in the mall afterwards.
Then the day got better...
Because.... *drumroll*......
I found My. Dream. Shoes~!!!!!!!!
Waaaaaaa-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii~~~~!!!!!!
*squeals~*
Its so pretty i tell u~ XD
Pale gold, 4 inch high wedges, wif clasps.
Let me tell u wat it does for my legs... It made my legs look like half a feet longer! I have like, Naomi Campbell's legs in those wedges i tell u~!!!!! Wahahahahhahaha~!!!!!!! XD
*cough* >.>
A short and fat and non-black Naomi Campbell that is <.<
LOL~!!!
*falls down luffing~*
[J/K! XP]
And Xiangling had given me a gift certificate for Charles & Keith (where i went to look and found these shoes) for my birthday, so i onli have to fork out 20 myself. 20bucks to get my dream shoes. Excellent!
Its so totally gorgeous~
And pale gold will go wif any clothes i wan to match too~ ^-^
*jumps up and down~!!!*
And i've bought some clothes ytd (black short tube dress ^-^), and some *cough* innerwear, and some earrings, so now all i'm missing are some more accesories (chunky necklaces =p) and a bag maybe and another suit of clothes and a couple days of tanning...
I see i have my work cut out in front of me the next few days leading to CNY this sunday.... >.>;
HEH!!
*jiggles around~*
Feeling happy now~ ^-^
And V-day is tml ^-^
It shdnt be a day jus for couples, but for frens too =)
So Happy Valentine's Day to everyone in advance~
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 11:33 PM
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Bulova Women's Diamond Bezel Chronograph Watch
Okay, since i'm at the topic of materialistic wants anyway, I decided this has got to have a whole post by itself~
Bulova Women's Diamond Bezel Chronograph Watch
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/.....link
This is the most perfect watch ever! O.O
Its like the watch i've been looking high and low for and finally found.
It has both glam and functions. I've been looking for dressy watches that are oso classic pieces that i can carry over to everyday wear if i wan to. One that comes wif date, etc, and not jus a timepiece that looks good on ya wrist but doesnt even have a seconds-hand or the numeral dial. And this watch has diamonds! I love sparkles and blings as much as the next gal, and this watch is dressy but classic and isnt overstated. Wats not to like?
And u noe wats the plus? The brand itself.
I cant really say i go for branded goods that much (*cough*), but if i had to choose, all my watches must be of a good brand and quality. I think brands in watches amount to durability.
And a classic brand never goes out of date.
And the brand of a watch (or indeed, the watch itself) speaks alot about a person. I've been looking for a watch and a brand that speaks out to me as much as it speaks about me. Maybe thats why, despite the very very rare $10 dollar watch (that quickly loses it battery life anyway), i havent been able to give up on my current 25 Hours watch.
Rolex is too much of an overstatement for someone my age (tho i'm aware they have a new line thats catered towards the younger tastes) and too expensive and not really reasonable for everyday wear. Omega, while classic, strikes me as alittle mature and somewat doctrinal or conventional, and jus doesnt feel right for me (i did consider it for awhile, but it jus doesnt beckon me at all). Tag Hauer is too manly. Guess as a watch is too young and funky (i noe frens wear them, but for the same amount or slightly more, i'd rather get smth else) and i think i'd still rather stick to their bags and wallets. DKNY is a fashion watch that doesnt really count functions as one of its selling points (despite it being on my wishlist previously). If anyone says Casio or Fossil, i'll go 'Ugh'... same for any other non classic timepeice brands.
Recently, i've been thinking through the brands (classic timepieces kinda, but ultimately affordable or at least striveable - not one of your $20k or $200k sort of watches... those belong in a freaking museum in their boxes, not to be worn out ), and thought of Raymond Weil maybe (respectful but sensual). I didnt particularly consider Bulova, seeing as i dun really chance upon it that often when i shop and the brand didnt immediately jump out at me. But this watch.... is nothing short of perfection for me i think. It is reliable, beautiful (for their line of women watches) and forward-looking despite its long history, and its look of having outstanding diamonds but an understated cut to match it and a multi-dial function that keeps track of dates and days etc, binds glam and function together. Perfect.
I guess i've always been looking for a watch i wud fall in love wif at first sight and wud have no regrets buying.I guess this is the one. My impulse buys are few and far between, but the rare times i am not fickle over smth and can buy them on the spot, are when i fall in love wif the object at first sight. It doesnt happen too often, and i've never regretted any of those buys yet.
This model has been around for sometime now i think... hopefully when i'm looking to buy it again once i earn my own moolah (or have someone buy it as a special gift, so that it'll be even more special), it'll still be there.
My important watches generally holds some meaning in my life, are given by someone or to mark a special occasion. (My current watch was bought by my dad when i graduated from high sch.) I will have another watch coming in soon, given by someone special for a special occasion. It will tide me for until i get my next watch, which will hopefully be this Bulova. I wud like to think with my first paycheck (when i really trully go out to work), but then i think my first paycheck wud be put to more crucial and urgent uses, like paying for the bills first or to get me work wear or bags and shoes, haha.
Right now, its going for USD$248 on amazon.com, a 50% mark down from its original USD$499, or at least USD100 less than places sold outside. So that wud be about SGD$400-500. Not unreacheable, but still too pricey for me to get now =/ Its more than the below $250 i wud wan to pay for a good watch, but i guess i'll be paying for quality so its all right.(Reviews of Bulova's watches have always been good... they work 12 years wif onli 3 battery changes according to one reviewer. Mmm.)
(I hate online transactions btw, they strike me as so cumblesome and unsafe. And u can never inspect the goods until they've reached, which will be too late sometimes if the seller doesnt offer refunds. And i'll need a credit card or a debit card for it. Guess its high time i get myself a debit card anyway... too many things i'll need it for in future, and its always better to carry some plastic than cold cash.)
Well, i'll look around for other classic watches meanwhile, but i think aside from price and maybe weight (its abit on the heavy side but bearable), this Bulova is as close to wat i want as i can find already.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 8:56 PM
Wants
You noe wat? I shd go all out and be materialistic and jus make this a bimbotic post~
Here's a list of things i want and need, and should i have the money (haha!), will get:
GUESS bag (darn, i dun have the $120 required to buy it now and i noe it'll be gone soon, since Guess always change their apparels every month or so u_u)
DKNY gold and crystal-studded watch (very ornamental, more a dress watch then an every-funtion watch. still, pretty~ XD)
Mphosis pale gold SLIPPERS (i run through my shoes and slippers like they cost nth, breaking and tearing left and right. seriously! X/ Since i'm left wif no more nice-looking flats that i wun be embarassed to wear to town, this is on the top of my To Get list, once i get my Chinese New Year ang pows.)
The BodyShop BLUSHER in Golden Pink (Chinese New Year...so will stock up on it before or after the new year, since mine is finishing in jus a few more days i think <.<)
The BodyShop blusher BRUSH (best ponyhair material i've come across, even compared to brands like MAC, Shu Uemura etc, and the most value for money at $19.90 too)
Shiseido eyelash CURLER (made for Asian eye shapes ^^)
False eyelashes from SASA or wherever (if i get too lazy to use mascara next time, and can find a decent pair of falsies. Heard from a fren its actually faster to put on than mascara once u're practiced enuff. Tempting.)
MAC eyeliner (the waterproof ones. Colour in dark brown looks pretty good, comparable to the one i'm using from The Face Shop now that is cheap and good but easily smudgeable, therefore need to find a replacement that is smudge-proof.)
PHILOSOPHY brand Hope In A Jar moisturizer (I've heard so much about it. Its like the miracle cream or someth. Not even sure its sold in Singapore... maybe get it online next time or something. USD$35 for a 2oz jar or USD$70 for a 4oz jar.)
Full-length wall MIRROR(s) for my room (yes yes!! this is freaking long overdue~!!! by the time i get it, i think it'll most likely be wif my own money from when i start work u_u)
A new big every-purpose BAG. Or bags. (i'm a bag whore. i need bags. plain and simple.)
Pretty SHOES
A Digital CAMERA (well, someday. sighs.)
A bloody new PC or laptop with the speed of light and a gazillion GB of memory!! =[
(did i mention how my room's PC thats approximately 8 years old keeps hanging on me like once or twice every couple of days or lesser? or that the monitor have tendencies not to get power and doesnt on when the CPU does and i have to restart everything all over again because thats how it works if i wan both to on? No? I havent said that? Well, yes. I'm in dire need of a new PC or laptop. Even Dell or someth DIY or second-hand. Dammit! X[ )
Lots of new clothes and lingerie~ (they dun even have to be branded, jus need to look good on me. Well, it wun hurt if the bras are from Triumph though... quality and texture matters for undergarments u noe? *cough*)
More coloured contact lenses, and at least a few pairs of my normal lenses wif high asmatism to last till after my exams (ironcally, because of my high asmatism, a pair of my normal lens will be roughly the price i can get for two pairs of coloured contacts u_u So i'm sticking wif coloured for now... unbeliveably, more for costs than vainity reasons. I miss not having to squint at the whiteboards in lectures. But since lectures are coming to a close... guess i jus need a few more pairs of normal lens to tide me thru until exams end.)
Okay... end of bimbtic post. Think i've pretty much covered myself from top to toe, and then some.
Sighs. Someday i guess.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 3:46 PM
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Date of Birth: 22 years ago
Happy Birthday to ME~!!!!!!!!!!
Heh!!
Okay, time to hide my age now i think <.<
LOL! XD
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 3:09 AM
Saturday, January 06, 2007
You are Justice
Equity, rightness, probity, executive; triumph of the observing side in law.
Justice is about cold, objective balance through reason or natural force. You can't keep smoking and drinking without consequences to your health. It is the card that advises cutting out waste and insists that you make adjustments, do whatever is necessary to bring things back into balance, physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually. It is a card of balance and harmony; if there is imbalance, the correction may
require recourse to the law.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 2:00 PM
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Something akin to Sian-ness
I've been pretty depressed lately.
This wud happen to you too if most of ya emotional support were suddenly yanked from underneath ya feet.
It is so incongruent that some pple can be jealous of you when, when you come to think of it, all that they know about you can jus be hyped up by an over-active imagination. There could be more and there could be less. But seriously, u wud not know unless u were within the inner circle. And if u were, i dun think there wud be much cause to be jealous about already.
But considering that my 'inner circle' consists of only a handful of pple really close to my heart (despite of, and maybe because of, a gratefully broader peripheral circle, who takes the mundaneness out of life), its inevitable that pple think they noe u when they dun really do.
It doesnt jus happen to me though. I noe alot of pple are increasingly having a more hectic schedule and therefore a more hectic social life that as we grow older, seem to border more on the peripheral because you have to, rather than focusing on the core which u want to. And sadly, some people do not have this core at all.
I think despite all the western values the younger generation are increasingly growing up with here, we still retain certain very asian cores. Like, more and more, i find myself able to do alot of meaningless interactions on a people to people basis but its really hard for new or otherwise frens to get to noe the things that matter about me (western-like interaction, extraverted but inwardly clam-like even to closer frens). Yet if i was true to myself, i take some time to actually warm up to new pple, more time to trust them, and even more time to open up, but when i do, the floodgates open (asian-like interaction, outwardly reserved but really opens up when u're close).
Goodness. Look at all my verbal diarrhoea that have ensued from a nothing-to-do-ness when all i've wanted to do was come up and whine a couple of lines about how bad i feel.
Sigh. Anyway, in conclusion, i feel bad. Not good. Sian-ed. Jaded and depressed.
I know this can probably be corrected by filling up my time wif some more earstwhile activities, but frankly, i feel too down to do anything worthwhile. My tasks are undone and my work is piling up and some pple are going to be really impatient soon. But i need to make up my mind before i can get the ball rolling. And i need all those emotional support back. I cant take the next step forward when all i wan to do now is crawl into bed and never wake up until everything is put right. Maybe when i wake up everything will be a dream and all will be bright and cheery again.
There is some book wif a quote somewhere for wat i'm feeling now but i'm too jaded even to pluck the book out of my bookshelf to look it up.
And it doesnt help that my birthday is in less than a week's time.
I'm getting older and i resent all the responsibilities that i'd be laden with with maturity, age, adulthood and when i graduate from sch (if all goes well, in roughly six to seven months' time) and enter working life.
I dun feel very jolly at all to be frank.
How can pple envy me when i envy all the still-schooling kids?
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 4:28 AM
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Christmas Joys
My christmas handmade card and ring to him.
His card and white gold ring to me.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 1:49 AM
Monday, December 25, 2006
Merry Christmas 2006
Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays people~!!!! XD
May the year ahead bring you love, peace and happiness~ X>
*HUGS~*
Hope everyone have a happy Christmas! ^___^
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 12:28 PM
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Pre-Christmas
Heh, x'mas is not here yet but already i'm getting so many gifts~ X>
I've only asked for one thing this year.
And i've got better than wat i wanted.... =)
That and more.
As usual we dun celebrate gift-exchanging within my family, tho i nearly always celebrate wif my lil' sis (bring her out wif my frens, or sometimes give gifts if there are stuff she wans. but since i get her stuff all year round, it doesnt make much diff at x'mas =p)
Things i've recieved so far include:
2 Christmas cards
5 presents (small n big... tho big pressies had came in small packages~ X3)
3 boxes of chocolates (leaving them to be opened on x'mas~ XD)
1 red packet
Its a good haul this year ^__^
Though i think the biggest gift this christmas doesnt come in the form of material things, but in the love and company i'm surrounded wif.
Though because we cannot read minds, sometimes it tends to take the occasional little gifts, written words, and the effort put into them to show us that we are remembered, loved and worth putting in that effort for. And i fully appreciate the thought and effort behind every gift and card.
Been out last nite for a nite of chilling out wif old frens and regulars at the new place my old bosses opened. Its been a long time since i saw my old bosses, and they havent changed one bit.
It almost feels like old times, wif my best fren there, just-turned-legal sister in tow, old familiar regulars, good food, beer and music, with the card n pool-table games and friendly banter n cajoling as usual.
We have grown up and grown wiser.
But some things never change. The old pple are still there. The bonds are still there. The shared memories are still there. And the warm fuzzy feeling still resides in our hearts at Christmas.
And there's still Christmas Eve celebrations to look forward to~
Heh! X)
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 4:01 PM
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Updates
Ok, i've been feeling guilty for neglecting my blog for so long (sheesh, was my last post really in October ???) that i'm giving a little now obvious updates of myself:
1. I've curled, coloured and highlighted my hair~ Yes, everything done finally! But my hair was curlsed like 2mths plus ago? So its kinda loosened now... <.<; Ah well.
2. I've been wearing specs for the past 3 weeks and possibly for another week plus more, all because i've overworn my contact lens and my optician prescribes a 2 weeks break from wearing it, n when my eye still havent recovered totally during my last checkup, she prescribed another 2 more weeks. May wan to get a pair of coloured contacts for the coming festive season (tho my asmatism is so high, wearing coloured contacts that doesnt have asmatism degrees isnt very wise for sch, but shd be all right during the month of dec-jan tho ^^)
3. I'm thinking of translating for American manga publishers soon <.< But transition period isnt easy and the resume is die-die hard to write! Procastination isnt helping either. No gaurantees on the speed of their replies or if i will get hired.
4. I'm starting to go tanning again ^-^ (Well, once. but its a start and i am tanner~ XP Not an easy feat to achieve in this monsoon season~)
5. I am getting a ring for Christmas and those who noe noes i'm ecstatic~ HEH!! X>
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 6:02 AM
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Affairs of the heart matters to boys too
Being down wif the flu at home and stucked with the prospects of having nothing to do had led me to pick up and read the many TIME magazines stacked on the coffee table accumulated from the past 2 months of busy work and school life. (That makes *gasp* about 8 mags or more unread - one mag weekly.)
One article jumped out at me.
Affairs of the heart, apparently, matters to boys too.
It may seem obvious to some of us. Yet seeing this result from a cumulative sociological research does give it new perspective.
A link to the article on Time.com.
And a link to the brief findings from the sociological research Dr. Peggy Giordano had done.
I think its kinda sweet actually, that teenage boys have the same propensity to love as teenage gals ^__^
Though i think it may still apply to some of us here... for those of us who have cougarish tendencies *cough* (those who have will noe wat i'm toking about) or for the rest of us who are still in or have never really left our teenage years behind.
A few sickeningly sweet choice excerpts from the Time article:
...A question designed to gauge how attached a teen is to his or her partner might offer choices such as "I would rather be with X than anyone else," "I am very attracted to X," "X always seems to be on my mind" and so on.
...On the love scale, boys scored equally with girls. They were at least as emotionally invested in their romantic relationships as their partners. About 100 of the boys and girls were randomly chosen for additional, in-depth, face-to-face interviews that were taped. The responses were revelatory in their passionate forthrightness. "You think of it as this way: [Would] you give up your whole life, you know ... to save Jenny's life?" one boy said, trying to explain his feelings about his girlfriend. "I'm like a little girl in a relationship," another boy confided. "[At first it] just seemed like every time I was around her I couldn't talk. I was getting butterflies in my stomach, I was just, like, discombobulated or something." Such sentiments were echoed across race and ethnic lines.
...And here's something that surprised even Giordano: both boys and girls agreed that girls have the power in heterosexual relationships, including when it comes to sex.
...It seems as if popular culture is waking up to the reality of the emotionally responsive male....The irony is that boys seem to be the last ones to get the news. "It's like a shared misunderstanding," Giordano says. "One of the boys said that he'd never talk to his friends this way, the way that he talked to the interviewer, because those boys don't have the feelings that he has."
It - this findings - is like the most well-known secret behind a live news anchor's seemingly incredible memory... those in the know knows the 'secret' is nothing more than a screen in front of the camera, timely scrolling the daily reports according to the news anchor's speed of dialogue; while this same 'secret' may escape others and is unthinkable until told or shown otherwise.
Obvious findings i noe. But sweet ^^
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 4:25 AM
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Little particles in the air responsible for killing all of us in the long term
I'm damn bloody sick.
The flu bug has struck again!!
Goddamn haze!
*shakes fist at some farking lousy govt*
Do you know how stupid u made yourself sound to the world when u say "There's nothing we can do about it"??
Catch, fine, lock-up, execute those stupid forest-fire setters!
Damn. They shd replace the whole *certain farking lousy govt* with pple who has the capacity to think!
Like, with our Secondary 1 students maybe?
(It is NOT far-fetched. Come on, u can find it within yourself to agree with me. Unless u are already in the *certain farked-up govt*)
Ok, breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Choke on thin and polluted air.
Trying not to sound elitist is especially hard when I. CAN'T. BREATHE.
Crossing the overhead bridge to school today taxed my mucus-clogged lungs so much i felt like i was a post-lung operatee who'd just climbed Mount Everest. Without the climber's usual breathing apparatus.
Jus as well that i dun have my voice back yet and cant rant and rave (out loud verbally).
Sick and bed-ridden for most of the past 4 days, couching in front of the computer screen the rest of the time and letting my fingers do all the ranting which the rest of my physical self has no energy to do.
My face is taking on a deathly pallor, lit by the phosphorescent sheen of the monitor glow nite after nite after nite.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 9:51 PM
Friday, September 29, 2006
Princess and Poodle hair both starts with 'P'
So i've permed my hair on monday.
Most people have been kind with their comments so far, despite the fact that i was depressed over it for the initial two days n think i look like a poodle for the rest of the week so far.
But at least the people who matters like it. (Madness!!)
Wanted to rebond back my hair as soon as my curls loosened (or rather, closer to Christmas to allow some down time for hair to recover from all these chemical treatments), but i'm not so sure now.
Dyeing and highlighting couple weeks later. Shall see how from there.
Who noes, curls may have loosened so much already i can actually utilize my 1-for-1 and perm it another time before Chirstmas... -.-;;
Whoever's looking for a cheap perm (half of 35bucks) and dun mind that its not done by professionals can drop me a line.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 11:22 PM
Monday, September 18, 2006
Unto others
So marks the end of my two month long stint as a temp in the law firm.
I learnt some new things about how others see me in this short time, not jus from colleagues, but oso from relatives n such.
Its been a busy period, let me summarize.
IRC and translations. Compounding group birthday card for fren in USA. Fave uncle's passing away n 7-day/nite wake. School administrative stuff. Work all these while, and now school. Throw in a few budding frenships n relationship-building.
I get less than 3 hours of sleep on any typical weekday. And average a 6-hour sleep once a week.
Life has been full, but i love it. It feels meaningful to have ya hands full of something u enjoy.
Although i wud really appreciate if a day has 40 hours instead of just 24.
Some things on my mind.
Well, were anyway. Seeing as i've been using the last 3 days to catch up on compounded lack-of- sleep and havent had time to let my mind venture beyond the threshold of home.
A colleague's observation on my last day of work, that i've "received presents and reference letters left and right".
Another colleague's (this time without the acerbity in voice) desciption of my people relation skills and her views on a person's likeability.
Relatives' similar descriptions.
Superiors' coincidental, but simultaneously similar well-wishes, "You will go far".
They forgot, kindness begets more kindness. I only give as much as i receive.
Its a mantra i've held my whole life - to treat unto others how you want them to treat you.
Granted, ya kindness may not always be appreciated or reciprocated. But those are the exceptions.
I may still give more than they do. I may still hold a smile in place where they avert their eyes.
But i'm gratified by the warm hand clasp on the very last day, and the eyes shining with words not eloquently expressed.
For i know i have broken through.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 2:58 PM
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Extrinsic rewards
Things to buy/do/splurge on with my first salary:
- Rebonding my hair again ($100 budget)
- Fixing/replacing my Creative mp3 player >.< ($90 for a new replacement since the buggers cant repair it!)
- New bag (actually, i may already have gotten this before my pay is here)
- Get some stuff for my sis (her birthday's this month actually, but think she wun mind waiting until i get my pay :] have new running shoes in mind, hmmm)
- Good food with sis n frens (SUSHI!! XD , or maybe that dim sum restaurant again, or Cafe Cartel)
*Grinz*
Some motivators huh? =)
Well, its all of that or paying the re-registration of UOL's fees of about SG$700+ and then some living expenses for the next month =/
Shoot. Need extra income
Knowing where to get it doesn't make the opportunities present itself.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 6:46 PM
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Perspective
I've started work again after getting a call from my old law firm on Monday morn. Forgot how tired working makes u feel.
Okay, scratch that. I probably know thats y i'd postponed searching for a job for one and a half months. Haha!
I'm working in a different department this time.
The work's chicken feet compared to my responsibilities last time. Maybe cos i already had all that experience in my old department, makin this one seem pretty... yeah, temp job material.
But at the same time, menial chores jus takes time n effort. I'll have back my old one in the old department anytime.
Somehow there's a difference between when u're rushing a deadline for yourself and when u're rushing a deadline for someone else (though one can still correct me on that, seeing as its my bosses n my firm who benefit from all the work actually).
There's a lot to be said for being given free rein and the trust to finish your work on ya own time, therefore making it your own deadline instead of rushing a chore for someone else so they wud not get in trouble.
This is still the first week after all. Hopefully things will turn out better.
Though seeing as i'll only be working for 1 and a half month this time, i wud be gone before there can be much improvements, hah.
Its only a week, but the change in environment makes u think alot.
I feel alot, but am oso too tired (physically and mentally) to think about how i feel or think i feel much.
I think i'm lucky somewhat to have gotten very good n helpful colleagues last time and this time.
Maybe i'm jus anti-social though, not myself, i dunno.
I jus dun click. I dun fit in anywhere.
My firm is greatly segregated into two spectrums i feel. And i can say that after spending so long there wif both spectrums last year.
Its divided into the very elite - the lawyers, partners, associates, advocates, solicitors, etc - who have their own partitioned rooms or cubicles, and wat i term the 'floor', which consists of mainly their helpers, the secretaries, paralegals, various departmental assistants, etc.
I hadn't known it at the time, but apparently the floor pple mainly have 'N' or 'O' levels or diploma qualifications, if that. Despite the important sounding labels they have, or the type of work i thought only the qualified (i.e. those who studied n grad wif a paper) can do.
My ex-colleagues from the floor whom i still lunch wif now, thinks i'm in a class better than them, because i'm a uni undergrad, because i watch more english shows than i do chinese (and therefore do not noe who from wat shows they're toking about most of the time), because i dun really follow entertainment gossips (i try, trust me, but not having money to splurge on weekly tabloids now appear to have more effect on my social life than it does the stars), and because i havent heard of half the chinese myths, beliefs and superstitions coming out of their mouths. Hellooo? Cant i jus be ignorant?
It doesn't make me better than them when I DUNNO wat THEY KNOW!
And then the elites.
I had lunched n dined with them a few times, and maybe we know wat each other are talking about.
But, hellooo again??! They are lawyers. How can we be anymore different?
Once we've skipped the pleasantries and crapping and joking (with those fun ones that beats the stereotype of ya typical stern-faced sharks in three-piece-suits), there's pretty much nothing else to talk about except wat u did for the weekends. And oh yeah, more poking fun at each other.
I dunno enough crap to crap wif my floor bunch in chinese or dialect (yes, despite having spent the past 11 years in my best fren's company and trying my darnest to memorize wat each crap n ribbing is supposed to mean), and i'm afraid to crap too much n exceed the comfortable boundaries of the lawyers (hell, they're still my bosses after all).
I DO NOT FIT IN.
Either where.
Okay, all that incoherent verbal diarrhoea was to drive home that point.
I feel i'll rather lunch alone. All that socializing during lunch and work (or lack of it) is quite traumatizing.
Its wearing me out mentally faster than my work will physically.
I've always suspect that, if u take away all that office politics, networking and human relations from a job, the work itself leftover is actually a very very manageable task.
Though of cos, for those who dun like their job that much, all those happy relationships in the office are motivators to get out of bed every morning.
Ack. Dun tell me i'm an introvert after all?!
And i'd thought i got most of my motivation to go through every day from being with people.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 12:37 AM
Friday, July 28, 2006
Visualization
Heh, i've updated and add links to my profile in this blog! ^^
For anyone who havent met me in real life, now you can put a face to the person on the other side of the keyboard =)
Jus click on 'This Gal' under The Navigation links~!!!
I'll update that from time to time, hee.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 7:36 PM
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Fat, Kids, and People issues. Not in that order.
I've just finished watching Jean Yip Beautiful People on tv awhile ago, a show about giving overweight women a makeover, and boy am i mad!
It is bad enuff that our society are forcing people to have only particular standard of beauty, but now to have shows like these that tells people what the ideal beauty should be like and a criteria for being beautiful is that u have to be slim to be beautiful??!! WHO SAYS??!
I noe of many women who are fleshy and yet beautiful too!
Okay, i get it. They (as in the Jean Yip group, speaking those syllabuses is starting to leave a bad taste in my mouth, so i'll try to refrain from typing it too often now. So when i next say 'they', i'm refering to them all rite?) are jus using the show as a medium to promote wat their group can do for women everywhere, the benefits (good looks, good body with less effort) and services (professionals in hair, makeup, slimming, therapy, etc etc) they provide.
Its a good way too i admit -- high tv exposure (well, it caught my attention didn't it?) means higher viewership, which means they get their message bout their company and the company's benefits across a wider spectrum of veiwers to their target consumers. And when their makeovers are successful (of course those shown on tv are successful), more potential consumers are convinced of their benefits and will become buyers. Or in marketing terms, regular consumers.
It is a good marketing drive indeed.
Not to mention the handful of women who goes on the show and benefit from the treatment too (at the expense of national humiliation maybe, but then if they can take it, they have my kudos, cos it'll take two elephants and an armoured truck to drag me screaming onto the show).
No no, that show, while spastic and fully a marketing ploy, is not wat that has gotten me riled.
Its the bloody kid of this this week's episode makeover character that makes me mad!
That si gina!
The reason why this week's heroine signed herself up for this national-tv broadcasted search for overweight women makeovers was cos her 5-year-old daughter calls her fat and Ah Pwee (the Hokkien quivalent of 'fatty') and refuses to eat cos she dun wan to be 'as fat as' her mummy?!
Well, in my opinion, her mum should jus let her starve to death then!
Who needs such a bad-mouthed, insensitive, spoilt and cruel kid anyway?? As if there aren't enuf insensitive jackasses and jerks in the world!
This is why i hate kids!
Just wat kind of media diet have they been exposed to to already have such a distorted and well-developed view of beauty at such a young age anyway??!
Why! I thought my mum was beautiful when i was young!
I still think my mum's beautiful now!
Even tho she has gained more in weight and age over the years than not.
So wat is that si gina thinking when she calls her own mother Ah Pwee???!
An u noe wat? Aside fom being abit plump (not even 60kg; she had lost some weight already even before she signed up for the makeover), the heroine looks all right too! She already has pretty sharp features and everything.
Granted, being at home with your mum and spending large a amount of time wif her, u'll get to see her at her most casual and shabbiest most of the time. Baggy clothes, no make-up, catching her when she jus woke, slogging out doing housework, sweating in the hot hawker center begging her kid to eat (yes, the mum was a sight to behold then in the show). BUT, does all these actions not make her more beautiful?
It shows she has inner beauty, she has a steely resolve, she is selfless, she is self-sacrificial, and she's full of care and concern and motherly love!
So u tell me, does that stupid kid deserves to be starved to death or not??!
I think she does. I think she should be put up for adoption.
Maybe then she'll noe the meaning of suffering and appreciate all her mum is doing for her.
Watching today's show makes me draw out a list of things I WILL NOT DO in future:
1. I will not teach my child to be a shallow human being.
There are more things to life than jus looks! Yes, even if u're a gal. Who wud find a hua ping (a.k.a. vase) interesting in the long term? I will be bored to death in 2 months, max! Not to mention if i've to live with my child for the next 18 years and have to hear nothing intelligent or meaningful out of his/her mouth except for clothes, looks, weight, maintainence, shopping, bfs/gfs, etc for that 18 years or more.
2. I will not teach my child derogatary terms and stereotypes, like "That fat auntie over there", "That fat lady by the ATM", "What an overweight boy, he must like to eat sweets. Dun eat too much sweets else u'll end up like him", or "You're fat, go exercise and run more", etc etc.
And if i catch my child using these unflattery terms, depending on how derogatary they meant it to be, i'll either lecture them on the politically correct terms and socially acceptable ettiquettes, and being sensitive and kind and empathetic and tactful (if its jus an innocent description that slip their mouth), or they can dun think of having dinner that nite and strip them of all television viewing for a fortnight!
Cos if they hadn't learnt that from me, they must have learnt it from TV don't they?
3. I will not date a man who says or thinks i'm fat.
Actually, why wud i be dating a guy who dun already think i'm beautiful anyway? Makes no sense rite? But i noe of some fren' frens' bfs who tell them to their face, often, that they're fat and that they need to lose weight! Wtf?! n the thing is, these frens are borderline underweight can? Why dun they jus dump the son-of-a-bitch anyway!? (Not my own frens' bfs thankfully, else i wud have given them the same advice already.)
And yes, jus for a guy's info, questions posted to males frens and dates, like "Do i look fat in this?" while shopping or trying out clothes, are NEVER meant to be answered "Yes" (if anyone is stupid or insensitive enuf), irregardless of how like a cow we look in it!
If we, unfortunately, do look like a cow in it, the model answer is STILL "No", or "I think the previous one fits u better", or "I think the other one looks nicer on u".
Yes, its a loaded question. And yes, gals like to ask this alot, fickle pple that we are. Just LIVE WITH IT!!
4. I will not make a fren out of someone who puts others down.
5. I will not keep silent when my close frens or loved ones are put down in front of me.
Never have, never will.
6. I will not have an orgy with more than 4 people, of which i'm the only female. (DIE!)
Okay, the last point was irrelevant. But seeing as how the whole entry sounds so stern, i tot i'll lighten it with a little trivia. And yeah, they are all real resolves. Lolx! XP
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 9:27 PM
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Pink dumpling
Anyway, decided to upload some pics of the Hello Kitty T-shirt that has arrived.
It is freaking SMALL can??! As in, seriously!
Jap size L is our size S!!
Wat do the Japanese gals eat growing up????!
Its no wonder all of them are so small n short n undernourished looking!
(okay, i wan.)
I could barely fit into it!
It is FITTING on my little sister for god's sake!
Jus how thin do they think i am?? n its not even like they haven seen my photos before.
So be prepared before u scroll down further n see a rice dumpling wrapped in pink...
You've been warned...
These are the same pics they've seen.
Anyway, i was joking... i like it alot.
Mainly becos it was from them, n i like them alot.
Lolx!
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 8:34 PM
Friday, July 21, 2006
A priori truth
Parents screw up their children. Its a universal truth.
Why else then do you think so many psychiatrists n therapists always ask their patients questions leading back to their parents?
"How do you feel about your mother? How do you feel about your father?"
We love our mothers and fathers, but often times, we dun like them very much at all.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 5:10 AM
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Hello Kit -T?
Sorry for the dry spell, not updating n all.
But seeing as i'm jus enjoying myself, there doesn't seem to be much to update about, except that well, i'm having fun. Lolx~!!!
Its the sch vaccation after my 2 months long exam span after all! (am SO making excuses for myself! Lol~ )
But gotta find a vaccation job soon... its only like 2 mths or so left before my sch starts, n the first part of the many school fees has already arrived!!! >.<
*Cues cursing at LSE and University of London again.
Okay, but there's reason for updating now tho....
A mIRC fren from the US jus went out to a Sanrio store n bought n sent me this Hello Kitty shirt!!!!
My freaking goodness!! O.o
I mean, i've helped their scanlation group translate some stuff before n all, but still.... my goodness.
And he's not even my official scanlation group! Jus someone i helped early on with some freelancing trans... ONCE!! X|
Okay, we n a number of others (mostly big shots in the scanlation biz, wif founders, scanners, translators or jus crappy pple, lol!) have founded a channel where we meet to crap n stuff, so we're all chummy n all... but....
*eyes wide open*
I'm just speechless.
Here's a pic.
Its US$31.50. For a shirt!!
Thats... (does exchange rates conversion) about... SG$50~!!! O.O
And i din even ask wats the shipping charges!
Supposed to receive it by next week. 5 to 6 business shipping days.
Will take a pic wearing it to show them when it gets here... IF i can fit in it thats it... ^^;;
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 2:40 PM
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Wolf
The door bell rang today and when i peeked thru the door-hole, a pretty boy in red polo shirt was standing outside.
(Some sales-man or smth; i can see his colleague toking to my neighbour at the back.)
But i was cooking and bra-less and cannot open the door.
Dammit.
Later on when i lamented that to my mother, i realized i should have jus pulled him in and shag him anyway.
Hows that for regrets?
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 7:02 PM
Sunday, June 25, 2006
大姐大
One of the similarities that my two best frens and i share, though i wouldn't admit to it even if half the pple i noe tell me that to my face, is that we'd often been coined, mistakenly or otherwise, as Da Jie Da - Big Sisters. Of what, we dunno. But thats another matter.
I guess in some ways or other we do fit the bill.
All three of us are the eldest sisters in our families; we like to be in control of our environment; we bear (sometimes) huge resposibilities and the unknowing burden of unsaid and said expectations of us and our roles. Yet all these are quite common to us, having been brought up our whole lives as such. The deciding factor i suppose, is that these aspect of our personalities are unconsciously brought into our daily relationships with others too. Thats just an assumption to explain this bizarre conclusion of our personas of course. It could be our looks that factor in that wierd label or something else. I dunno.
But to do justice to my two best frens, i've to first proclaim that that's where the difference ends between the three of us.
I can't vouch for myself, since i wouldn't be able to humbly or otherwise describe myself in a way that wouldn't make me embarrass later on. But i can describe the different reactions we get when we, in pairs, interact with others - 1) when i'm with Xiangling, and 2) when i'm with Hanxiang.
Amongst the three of us, Hanxiang is the one with the most number of figure titles under her belt, being Captain of her volleyball teams in sec sch and JC, councillor, prefect, reps, and anything else i missed out. She's the responsible and nurturing one whom i feel really befitting the Big Sister label.
Xiangling and i on the otherhand, though we had our shares of being Monitress, Vice-head prefect, class reps, coordinators and such, wud gladly beg off our responsibilities if we're allowed. And we definitely seize the chance to break every rule in the schoolbook we're expected to enforce. (Which is probably why we fell from the good graces of our teachers to the black sheeps of the lot in the 12 years of education prior to our tertiery one, lolx!)
Roles of responsibilities still find us sometimes, though by then, we tot they should noe better. But Xiangling too, in comparison to me, did alot better taking on the tasks she's handed and usually takes them in her stride far, far more easily than others wud.
No, but most pple we know who labelled us as such did not know our school backgrounds. They have no way of knowing that Hanxiang was her sch's Captain, that Xiangling was Monitress or Vice-head prefect, or whether that i was a rep, a prefect or the basketball team's bench-warmer. I hear them especially alot with pple i've newly met and befriended, or as feedback from my sister or other frens who has frens who had seen or met me.
No, they dunno us really, but still they persist in thinking and blurting out suddenly and unexpectedly in our faces, almost as if they were unaware they were speaking out loud, but still shocking us speechless, things like,
"你很像大姐大leh!"
I share many similarities with each of the two of them; we have many similar likes and dislikes, value systems, opinions, intolerances; we share such a long history together that even our personalities fuse and our minds think as one sometimes. We think on the same wavelengths, and are so accustomed to it that sometimes, we get impatient when we have to face pple whose mind works in different wavelengths as us - even our own siblings sometimes!
But while the three of us are best frens, the difference of how other pple view us manifests itself, rather, in each of our individual and pair interactions with others.
These couple of years, i meet with each of them individually alot more often than the three of us as a group, and this difference is really quite insightful, though sometimes vexing.
Xiangling's bubbly and happy-go-lucky personality virtually screams, "I AM FRIENDLY!!! COME. TALK. TO. ME~!!!! =DDDDDDDD"
So while we're on a night out together, or just hanging out after school, work, during breaks or whenever jus the two of us are chilling out someplace, it is virtually impossible NOT to have pple come join us for a drink, sit with us for lunch, join us during breaks, or jus hanging on to our every exchange with the interest that wat one wud ordinarily give every move and exchange of two boxers in the last championship match (ok ok, i jest, but u get the idea).
THIS, despite my sombre expressions, anti-social persona, and jus the look that implies someone-has-died-and-we're-discussing-the-funeral, when we're toking about serious stuff and dun wan to be interupted sometimes!!!
Pple have told me i've looked quite forbidding and hard to approach when i put on that look, and with anybody else it wud have worked! But hardly ever wif Xiangling!
Apparently, the power of my black face is pathetically overpowered by her friendliness and approachability.
It is her blessing and my curse.
We have countless pple now who've told us that they love talking or hanging out with us (US??!! Yes, the two of us. They must have missed my grey looks in XL's radiance), that we're so interesting, so funny, our repartee so witty, our conversations so insightful and thought-provoking, that they miss us, and generally that they've never quite met gals like us before.
We have virtual strangers, acquaintances, or jus pple who dun figure in our conversations (our siblings, parents or frens) who wud suddenly tell us, in the midst of one of our exuberant conversations, to slow down our speech, because they can't hear us properly...?!! And we wud give each other the look, like, okay... jus how do they figure in this conversation anyway? Or sometimes, if its our family, we'll laugh and ask them "Why are u eavesdropping anyway?! I'm toking to Xiangling/Vivis wad!?"
We have ex-colleagues, sch-mates, etc sit with us after work or school jus listening in on our normal conversations with each other nearly every other day, discussing our family, bout certain pple, frenships, our opinions on certain matters, or tackle some issues, and they wud tell me or XL one day that they love hearing us talk.
Usually the answers are as expected now - something along the lines of "Because u two are so funny/ interesting/ crack me up, etc", but there was this once when an ex-colleague surprisingly replied that he liked listening to us discuss "the serious stuff".
Yes, now i know why my black looks dun work when we're toking about serious issues and the third party wun leave - apparently they are actually drawn to it!?
There are too many such cases to count, most of which usually leave me flabbergasted when i hear them. Especially if they made references to me, which i think must be a mistake.
Yes. I guess somewhere along the conveying lines, my anti-social signal has been whitewashed by XL's brilliantly colourful personality.
And occasionally... no, actually, more often than we like it or could comprehend, when they pop out something like "你们好像大姐大啊!" , we will be like... huh? siao arh.
And when they say we actually look very intimidating, very hard to approach, or get to know, or yeah lar, like 大姐大s (-.-), thats when i really ki siao inside my head - then why u all dare butt in in the first place?!!
Dun get me wrong, i love our mutual frens!
When we go out as a group, of cos we're in the mood for fun and companionship! :)
But when your frenship is as long as Xiangling and mine (close to 12 years now) and the inopportune interruptions seem never ceasing due to the unconscious friendly signal ya best fren keeps sending via pheromones, a baby face, a perpetual smile or watever, u will be vexed too.
U noe, jus like an unpleasant, grouchy parent (me) carrying a 10-month old baby (her) wud still always attract coos and aaahhs and smiles and baby-talk. (Hey! This analogy actually works really well!! *pats myself on the back* =D )
And then...arh.... there is Hanxiang.
Finally. A different story!! =)
When we talk in all seriousness, people keep a distance.
It had been like this since secondary school when we finally trully 'found' each other during our upper sec, when we were put together in the same class (we knew each other from sec 1 as a group wif XL and jess, but she wud tell u that she had hated me then. And I wud say honestly that i din give a shit about her then. Lolx!! Lovely pple, aren't we? = P Its a misunderstanding and a long story. But wad do u noe? Fate sure turn things around huh? Or maybe her 'hatred' is a love in disguise and she din noe it then...WAHAHAHAHAA~!!! Xp ).
I remember the two of us talking over the railings in the corridor outside our classroom during break, a few class girls wud run up to us and slap our shoulders in excitement, but watever they had to say wud die an early death halfway out their mouths when they saw that we were deep in conversation, and then bid a hasty "oh nvm, later".
And even if Hanxiang or i wud already be brought out of our preoccupation and wud kindly coax them to continue wat they had to ask or say, they wud apologetically or abashedly decline and ask us to carry on and they will tell us later.
Of course, i never realized it at that time, and its only in retrospect that i see the difference now.
It has continued to be this way with many other people even now when we meet so frequently out of school.
We often bump into ex-classmates, her juniors or ex-teammates, my school-mates or our siblings' frens, but when they excitedly flag us and approach us, and depending on the circumstances if they'd came in when we were in the middle of conversation (actually, any other time too, even if we're jus walking), they wud keep a respectful distance from us.
Yes, it feels weird to use that term 'respectful', but its the closest to describe that deferential, impersonal, psychological and intangible space they keep even tho the two pple in question may be chatting exuberantly in the manner of pple who have not seen each other for quite some time tend to do, and soon after, wud bid farewell in the manner that oso suggests that they shouldn't be intruding in on us.
That is not to say we were unfriendly or they were imposing on us. In fact, when they approach one of us, and the other, lets say me, wud be all polite smiles, knowing that this other person is a fren or acquaintance of my best fren, and i should not and could not bring myself to put on a sullen air of disinterest and jus turn my back and walk away (as i noe a lot of pple do when their bf/ gf/ fren/ sibling's frens approach them n chat).
See??! But they wun pull out a seat to stay n chat or follow us around wordlessly while we walk around like some wud do with XL and me!
Hanxiang and i have our own explainations for these interesting phenomenons, but this post is long-winded enough without my adding every hows and whys to it.
See the difference between our interactions with others when its me & Xiangling and when its me & Hanxiang?!!!
I din even have to put on a black face and the pple scatter like rabbits when i will them to!!
(Very convenient.)
Wif XL, i can put on Bao Qing Tian's (Justice Bao's) black opera mask in broad daylight and Xiangling's radiant "I AM FRIENDLY!!! COME. TALK. TO. ME~!!!!" will still sunblind them to my wat-i-tot-was-obvious air of this-is-a-private-conversation, and draw them to us like flies to honey.
Ermm... no prizes guessing which effect Vivis prefers over the other.
Like i said, i like our mutual frens.
But i do generally prefer to be given some personal space when i'm deep in conversations talking about some serious issues, and that we be left to our ruminations.
Ah well. Maybe thats why the power that be has given me two best frens - too much of a good thing may not feel that good and bad things may not neccessarrily feel bad.
Okay, i've gone off in my own little world and digressed magnificently again. Typical.
On my way back home jus now, I just told my sis i'm tired and thirsty and have a craving for some premium, branded ice-cream since we'd walked for half the day through town n asked her if we should go buy some, and she smacked my head one side.
I get NO RESPECT around here!!
Wad 大姐大?!
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 11:54 PM
Saturday, June 24, 2006
A late night's road trip
We're getting to an age where frens our age start driving their own or their dad's cars already.
Its a bloody marvellous feeling i tell u, not to mention a bit surreal.
Ok, lets not tok about those American/ Italian/ Caucasian brats who can learn, pass their test and drive all within a week with minimum fees (learning from their mum/dad/sch-arranged lessons, forking out US$50 fuckin bucks for their practical test, passing and buying their first Volvo, all within the same fuckin week - yeah yeah, thats jealousy and incredulity u smell in the air), or those ABC (or any other variety of spoilt and money-laden but with fuck-zero value system) brats born with a gold/silver spoon in their mouth who have parents who wud willingly pave their paths with George Washingtons or Yusoff Ishaks and easily give in to their precious child's whining and coddling and buy that second car which the family doesn't need (but maybe persuaded into thinkin hey, we can afford it, and mum can take it grocery shopping too! and oh, maybe i can use it when no one else's using? ain't that grand!), and which the 18-22year old brat, who's probably still in sch, who hasn't even started working yet and dunno for fuck the value of hard-earned money, sure as hell dun need with the abundance of public transport in Singapore.
But normal pple like us, those of us who've undergone at least a full year if not more (which is usually the case) from taking the Basics Theory exam, to finally taking and passing the stringent Practical exams after going for countless lessons and failing numerous practical exams and in the course of it all, spending wat u could make a downpayment for a secondhand car already (again, in Singapore only. In the States or elsewhere? U can get a fuckin BMW with jus the amount it wud cost to get the car's COE in Singapore).
Of course, this is only spoken by someone who had to hear about the difficulties of learning how to drive from those around her. U dun wan to hear me really when I START my practical lessons (been postponing it for two years now, but now that i'm nearing the end of my uni life, its time to start thinkin about it...).
Anyway, i digress.
Well, as i was saying, its a bloody marvellous thing to sit in a car driven by someone u've known half ya life, whom u tot u knew, but suddenly seem to sparkle when they're in the driver's seat, like a totally different person, manouvering that circular piece of filmsy and seemingly irrelevant piece of wood and plastic, and the tires are actually moving beneath you, and u're travelling on the road, wrapped in a metal and leather encasement that seems to defy gravity and every other physics law as it moves forward, propelled by wat, u think, must be a miracle.
The incredible feeling starts to fade after awhile though, as perhaps 20mins later u find yourselves lost, and in addition to the darkness of night with too few road lamps, trapped in a growing downpour with window-wipers that aren't working perfectly, and the loud, excited and exuberant laughters turned to loud strings of curses, and your plans to go to the West Coast Park for supper ended up as late night MacDonald's at King Albert Park.
Thus marks the first of the life-endandering stunts i've sworn (jokingly) that i wun particpate in until their Beginner's Triangle gets removed - bout one year after they get their driver's license at least. Having eaten those words, now i'm jus conceding to wear seatbelts instead (that are hopefully reinforced) throughout the whole journey, even for those sitting in the backseats.
When we were on the return journey back home in the wee hours of the morning, it suddenly dawned on us that.... hey, my mum din put up any resistance when i suddenly jumped up and raced to my sis to tell her to get ready cos Xiang and David, who had jus gotten his license, is driving his dad's car and we're going for supper!
Amazing. She had just put her two only offsprings at the mercy of a newbie driver who had only taken to the road twice by himself, is short-sighted but does not wear glasses, goes up curbs when parking, has his sister to give him road directions, and nevertheless still got ourselves to some godforsaken place, got lost, and in the end spent wat shd be a fifteen mins car journey from Bukit Panjang to West Coast Park into a thirty mins one with many U-turns that ended up in Bukit Timah.
I'm already looking forward to the hour-plus journey Xiang is going to take us on when she eventually gets her license (and if i dare to put my rear in her car with reinforced seatbelts) and drives the normally fifteen-mins-by-car journey from my home to some great makan places for supper.
*beams*
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 5:47 PM
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Post-exams
Exams been over a week.
And for the past six days, i had:
- met up with Hanxiang (as usual, haha)
- met up wif Elizabeth (>.<)
- met up with Huishi and Ashley (^^)
- ate excellent sushi at the marvellous Ichiban Boshi @ the Esplanade
- satisfied all the wierd little food cravings i had fantasized about while mugging for exams (kfc, mos, chocolate fudge cake, mango mousse cake, alfredo spaghetti, century egg and lean meat porridge,smelly tofu, taiwan pizza, etc, the list goes on...)
- finished four books (Digital Fortress by Dan Brown; Mary, Marry by James Patterson; a celebrity biography on Ah*Du - i was farkin bored, yes - ; and Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See)
- watched X-men 3 and The Da Vinci Code
- dyed my hair
- and procastinated running and swimming for six days now... Lolx!! =p
Yup, life is good.
In fact, the change of pace from that long mugging one-month plus is so drastic it still feels quite surreal to sit here in front of the monitor typing trivialities into my blog instead of constantly having the next exam on my mind even while i'm taking a one-hour break away from studying watching tv.
Its quite disorienting to suddenly have so much time on my hands again, especially when i have nothing in particular i want to do now. Without the pressure of a deadline, and with all the freedom to choose to do wat i wan now, suddenly the idea of all those tv shows i swore i cant miss, the PC or internet games i've been hankering to play during my exam period, the storage of manga building up in my disk drive, and the volumes of books, novels and manga cluttering my bookshelf i've been looking so longingly forward to read, suddenly all lose the glow they seem to emanate during those mugging days.
Shows u nothing is as indispensable as u think, or if u have many choices to choose from eh?
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 2:01 AM
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Picture perfect
10-6-2006. The Esplanade.
Tell me this is not the most perfect photo taken man!!
Perfect perfect perfect.
Got feeeeel man!!
My creative genius and the perfect model/ subject.
Lolx.
If i get to be good enuf, this photo will be part of my blog layout soon.
(Someone point me out in the direction of a good tutorial in blog designing!)
Oooh! Perfect perfect perfect~~ X)
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 11:52 PM
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Bring on the wine!
Exams officially over.
30 days. My longest exam span ever.
And that isn't even including when i started studying.
My mum has gone to Malaysia for a few days... and when the cat's away, the mice comes out to play...
It isn't even 10.30am yet this morning when my dad suggested breaking out our red wine, decidedly i suppose, to celebrate the end of my exams.
(But somehow, the fact that the wine was already pre-chilled and that my dad's wine glass was always fuller than ours makes me think someone is jus looking for an excuse to consume alcohol before its even noon.
And the toothy grins in response to my observation weren't exactly denials either.)
When I pointed out, after half a glass, that I would actually prefer Ribena if all I'm having are crushed grapes anyway, my sister's insistence that red wine is really good for my health and alittle-too-liberal refilling of my glass seems to make her happy as a lark.
I'm not clear... Who are they rewarding exactly?
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 11:17 PM
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Epidermis
My sis and i were talking about computers and IT in the kitchen jus now when i commented that
"I'm like the man in the family cos there's no other man around!"
It was a casual remark regarding the fixing of computer and tech staff in our home (i noe we have my dad, but he's next to useless with computers and IT stuff), but then i realised it so fits my role at home in general.
And my sister seconded the notion.
My mum was in the kitchen but she kept quiet too.
Ironically, it was a remark Hanxiang had also made in bemusement not two days ago when she overheard a phone conversation between my mum and i when she (my mum thats it) called to consult me over some stuff.
Damn it.
There is self-sufficiency, and then there is involuntary, imperative, environment enforcing, u-will-die-unless-u-do-it-yourself-since-there's -no-one-else-whom-u-can-rely-on self-sufficiency.
+ Ursula r e m e m b e r s again + 11:55 PM
